Christmas drama
DH and I haven't bought the Christmas plane tickets yet for SS to come out. He really wanted to talk to SS before he bought them, for several reasons- one being that he could actually explain to SS why he doesn't want to give up 2 days with him.
Well, SS didn't answer his facetime call (in the CO) last night for the 4th week in a row. So DH texted BM saying essentially that since he hasn't actually spoken to SS he is going to buy the tickets as orginally planned. Well, about 2 am DH got a text from SS (we didn't hear or see it until this morning) that said "I only want to come there from the 20th-27th because I have a dance and basketball practice. It would be better if you just came here and I could stay home". Of course that isn't going to fly. We aren't spending Christmas apart #1- especially with my mom battling cancer right now, DH won't be able to take leave then #2.
I told DH to email BM this:
While I understand that SS wants to participate in the school dance and a basketball practice over winter break, I am not willing to give up 2 days from the already minuscule time that I have with our son every year, especially after you did not send him out at all last year. However, I am willing to negotiate. If you allow SS to come out for Thanksgiving break as well as a shortened Winter break (Dec 20-27), I will accept the shorter Winter break parenting time. You have had both Thanksgiving and Christmas with our son for the past 8 years, me having both this year shouldn't be an issue. Please let me know if this will work by 6:30 pm your time, as I am purchasing the plane tickets this evening.
Since I have not been able to speak with SS for the last 4 weeks, please let me know when would be a good time to make up a call with him. It would be helpful if you would send me his work schedule.
Also, I requested previously that you send me the school calendar that you received as nothing is online for the school calendar at this time.
Have you found out a date for SS’s 504 or IEP meeting this year?
Finally, who is our son’s doctor? I have been requesting that information since March when it was discovered that you changed his doctors and did not tell me.
So we will see what she says!
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Comments
It's either going to be radio
It's either going to be radio silence, or "SS" texting your DH with some bull on "stop harassing my mother! These are all my choices!"
Either one of those.
My bet is that he won't get
My bet is that he won't get on the plane again this year.
It bothers me that kids are allowed to be the decision-makers in so many stepfamilies. In my situation, BM will sometimes ask DH to adjust time to accommodate her, if he agrees, then she'll say "I have to ask SSs to make sure they are okay with it" when it was her idea in the first place. When I was a kid, I went where my parents told me to go when they told me to go...I didn't set my own schedule. It's emotional blackmail and it lets the kid feel as if they are in charge.
YES! Even the GAL AND JUDGE
YES! Even the GAL AND JUDGE told BM and SS that he doesn't have a choice in visitation until he is 18. SS is not supposed to know about any of the communication between BM and DH. Of course that has never been followed.
A big part of me hopes he doesn't get on the plane this year again. I dont want to have to pretend with SS when we have so much going on in our lives right now. I know how badly Dh wants to spend the holiday with SS though so I will just let it go...
I wouldn't do bupkis. Keep
I wouldn't do bupkis. Keep the CO'd time. If SS isn't man enough to speak to his father in person about his needs instead of through texting, then no changes will be made.
Too much communication with BM won't help it any. She'll agree to Thanksgiving, then not send him for either one, after you've bought plane tickets for both.
That is a fear of mine....
That is a fear of mine....
When you are reasonable
When you are reasonable people, it's hard to feel like you are being unreasonable by saying no. But he will survive missing those two events and you know this is just BM messing with you anyway.
Give BM a HARD NO and buy the tickets for the CO'd time. Explain it to SS when he gets there.
And remind her about the
And remind her about the threat of jail if she doesn't comply with the CO (and try not to smirk as you do so).
My OSD lives only 1.5 hours
My OSD lives only 1.5 hours away and DH cannot make her come here.
This year will be the third holiday without her - DH is doing ok, had a good session with his counselor yesterday, she and he asked me for some input on OSD. I liked his counselor, hopefully your DH can find one to help him work through this for the time being?
"Do not give changes to a
"Do not give changes to a court order and do not ask for changes to a court order's. *TM * Orange County---poster from years and years ago. I miss him. I learned a lot from him.
.