Self preservation or mean.

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When I came to live with my bf in the middle of nowhere, he did not have common tech around the house. No tv, no internet, the kids had a single tablet they fought over constantly.

I was bright eyed, positive and looking forward to a life with bf and sks. So I made the house more homely. I cleaned the entire house, bf obviously never dusted a day in his life. Started cooking all the time. Bought the sks their own tablets and got (slow) internet to have Netflix. Tried to make holidays special. Easter baskets, Christmas presents, birthday cakes and presents.

fast forward a year and I'm tired of the sks being so entitled and ungrateful. They won't clean up after themselves at all. Throw their dirty underwear all over the house in common rooms that shouldn't have underwear laying around. And that's the straw that broke me yesterday.

I took the tablets and turned off the internet and have refused to do things for them their dad is very capable of doing. Bf seems like he's got his tail between his legs and isn't saying anything. The kids still refusing to do the things they have been asked to do for a year, clean you plate off the table, put your clothes in the hamper, don't leave toys on the floor when you're done. That's literally all I've asked. And I get attitude and arguments.

so I'm done. I'm no longer going to try to have a relationship with the sks. I'm going to do things as I would do them when they're not here. I can't keep giving my mental stability to children who don't know where their underwear go.

Yes the skids suck. But your

Yes the skids suck. But your bf sucks even more because he allows his children to be feral and seeming expects you to manage them - including spending your money.

I think you should take a long hard look at your relationship with bf.

Your BF is the problem here,

Your BF is the problem here, but you know that. And you also knew that before you moved in (ie, that he didn't clean or parent very well). I get that, many of us go into relationships with blinders on thinking we can fix the problems with our love and help.

You can't fix it, which you found out. If there is something worth saving in your relationship, talk with your BF about your expectations about cleanliness around the house, and that he and his kids pitch in. Then be pleasant to the kids but leave all parenting type stuff to him.

If you are smart enough to be on this board

You know deep down. What a loser parent your BF is. And a loser BF. He should have your back, trying to raise these kids into real people. He does not care about his kids or you.

Yes, bf cares about what is

Yes, bf cares about what is "easiest" for him. And I am sure "I am just so tired because I work soooo hard" or "I don't want to be yelling at them all the time" "can't we just have one day that skids aren't getting in trouble" "they neeeeeed you because you are a better mom" ....blah excuse blah.

Thanks everyone.

I really needed this place to vent. I'm a little embarrassed I've put myself in this situation. I'm usually the level head giving advise.

you are all correct. My bf isn't up to standard in any portion of his life. If he doesn't want his children to be productive citizens and have a future worth anything, that's between him and their mother. I feel sorry for them and I'm a nurturer by nature, but I see that it's impossible to pull a family out of the dirt who likes living there.

He can't use working as an excuse, I work 20+ hours a week more than he does and still find time to maintain things. And I'm financially done supporting him or the child. He does pay the household bills. But lately he's been hinting that he wants me to pay half. Which I would gladly do if I wasn't already providing groceries and entertainment and my own personal expenses.

anyway I know he's always been the issue. I was too hopeful to see it. And the kids, I wish them the best but I feel sorry for them. They will probably go on being neglected by both sets of parents and never taught how to function as a normal person.

So what is next for you then?

So what is next for you then? Seems like you deserve a partner, not a manchild who can't pull his own weight in any area of his life.

You seem to have clarity on

You seem to have clarity on the present situation, and I don't think having normal expectations is mean at all.

Where do you see this relationship going? Do you have an exit strategy prepared?

I'm a little embarrassed I've

I'm a little embarrassed I've put myself in this situation

It happens. The important thing is to get yourself out of the situation, if it's not working.

Bag and pitch.

Anything left out gets bagged and goes out with the trash. If it is dishes, etc, put locks on the cabinets and lock it up. Buy a plastic dishwashable dog bowl for each kid and that is what they eat with. Put the dog bowls on the floor and they can eat down there with their hands. They behave as animals, treat them as animals.

As soon as the Skids arrive, all electronics are locked up and the internet is turned off except in your room. Put a lock on that door. Leave daddy to deal with these nasty kids. His response to your confronting the situation says all that needs to be said about your ball-less wonder of an SO.

You're a fixer upper. You

You're a fixer upper. You take what's broken and find happiness in "fixing" it. Then, you slowly begin to realize you never fixed anything, you just gave it a facelift.

You did all these things to create traditions and a family setting because bf wasn't. Now, you're tired of being the sole person to continue carrying on. But you did it to yourself without even realizing it or brushing it off as no big deal. I understand your frustration, I'm a "fixer", too. But what did you expect?
These people will give you great advise on disengaging, which is what you seem to be practicing already. Also, have a heart to heart with bf and Skids. Put your foot down, make the changes. I'm sure you'll be met with resistance from all of the above because you're all of a sudden doing a 180 on them.

I agree with your assessment,

I agree with your assessment, but not with having a heart to heart with the skids. That is the responsibility of their dad. And if he isn't willing to step up and start parenting, the OP needs to stop being Replacement Mommy, cut her losses, and move on to something healthier.

You're absolutely right. That

You're absolutely right. That would just continue the issue of wanting to "fix" the problem by setting up rules for skids rather than the making it be the dads job!

I'm working on an exit. I

I'm working on an exit. I think being alone and having control over my own space for a while would be just what I need. I'm planning a timeline now. I don't see things changing in this "family" dynamic at all. The worst part is the dog! I'll miss her so much.

Good luck!