I am so sorry you and your toddler are treated this way. Just the other day  I read a comment you posted on a blog how every morning you wake up with a heartache filled with regrets. How sad. We have one life to live, although life isnt always a bed of roses, we need to work towards making life the best it can be. 

I hope you make changes so that the good outweighs the bad. 

Although I am not in your current position I do remember the straight look of anixety if SO did not answer BM calls. 
 

This was in the beginning of a downfall. I remember a specific time (3 years ago) it was BMs weekend and pretty much the only time she ever agreed to let the skids do anything on a night that was hers. (She couldn't be bothered driving back 10 minutes to get them after she picked them up) She picked up SD, MSS, and OSS (14 at the time) was going to football game so he stayed behind and she was getting him after the game.

SO and myself left to go out to eat. Well, BM had told SS that she would be back at 8:30 to pick him. He had rode his bike to the high school (half mile away from our house) 

It was 8:30 and he wasn't back yet. BM started calling SO. First call I looked at him and said don't answer, then second, then third, then fourth. The anxiety in his face is through the roof now. Then fifth call, and now at the SIXTH call he answers. SS's phone was dead and he wasn't back at the house and she wanted to know if SO had any of his friends number so she can try and get a hold of him. Legit, are f'n kidding me. 6 times she called! I get the whole him not being on time thing but, she knew we weren't home and what were you suppose to do?!! Magically make him appear. I said to him has she meet him?? (Talking about SS) 

He ended up showing up 5 minutes late while they were on the phone during her sixth phone call to SO. 
 

That look of anixety though. It never goes away. Even now   2 1/2 years later when BM stopped taking the skids all together. 

Hope he didn't trip over the corpse of your marriage while in his hurry to go pick up his child...who will someday move out into their own life and forget he exists until they need some fast cash.

he was barely a month and hubby had a work/sport tournament for a week which his company was sponsoring so hubby suggested i stay with him that week and i could easily go to the restaurants nearby for lunch etc when hubby was out at the events. 

He told ss who was 19 to come along for that week as we stayed in a 2 bedroom apartment and ss job was to keep our almost 1.5 yr old daughter companyxand play with her and keep her entertained since it was university holidays and ss wasn’t doing anything so bonding with his sister made sense right??

ss spent that week locked in his bedroom, cleaner come to clean his room and he is suffering computer game withdrawals fidgeting like crazy while my daughter is looking at him.

1 day for breakfast i had my newborn son in baby carrier crying as he was hungry, daughter in stroller and ss19 waiting outside our hotel room door. Door was stiff to open because it has those automatic door closes on top so i was patting my son in baby carrier whilst trying to hold this door open whilst push my daughter out in stroller

all ss did was stare at me struggling, like actually staring at me struggling with blank emotion, blank face. I snapped and told him off “can you help open the door and push your sister out” which he reluctantly agreed to.

at that point i wondered what ss purpose was here as he did friggin nothing and was enjoying a free holiday...

I asked hubby what kind of shitty kid he was raising here?? How proud was he that this was his kid who just behaved like that the whole trip. Not once did he attempt bonding with our kids ever which was the purpose of the trip...

had that been hubbys niece or nephews they would be hugging my daughter even cuddling her to sleep. They care more about her than her own brother does... but i guess when you have reiterated so many times how we aren’t family, you cannot expect much....

even when my dad comes to visit and hubby drives to the airport with ss, ss stands there. My husband has to tell him to help carry the bags and make himself useful... it just confuses you like “why come if you really want to do nothing but make people uncomfortable”

Did he at least help comfort your toddler when you brought her inside? 
Your marriage sounds so lonely :(.

The bar is set pretty low if finding out that your husband is not a complete idiot is a victory. 

I am guilty of something like the opposite scenario. On Saturday mornings when we go to pick up sd12 my husband will become a bit manic. I know full well that this is because he's anxious about getting on the road to go pick her up because it takes a few hours. However he never says anything to me about specifically when he's picking her up or when he would like to leave the house. So I just proceed with my normal Monday routine until he says something.

I guess the moral of the story is on both sides we just need to say something rather than assume our spouses are going to anticipate our needs. It would be absolutely wonderful if we had the same needs as our spouse but we don't always. I never excited to have SD visit and he wants to see his kid. I have done a similar thing when it comes to groceries because it just seems so obvious that I need help. My husband will still say why don't you speak up when you need help? I don't know why don't you just help me??