Idk what to do
I'm 22 yrs old and have been with my bf for 3 1/2 years. He is the most caring, thoughtful man I have ever met. He is so good to me is a gentleman and always puts me first. Problem is he has 3 children with 2 different women. Hh doesn't see his oldest much she lives a few hours away and he doesn't have much time to drive down. But he has two boys (4 and 6) who he gets every single weekend and the BM is always involved. She is always nagging that he doesn't get them enough or that she wants more money from him. Him and ai are getting really serious and we plan on having a life together but I just can't seem to get over the fact he has 3 children. I have never wanted kids, I don't really like them tbh. His boys are nice but I just do not like kids. I don't know what to do about it. We want to move in together and get married but these kids are what's holding me back. Do I stick with him and hope they won't get in the way of the life I want with him ? Or do I just end it now?
You are 22?
You haven't really had time to meet a lot of men, if my math is right, you started dating him when you were 18.5. End this now. You are very young and you don't say how old he is but he should never have become involved with some one so young when he has three young children. Your focus should be in building your own life independent of any man. The kids aren't going to disappear and you will never have the life you want if you marry him.
They will get in the way of the kind of life you want.
They will get in the way of the kind of life you want - you should end it now. I met my first husband when I was 19 and also thought he was the best man ever. He was older and we naturally grew apart as I grew up. I later found other men that treated me better than he did. I know this is hard to hear, but there are lots of men out there closer to your age who will treat you just as well as your boyfriend and who don't have kids.
You are mature enough to realize you don't want kids, why tie yourself to someone who has three of them? And it sounds like at least on of the BM's is high conflict. Read around this site and take a look at your future - it is not a good one. Please, take our advice and get out now.
You do not want children -
You do not want children - and that is ok - do not ever let anyone try to tell you that is "not normal".
If you do not want children of your own, I would imagine that you have plans for a great career, travel, and retiring early. Why on earth would you want a partner that will be unable to live the same lifestyle?
Seriously, end now. Please do not waste your life. Please only look for a partner that wants the same things in life that you do. I promise love is not nearly enough to sustain a good healthy happy relationship.
End it, now.
End it, now.
End it now. The kids will
End it now. The kids will always be in the way of what you want. And if your boyfriend just walks out on his kids, he's not the kind of guy you want. You're young enough that there are still plenty of childless men close to your age who can give you more of the life you want. You're too young, and do not have enough life experience, to settle.
He created this mess. What
He created this mess. What makes you think he can solve it in a way that will purge his failed families and the related progeny of those failed couplings from detracting from your life?
I have to agree with the
I have to agree with the others - you are young and can easily find a guy with no kids. Don't settle for one that has 3 with two baby mamas, takes them every weekend, and throws money at BM every time she asks.
I don't care how caring and thoughtful you think he is, you will be resentful in short order.
Thank you
Thank you all for your input
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this so it's nice to be understood
It does sound crazy writing it all out but he has been huge part of my life for a few years now so it's just hard. I have always seen a future with him but since quarantine we've been spending weekends together so i got an insight on what my life would've been like if I stayed. As sweet as his kids are I know that's not the life I want I guess I have just been hoping for a sign that it'll be alright, but you all are right. I shouldn't have to put up with kids that aren't even mine. If I stay with him that means I accept his kids and their mothers which is just not something I can do.
Thank you all for your responses!
In my experience
RUN! Run far away and never look back! The kids and their moms will always be there and they WILL get in the way, they WILL drain your happiness and they WILL ruin your marriage.