Well, I did it!
As some of you know, my SKids don't live with myself and my SO anymore. They live with their BM, so I decided to purge my entire house including the rooms they stay in when they are here to "VISIT". Well, i purged and omg, the SD 18 and the SS 14, went off on me. My SO knew I was purging, I told both SKids I was purging. And both of them whined, and threw tempertantrum over facebook and on the phone. Saying " she ( me), had no right to go into "their rooms" and purge", my SO even went threw the stuff I was selling and donating before I did. And now both SKids are claiming I traumatized them, and that their anxiety levels are so high because of me. SD 18 claims to need therapy because I "invaded" her safe zone at "her house". And the SS 14 says " you will see how mad I am when I come there again." ( threat????). Both SKids and their BM say i need to replace everything I sold or donated and my SO is thinking now I may have gone to far and maybe I shouldn't have purged.. WTH, they don't live with us and moving to BM was their choice. Did I over step, in my own house?
Hind sight.....
But in this case.... the Skids, BM and even DH are showing signs of their collective idiocy.
Visitors do not get dedicated space in a home that they are not full time or at lease mostly full time residents in. Your home, you decorate the space as you and your SO see fit.
The Skids need to STFU, as for does BM, and comply with the visitation order. They should appreciate having nice rooms to themselves when they visit.
PERIOD! DOT!
And no, you did not overstep. Your DH needs to man up and have your back.
IMHO of course.
Welllll---you did go too far.
Welllll---you did go too far. If they can produce receipts of all the stuff you "PURGED" chucked in the trash or what ever,,,you could end up paying in small claims court.
I get it, if the kids are not coming to the house like they did during visitation...make the room a 'what ever". But to chuck out their stuff. That is very ugly.
Its that behavior "PURGE" that gives decent step parents a very bad name.
JMO---sounds like you did what you wanted to do.
See her Blog post "Moved out and their rooms"
OP did in fact tell the skiddos all about her plans well ahead of time, and they even had a chance to go through their things in "their "rooms", and had said that there was nothing additional that they wanted.
So in fact they are going back on what the told OP.
OP do you have any texts that confirm they did not want anything that they left behind????
You did everything "by the book" in my estimations. This is YOUR house not THIERS. They are not traumatised they are drama Queens/Kings. They went through, and gave the green light. If you or your SO have ANYTHING saying this via text, save it and screen shot it and send it to everyone in a group text. Document everything as you now know that these people are Toxic Back stabbers.
Except, IIRC, before OP
Except, IIRC, before OP purged she asked the skids to take anything they wanted to their mom's house and they said they didn't want anything.
This is just skids being dramatic. The SS hadn't visited in a couple years. They shouldn't have rooms at the house; they should just be treated as visitors, IMO. My relatives who occasionally visit us don't get to keep a bunch of stuff in my house.
I would agree that OP went too far if she had not given everyone (including her SO) warning and an opportunity to collect anything they wanted. But she did - she went about it the right way. Ignore them all, OP.
As far as I can see you did
As far as I can see you did nothing wrong as you informed people.
I used to get rid of some of my bio kids ‘junk’ when they were at school occasionally and they wouldn’t notice.
I would put items that cost a lot in the shed.
Any items of value such as an x box or something could be taken back with them after visiting they aren’t heavy! It’s just most kids are too lazy to pack.
You have a right to live in a tidy house.
But yes like the others say document stuff when dealing with untrustworthy snowflakes.
Doubt it's the stuff itself
Doubt it's the stuff itself that they are peeved about. Rather, Dad and SM cleaning out their rooms shows that Dad isn't chasing and abasing himself before skids to come back.
The skids want to hold on to the power of rejecting them and their house - harder to maintain when the rooms are de-shrined. But if they can get Dad to throw SM under the bus to appease them... puppet strings still work.
Still would not have ditched
Still would not have ditched it. I would have boxed it and shipped OR dropped it off on their front porch.
Now there is this backlash. Go figure right?
Let me fill in a few blanks
All the skids stuff that was sentimental, of value or something I knew they wanted was washed, folded and is stored in one closet for them to access and take when they come to visit again. All the stuff that was purged was again, gone through by my SO and approved to get rid of. Such as SD18 35 stuffed animals, 3 garbage bags of clothes that were stained, too small or torn. SS 14 bag of dinky cars, clothes too small etc. I never and have never gone against my skids.
You and DH did fine. Don't
You and DH did fine. Don't sweat it.
Good riddance to the gone toxic prior relationship breeding mistakes that are under BM's toxic mind control.
Enjoy the clean and recovered space.
OP then you did your best.
OP then you did your best.
No harm no foul.
You did nothing wrong, except
You did nothing wrong, except marry a whishy washy man who is afraid of his children. It is your home, they has no right to that space or hold you hostage to their whims.