Our plans always take a back seat now
Have been with my BF for 5 years now. SS just turned 13. BF works out of country for 3 weeks, then home for 3. We now have SS for the entire time he's home. BF and I never have alone time anymore, and what we do is dictated by SS. If he doesn't want to do it, our plans get cancelled. If we start something and SS gets bored, my BF gets upset and immediately has to make sure that SS is having fun and ALWAYS comes first so we always end up doing what SS wants...(and he's bored ALL the time-unless he's playing video games). We bought a boat and he's even bored with that!
BF and I had plans to buy a home on the water. Now, all of a sudden it's been put on the back burner because he (suddenly) realized that he can't live outside a certain limit from his son. (Court ordered). So, once again, our plans get sidelined. Even though, it's not much farther than where we currently live.
Im starting to feel resentful. His son is spoiled and BF and I have been drifting apart because of our lack of one on one time. BF and I had plans for our future that have gone to the wayside. Every minute revolves around BF bending over backwards to appease his child, (and child knows it, and plays it well). I can't say anything about it or it becomes a fight.
It's time to have that fight
It's time to have that fight - and let your BF know that you are at the end of the rope with playing second fiddle to his son.
Why can't he go back to court
Why can't he go back to court and request a change in circumstances. He should be allowed to move as long g as it doesn't interfere with his parenting responsibilities. As long as he is still getting him to and from school on his weeks and doing g his part, who cares where he lives-- he is using this as an excuse.
Also- if you are always 2nd in his life, why are you with him. 5 years wasted is better than 10! He needs to decide if he wants a partner or not. Because if this is your life with him you are just a bed warmer...
No thanks. I'd bow out. You
No thanks. I'd bow out. You have already deicated 5 years to this relationship and see nothing has changed. BF can put HIS life on hold if he wants, but no need for you to give up your dreams too, etc.
When DH and I were dating, we talked above moving in together. His only reservation at the time was "how it would look in court" IF BM ever took him back. I told him that living a "what if" life dependent on a past relationship was NOT for me. We ended up moving in together and then getting married shortly after. Long story short, BM DID take DH back to court, but our relationship had nothing to do with the custody case. I'm glad we chose to not put our personal life on hold. I'd suggest you do the same.
No sorry, he's not a
No sorry, he's not a wonderful man, partner nor father. He's training his son to become an obnoxious dictator, and he's neglecting you and the needs of you both as a couple.
I would not back away from
I would not back away from that fight, unless you're willing to live this way the rest of your life. This will only get worse as the child gets older.
It sounds like there is only "leftover" room in DH's life for you -- whatever space SS isn't using at the time.
Take a deep breath, and tell your DH what you need from him. Don't focus on SS -- say what YOU need and how YOU feel. Try not to even mention SS because the fault IS with DH, and not his kid.
Why would anyone choose to take a backseat in their own life?
To do so is just stupid IMHO.
I get the difficulty of the rotational international assignment work schedule. My DW and I have done it periodically over the years including for a few intermittent years when SS was growing up.
However, my time at home was not all about the kid. It was certainly about family time but the focus was on time for my wife and I to reconnect and nurture our relationship.
Your DH is a moron. Why would you tolerate 100% of your marrital relationship time together focusing on your Skid?
Stop that.
IMHO the message to DH should be.... I get 2 weeks of your rotation home time for just the two of us. Skid can come for one of the three weeks. No discussion, zero tolerance for anything else.
He can choose. Two weeks for his marriage or there will be no marriage.
Good luck.