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Reap what you sow

MeanMissColleen's picture

Submitted by MeanMissColleen on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 6:39pm

This is my first post on this site but I am a long time lurker lol. My story goes back 8 years with SD 20 and SD 13. My DH and I married about 6 years ago and have a pretty great relationship and I have always got on pretty well with both skids. SD 13 I have known since she was about 6 and we have built a pretty cool friendship where she also respects me as an authority figure in her life. SD 20 and i not so much.

Whe she turned 18 SD 20  moved in with her BF to an apartment they can barely afford and were pregnant quickly after. My DH did not take this very well as her BM is not very involved and he knew she would lean on us for help even though according to her I am literally Satan and ruined her life lol. We assisted with buying things for the baby and helping with looking for a doctor for her to see as she does not ever think of those things herself. After about 5 months into the pregnancy her BM all of a sudden cared so much and needed to be a part of every little thing. I recieved a long a** text from SD20 stating that she never wanted me in her life in the first place and that all i did was judge her. She told me it was a good thing i never had children because i had no idea how to nurture and that I would have no part in HER childs life. Ok... I responded that I would back up and not bother her any longer. My DH was very upset and insisted that I try to make things right between us. I decided instead to disengage and see what happened.

Well folks...Alot happened. BM while loving the attention did not actually intend to help in any meaningful way she just wanted to post all over social media about being a GM soon and what a great job she did with her daughter. Two weeks before the birth she had not had a baby shower or anything and was still needing alot to get started. DH kept asking me to call her to set something up and i told him that as her father he should be the one supporting her. Fast forward about 8 months after SGD is born I was not invited to see her at all and i did not approach aside from a text congratulating her. I recieved a text from my husband this morning if I would be okay with watching SGD for the night and I said I would not.  I said I do not feel comfortable watching her and that if SD20 wanted anything from me she would have to suck it up and clear the air with me first. I will post an update if she does but I dont see it happening lol. I just find it funny that we have not really spoken in a year yet she is willing to ask her father for favors from me. Not today SD20

 

 

Comments

Sparkl3s's picture

Submitted by Sparkl3s on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:10pm

Good for you! I don't see why anyone would want someone they believe to be satan watching their little bundle of joy. 

MeanMissColleen's picture

Submitted by MeanMissColleen on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:22pm

She posted on facebook a while ago that she ran into sata... I mean stepmom like it was the funniest thing ever. I deleted her and have not bothered looking at her page since.

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:25pm

Good for you, I don't see why your DH is incapable of watching HIS SGD.  maybe he needs to be reminded being a parent doesn't end after ejaculation. 

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:19pm

Ah, the I won't acknowledge you until I need you SD. I have one of those. She will never get why you didn't jump up and down and scream with happiness when her dad passed along the message if she's anything like mine.

Is DH incapable of watching the child for the night himself? 

MeanMissColleen's picture

Submitted by MeanMissColleen on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:27pm

He doesn't like her either. He wants a relationship with his GD but he is not that great with the actual responsibilities. We both work alot but i am currently working from home and SD now knows this and wants to capitalize

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 2:47am

Why on earth do people imagine that when you work from home you're doing next to nothing with your time? And that they're doing you a favour by giving you something to do?

What part of the word "work" does your SD not comprehend? If you were working at the office, would she expect you to babysit her child there? Of course not! So why does she think you'd have time to do it at home? You're WORKING, FFS! 

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:21pm

Good for you. Stick to your boundaries. SD doesn't get to have your help when it's convenient for her.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:30pm

She doesnt want ypu to have anything to do with the baby.  Okay.

I have a feeling she might be changing her time in the future. ..

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 7:53pm

Idk about any of these people. They sound pretty low class (by that i mean low character). Don't prop them up one bit after how you have been treated. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 09/12/2020 - 8:06pm

Funny how they think they are being so smart when they treat you like crap, but need/want something from you and act like it's no big thing to ask. I'm sure she was shocked that you did not jump at the chance to watch her spawn. 

Good for you. Hold your position. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 12:31am

I am surprised she wants Satan to babysit!  But you are handling everything very well - keep up the good work! 

The_Upgrade's picture

Submitted by The_Upgrade on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 4:35am

It's funny how some people don't mind taking money from Satan, or leaving their kids with Satan..... Is she dyslexic? You're not her Santa 

GeorgiaF's picture

Submitted by GeorgiaF on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 5:54am

You sound very healthy and strong.  Your instincts are 100% correct.  I would focus my energy on your younger SD - and try to show her that having a baby at 20 is not a great idea!  
The reality of having a baby - and needing  adult help - is now slowly dawning on your naive SD.  Sounds like her BM is not as "helpful" with her time as she had imagined so your SD is naturally going to turn to her dad and you for free babysitting.  Otherwise, she might have to actually pay a day care and get a better job, etc.  Much easier to "use" you!  Don't let her, she hasn't earned that loyalty from you!  

