Vent - skids still sick
Okay I'm fuming. Last week I posted about sick skids coming over. This wknd they are here again still sick. Coughing everywhere, coughing all night, not covering their mouths. Up in our newborns face again. I said to DH I'm sick of them coming over like this when we have a newborn baby, and BM not even mentioning it. He snapped at me and swore under his breath. "What am I not supposed to see my children" (well you could wait for them to be well again)
Anyway I have been counting down the minutes until they leave, now DH says he has asked BM if they can stay an extra night! I want to kill him. I'm sick to death of this s***.
And lets not forget they went away 2 weeks ago with BM where there have been covid outbreaks!
I currently hate the skids and DH and BM. Resentment is through the roof.
Oh hell no
Your husband is an idiot!! Does he not realize how sick babies can get from even the flu or cold??
my son is someone where the everyday flu will within a day of him catching it, cause him to be wheezing so bad he is rushed in a priority 1 ambulance to hospital with trouble breathing. Its so bad the house dr is panicking!! He’s only 3 and he’s had to be in hospital 4-5 times already to get oxygen or ventolin...
i shut down hubby making executive decisions involving my home, my space and my time years ago!! You need to do the same.
if skids are sick then hubby is firmly told they are to be taken back to bio mums. Your husband is more focussed on his precious original family and considers your baby not at the same level if he doesn’t care about your baby’s health
LEAVE HIM. He obviously doesn
LEAVE HIM. He obviously doesn't give a shite about you or your baby. Unbelievable how he dismisses your concerns then asks for another night on top of that!!!
LEAVE HIM. He obviously doesn
LEAVE HIM. He obviously doesn't give a shite about you or your baby. Unbelievable how he dismisses your concerns then asks for another night on top of that!!!
Is there anywhere you can go
Is there anywhere you can go for a few days till they are gone? My family has a cabin less than an hour out of town. The peace and quiet really helps me sort myself out and I find solace in just having my kids to take care of as opposed to being the "nanny" to skids. It also shoves my DH into his actual responsibilities of being a parent to the child(ren) he signed up for prior to ours.
lol - so then he had the
lol - so then he had the nerve to ask me to babysit them while he works tomorrow. I said no way I hell. I didn't ask them to stay an extra night. So now they have to go home. Ha.
BM also wants us to have them, disregards my bub for her children to see daddy as it's more important for her kids. His argument about having them over sick is "he is going to get sick anyway sooner or later" which is absolutely pathetic. So we should all just not even make an effort to be well?be really doesn't get that it's not just a cold for a baby. And that's how it is when they are allowed here sick, everyone hanging out together, letting them hold the baby. I'm so over this second family/second priority bullshit and disregard for health. Their attitude about oh well everyone gets sick anyway is why their whole household get sick and ours. It's not necessary.
I have nowhere else to go unfortunately and no family nearby. I'm going to have a very firm word to him that is he doesn't put a stop to it I will contact BM myself.
Devil's advocate here
Shift your focus. Pretend this is about caring about his kids ... and about him being a good father to them.
If they're sick, shoudn't they be in bed resting and getting better? Shouldn't a caring dad have them in their rooms, taking their temperature and giving them meds so they can get better? Does it matter that bm is useless and doesn't care that her kids are sickly if he takes care of them properly? What's more important to him, spending time with them sick or helping them to get over the sickness?
Spending time with them sick
Spending time with them sick = letting them go out with their grandparents all day after being in a covid outbreak area just 2 weeks ago. Then offloading then to me to babysit tomorrow. All so he can just have them 'under his roof' for another night.
naybe when bubs isn't a newborn this will be acceptable. We've already spent time in the hospital once as they came over sick just after he was born.
they can all F off.
What I don't understand is
What I don't understand is why your DuH isn't more concerned about the hospital stay. The hospitalization of an infant is an extremely stressful and scary thing to experience. My twins were hospitalized at 4 weeks and it was the scariest time of my and my husband's lives. I lost 8.5 kg in 2 weeks ... Yours doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. Why? Can you get a doctor to talk some sense into him? That at the baby's age, being unnecessarily sick, when already weakened, doesn't make the babe stronger?
