Hello, new to the page and looking for some parenting help.  I am a 38 year old stepmom to a 10 year old boy.  I have no biological children of my own.  In order for our stepson to earn fun things he has to do chores or some form of a learning activity.  Usually this is no big deal and he is very easy going about it with the occasional complaint or whining.  A standard daily activity is to read two chapters out of a book.  He started the Harry Potter series last year in August and already got through all the books.  We did a movie marathon of all the movies as he finished the books and were supposed to take him to Universal Studios as a reward if he finished them all prior to a planned trip to California however COVID happened and it was cancelled.  He’s currently reading the Percy Jackson series and we watched the first two movies after he finished each book.

My husband and I will speak in broken Spanish in front of him when we don't want him to know what we're saying and he doesn't like this so he started online Spanish lessons as well.  He asked if he could read one chapter of his book and do one unit of Spanish instead of reading two chapters in his book and we said that is a good idea.  It was his idea and it had been going well.  My husband and I also started taking Russian lessons online so that we'd have a new language to use if we wanted to discuss something without him knowing what we're saying as well as show him that it's great to keep learning throughout life.  

In the past few weeks he has started putting up a fight about the reading and Spanish more and more, even before school started.  And for reference, he has been reading since summer 2019 and through the school year so this is not something new to him since COVID hit.  He will ask if he can play video games and in response I'll ask if he did his reading or Spanish yet, knowing that he has not.  He confirms he did not do it so I tell him he needs to get those done in order to earn video game time.  To read one chapter and do one unit of Spanish is less than 30 minutes depending on how focused he is on it.  He will completely shut down now when he knows he has to get these done.  Barely answers in one word answers, eventually says he just wants to go back to grandma's where his mother is currently living or tries to go to his room to get out of it.  He will also try the "I don't have to do that at grandma's" and lately it has turned into him calling me mean.  

His father will also reinforce this issue and has kept his son out of kung fu here and there as a punishment for not owning his responsibilities.  Kung Fu has been explained as a "get to do" not a "have to do".  School is a have to do and we liken it to him as his job.  We've been working on adding chores to his responsibilities and learning is also one of those responsibilities even if it is outside of school.  He's had play time removed, toys put away to be played with another time and/or play time with friends canceled if he doesn't get his reading or Spanish done.  He keeps bringing it back to I'm mean because I make him do this and he doesn't have to do it at grandma's house.  He tries to say I yell at him (I don't, I talk through why this behavior will not work as he gets older) or that I am mean because I take away his toys.  I asked him when I take away his toys, and he said it's when he doesn't do his reading.  When I asked why that's mean or different than when grandma takes away his cell phone I'm told that she will give it back.  He has said before that grandma will threaten to take away his phone but she doesn’t really do it.

His grandparents on his mom’s side have two adult daughters that live with them and they are enablers through and through.  His mother got evicted from her townhouse when we bought our house together.  His aunt has always lived with grandma and grandpa and paid to have "her" bathroom remodeled.  As far as I know neither adult daughter contributes to household expenses and when he is over there grandma is more of a mother than his biological mother.  Grandma will take him to his kung fu lessons, was actively taking him to/from school and helping with homework.  Grandma cooks and if mom has to get food for him it is drive through at McDonalds.  Mom's version of responsibility is saying it is someone else's problem.  Before she was evicted, she had over $3,000 coming in each month between child support from two dads and alimony and she still got evicted because of non-payment.  She tried to claim the landlord had it out for her, yet mysteriously she wasn't paying her rent.  No drug or alcohol issues that we know of and we’ll never know where the money went.  When my husband got a new car his ex was jealous so within a month she got a new vehicle.  She did not budget well and ended up having no money for rent so her mom covered it for her.

In the past month mom went to Florida for two weeks to visit her old/current boyfriend.  We heard three different dates of when she'd be back, and it broke her son's heart each time she didn't get home when he expected.  She claimed she never told him the other two dates yet her mother was preparing to go to the airport and bring him with to pick mom up when she arrived.  When she finally did get home on a Wednesday evening he said he wanted to spend a whole week with her.  By Friday morning was texting his dad asking him to come pick up their son on Saturday morning when he got off his work shift.  His son called him on Friday and asked him to come get him too.  Less than three full days with his mom and he was bored.

We have taken my stepson on numerous vacations and family trips.  He's done a European road trip with us, traveled around the US and doesn't really want for anything.  He has never been a greedy child nor has he gone in a store with the "I want" mentality demanding that we buy XYZ for him.  He is a very friendly boy and makes friends wherever we go.  Chores are not new to him and he has been asking to learn about earning money and spending money for a while now.  He does well in school and doesn't typically have issues with homework or getting it done.  He has seen me work through a graduate program and his dad work through an online associate’s degree to eventually go for a bachelor’s degree.  Continuing education is celebrated in our house.

Sorry for the long post.  Tried to give as much context to our situation to allow for a decent review.  Any suggestions would be appreciated!