Your SD sounds just like mine - a self-centered "User" and "Taker," who only called us when she needed $$$ or help - but never just to chat or any card on Bday or Father's Day, etc.  Some Skids just want a very one sided relationship that just benefits them!  That's fine for children, but not young adults who have their own children. 

I laughed when I  read how you think the last year not interacting with her was amazing.  So true! I also withdrew from interacting with my toxic SD 3 years ago (she's 36) and it's been the best years for me!! (I was always the "Step Monster" - ha, ha, ha, she thought that SO funny!)  

And interestly, as soon as I removed myself - my DH started having lots of stress and conflict with her.  Seems she just needed a villain to blame for her poor life choices and removing myself from triangle forced my SD and DH to figure out their own relationship. 

My current boundary issue is my SD has recently moved to our town (from out of state her entire life) with her 2 teens and assorted boyfriends!  So I'm trying to figure out how to keep my boundaries of not interacting when she's only 8 miles away.  I'm sure I'll have to see her, but I really don't want her hanging out at our (very nice and comfortable) house with my other kids.  
 

I'm now of the age that if people (and I include children and Skids) don't treat me kindly and with respect, I want nothing to do with them.  Life's too short and stressful these days to be treated badly!

Stay Strong, and don't be a babysitting doormat!  Let BM help her!  

 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 10:02am

Good for you sticking to your guns. Just because she is DH daughter does not give her any right to use you or take advantage of you.

Peach's picture

Submitted by Peach on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 10:26am

You are doing the right thing.  Tell DH to text back to her that Satan would not be a good influence on her child.  What a POS!

Oldfool's picture

Submitted by Oldfool on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 2:23pm

........hope all are you are safe and well in this current covd-19 climate. My partner's daughter and her BRAT now have their own place renting privately....She came and begged my assistance in the completion of applicatons for Universal Credit and for a clearscore account (credit histroy account whcih is free), even though I told her I was busy working and could not spare the time..She knows how to use the internet and how to upload forms better than I do....

What the crafty git did was when I had finished working sometimes she deliberately sat in the the front room, so when I was going out to deliberately AVOID her, asked me if I was busy...I always said YES. i asked her about the 10 milion friends she said she has who could help her...she said that none of them were homeowners ...whne it came to the guarantor bit I REFUSED to be a guarantor for HER. My partner is AWARE of my feelngs as my eldest daughter had already messed me up in that way years ago and I have refused to be a guarantor for anyone ever again.

She however did get the place in the end and has moved in since June. She has inviited me to her place and she has sent messages via my partner as to why I have not come to her house...DUH!!!!!!!!! She and her BRAT seem to have a short memory as to their behaviour towards me over the years. The Brat aka Stinky ahs commenced scecondary school and no longer comes to my home. GOOD f&***** riddance!!!!!

My partner's daughter has come twice to the house since June 2020 and she did not come alone...her stench came with her  no change there..she send food with my partner and says some is for me but I refuse anything from her or the Brat...I wish they would take the HINT AND LEAVE ME ALONE...I DONT WANT TO KNOW....

My partner's woorthless adult son aka the King of Stinkess comes for his dad but cannot step ONE FOOT into my home I have admitted straight out to my aprtner that I hate his kids (in the UK) and the Brat for how they treated me and I willnever engage with them or forgive them,....the bridges have not been burned they have been incinerated....maybe if he hadnt been such an ostrcih he would have caught onto the disrespect they showed to me. On the other hand my partner's rother relatives and I get on extremely well as there is mutual respect exercised.

Your step-daughter and my partner's children Iin the UK and the Brat, sure REAPED WHAT THEY HAVE SOWN...you were right to say NO to looking after the child ..from what you stated, your step-daughter she did not want YOU to be involved in her child's life so should not be asking YOU to assist her directly or indirectly with the care of her child.....nuff said....

Please stay safe........

 

MeanMissColleen's picture

Submitted by MeanMissColleen on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 6:24pm

During this whole pandemic we have heard nothing from SD20 unless she needed assistance. I am not a mother and do not need to provide for her or the child she went out of her way to have. Mt DH gets how I feel but i think he is still blinded by the poor me routine she loves to fall back on