He doesn't understand because
He doesn't understand because he wasn't the one who had to take him and stay there. He just sat at home with the golden children the whole time.
The doctor made a point of it but he doesn't got to the newborn check ups either, so when I pass it on he says I'm just being OTT. The midwife said she would definitely speak to him at the hospital after birth but again, hardly there as he kept running home to be with skids instead. So she missed him. He has been spoken to by in-laws before me and bubs came home (as they know these skids are constantly sick and unhygienic) and that's coming from in laws who love these skids. I'm at a loss.
this post was more a vent anyway. I just hate step life.
Vent away. Your DuH is a
Vent away. Your DuH is a pathetic apology for a father. Have you asked him if he even cares about your baby? I'm pretty sure you have... But have you told him what a turn off he is when he clearly shows that he doesn't care about your baby nor you?
PS -I am staunchly on your side.
I have asked in passing
I have asked in passing because anytime bubs is being whingy or slightly difficult as babies are he comments about how he cant stand children. And when he walks in the door he walks straight past bubs and doesn't want to hold him or anything. That's even when the skids are not around. It's like a chore to him if he has to pay any attention to the baby. Then when his skids come over all of a sudden is cuddling them non stop and watching movies with them all day. I asked him if it's only one child he has a problem with. He just stares at me blankly as if I'm stupid to think that, all while he makes no effort with our baby. And you're right he doesn't care about me either, because he also makes zero effort with me. I want to leave but I am on parental leave and have no extra money, and we don't share our finances so I can't stash any. I only have enough money in our joint account each week for very basic groceries and rent. That's how I feel now anyway, in the past as soon as I try and leave he begs me to stay.
It looks like he only got you
It looks like he only got you pregnant to make it harder for his unpaid nanny and housekeeper to leave.
This is not a marriage. He is not acting like any meaningful father to your child.
Please don't stay out of fear. He's providing no support anyhow, and if you leave you'll receive some child support at least.
Agree. But do not necessarily
Agree. But do not necessarily rely on him for much support. Men like this find ways to "punish" you for leaving.
Even when your baby is no longer a newborn is no guarantee
The common cold or flu can’t cause a full blown respiratory infection and a priority 1 ambulance ride to hospital.
My inlaws would come over sick and contagious to our home for family dinners or even famil events. We didn’t know they were sick and they didn’t even feel guilty coming over with full blown bronchitis and me and kids having to go to hospital with trouble breathing and needing oxygen.
hubby didn’t want to tell off his family because he didn’t want the drama. The result is we do no more family dinners and i refuse to attend the bulk of events because i don’t want to risk it...
now when in laws say they miss my bbq’s and cooking, i’m like “oh well”
it took almost a year for it to sink into hubby and i fought hard on principle... i wasn’t putting our kids health at risk.
Heck my sd’s have 3 cats at home and always are costed in cat hair. My son is highly allergic to cat dander so being near them instantly causes his eyes to swell up, rash all over his body on areas that came in contact with cat dander and within mins he looks kike he has a full blown flu..
hubby didn’t like me calling sd’s dirty for having alk their clothes caked in cat hair... but that aint my problem
what alot of us here have found is sometimes you do need to find your husbands balls for him and make him wear it with pride!!
“Sure i’ll babysit them in between my breastfeeding,
diaper changes, poo tsunamis, vomiting, spit up, not having time to shower or eat or even drink my cup of coffee warm.... sure i’ll babysit them!!”
Say that with such sarcasm and stare him down, if he can’t see what kind of a d*ck he is being, he needs a good smack at the back of the head to knock some sense into him m
In saying this, if they were
In saying this, if they were kept to their bedrooms and not in the common area holding bubs and coughing all over him while under DHS watch I might be less concerned. But it's disgusting. There is no containing the sick germs. He just thinks it's fine for bubs to get it too.
In my mind, that would be
In my mind, that would be different too. However, he just doesn't care and that makes him a horrible SOB.
It's not BM's job to care
It's not BM's job to care about your child's well-being, of course she doesn't - what's sad is that your own husband doesn't care, and doesn't care about your needs and feelings, either.