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Beware the troubled stepkid

jrpartner's picture

Submitted by jrpartner on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 7:43pm

This is a warning to all out there with blended families.  I truly pray this applies to none of you.  But now unfortunately it applies to me.  If there's a kid in your home, and he or she exhibits troubling behavior (ex:severe outbursts, signs of manipulative/narcissitic behavior, sometimes diagnosed as ADHD/bipoloar/ODD/etc) please get that person professional help.  Consider the fact that if there's a troubled kid in your home, and he/she behaves badly toward the adults, just imagine how he/she could act toward another child in the home who especially when unsupervised.  That's a long intro.  Here's what I've come to understand recently.  The child of my now ex was abusive toward my child for many years and I had no idea.  And it was THAT kind of abuse.  Words cannot express the grief, anger, rage, sorrow, betrayal, and regret I feel for not knowing and not stopping this the very first time it occurred.  I had no idea.  But that's not completely true.  I knew he was an abusive person.  He was physically abusive to literally everyone in the home at one time or another- at one point there were 5 of us.  I knew he was emotionally abusive and would often try to manipulate the entire family to being upset if he happened to be on  a given day.  It wasn't every day, and he wasn't always this way.  But it's been clear for a very long time that he has serious problems.  PLEASE-  if this even remotely resembles your life--- be nosy!!  Ask uncomfortable questions.  Do everything possible to know that your family is safe, and you don't have a monster living right under your nose!!!!  

Comments

MsFaye's picture

Submitted by MsFaye on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 7:47pm

Sorry you are going through that, I hate my step kids because my husband is so fucking soft he does not speak up for their wrong doing n disrespect they do to him 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 7:59pm

I am so sorry for you and your child. I cannot begin to imagine what your family is going through. I hope you have reported the abuse and are seeking professional help for your child.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Tue, 09/01/2020 - 8:24pm

I am so very sorry that happened to your child. Hopefully he/she is getting some much needed therapy. If you are not already, please consider going to therapy with your child to figure out why they did not tell you about it right away. 

My formerSO's kid was wicked. I left shortly after having our baby (but not soon enough, I should have left before he was born). His kid attempted to hurt baby multiple times and formerSO did nothing except make excuses for his kid (13 so definitely knew better) or just ignored the problems that were growing in severity. 

I am very glad you took appropriate steps to stop the abuse once you found out! Too many seem willing to let their child remain in bad home environments because the are scared to "start over" or "be single". 

I see you are no longer married/in a relationship. Did your ex also try to make excuses or ignore the problem?

jrpartner's picture

Submitted by jrpartner on Wed, 09/02/2020 - 10:10pm

@SteppedOut,

For the longest time the worst problem in the home (so I thought) was my ex getting along with her son.  They had a terrible relationship and both were volatile.  She didn't make excuses for him but they were dysfunctional to say the least

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Wed, 09/02/2020 - 2:41am

I have an older sister who was never able to manage her emotions appropriately. My childhood was spent being a punching bag for her violent tendencies, and my home life was filled with the constant chaos she caused. She made it a point to break every rule she encountered, and went on to an exciting career visiting interesting places of incarceration for drugs and burglary. 

All parents make mistakes; what's important is you owning them, providing a safe place for your daughter, and getting the help she needs to be able to heal. Please look your child in the eyes and APOLOGIZE. Please report the abuse. Please let your ex know what the monster she birthed did to your daughter. And please get some counseling, perhaps with your daughter, so you can learn how to forgive yourself and move forward together.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Wed, 09/02/2020 - 12:15pm

Hi.

How very very sad. Im sad for your daughter who had to put up with the abuse for so long. Your blogs go back over 2 years. She was assaulted and demeaned. I hope she is in therapy, both of you, perhaps can grow in a positive direction from this. At least you found out, so she trusts you enough to talk to you about her horrible experiences.

Please let us know how she is doing. She is now 16? So young. Is her mother in the picture at all? You dont mention anything about the BM, so Im guessing not.

I know that you tried to keep your family together, but Im so glad that you and your daughter got away from that monster. Some people are not "fixable". I do hope that you pressed charges. I also hope you called out your ex, for her enablement. Its clear from your previous posts that the exSS had issues towards women in particular. 

Thanks for the updates, perhaps posting here will help you, with what emotions you are dealing with right now.

jrpartner's picture

Submitted by jrpartner on Wed, 09/02/2020 - 10:15pm

@CLove,

Amazingly my daughter seems to be ok.  She blurted out this information to me one day out of the blue.  I had no idea, no warning signs something was seriously wrong.  Her mother passed away a couple years ago so she is not in the picture.  Charges will be pressed if possible, but this process is just beginning for us.  I believe my daughter will be ok.  I'm not sure I will.

jrpartner's picture

Submitted by jrpartner on Wed, 09/02/2020 - 10:20pm

Thank you all for the questions and comments.  This is one way I am choosing to deal with the situation.  My daughter is entering therapy, as am I.  We have good people around us.  As I try to control the utter rage that boils within me, I remember- the most important thing is to help my daughter deal with this and move forward and have a good life.  She's a sweet girl, very bright, an excellent student.  She has a bright future ahead of her and I will try to focus on that.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Fri, 10/02/2020 - 10:07pm

He would run away from home because daddy told him to be respectful to me and not treat me and my kids with hubby like we are invisible and not a part of his life.

hubby chose to cowtow to him and gaslight me that ss wanted to run away because of me. Oh i lost my shit with hubby that day and reminded him ss had no respect for others and he has and always be a little shit and that is why he is threatening to run.

there was one day because even though ss lived in our home, my kids don't recognize him as family but a stranger. When my son saw him leave the room, my son was screaming as ss was a stranger to him and made him so uncomfortable. Ss laughed!!

the fact this 20 yr old saw his half brother who was 1 cry in distress because ss presence scared him to such extent and his sister who was about 3 that i was carrying and hugging 2 kids whilst he laughed about it, leta just say the only message to hubby at work was "what an amazing job at parenting this kid he has done and what kind of shitshow was he running"

i have disengaged and will never go back