Trying to get out and need advice
I previously posted a topic entitled "drowning...please help". Essentially I am now a 26 year old man living the life of a 45 yr old. If you read the previous post it may give some insight as to my situation. Things are getting worse. I began making steps to try go leave and my fiancee caught on. The usual threats and pleading and lies followed. I am honestly afraid of what she is capable of if I go. Leaving my stepchildren behind after 5 years seems daunting also. I did manage to buy a beater and fix it up, so at least one of the things I worked so hard for is actually in my name. Leaving her I will likely lose everything else. I lost my job to covid this week and upon learning of this, she has moved all of my money into her account with the pretext of saving it. I have no access to the finances. We have a joint account, and she has her own to which I have no access. She also schemed with her ex husband (who literally almost never sees the kids and financially does zilch) to have her ex husband file both kids on his taxes, and him give her the child tax credit. Because of this I can't even file them for 2019 or 2018, and I was their 100% caregiver. Now I owe 3000 dollars for 2018. For 2019 it is looking more like 5 or $6000. All this when the government should have given me a fat tax return. She lies on government forms. Its insanity and she feels right doing it. Because of her I listing me as a non resident and provider so she could get food stamps I cannot get medicaid (now that I'm unemployed) without her experiencing legal consequences. If I sue over the taxes the same will occur. I also want to go to the domestic violence center and seek help, but she will physically try to stop me from leaving the house without her. I want to be happy. So badly. And free. And I am very much trapped. And I know the kids, especially the 8yr old boy, would be devastated. I need help. I'm still at a loss and after my last post (drowning...please help) I gave up because of the kids, and fear of change and losing everything. But I am done now with this no matter what, but walking away isn't as simple as it sounds.
Focus on getting a job. Open
Focus on getting a job. Open your own bank account and save up money. I'd say file for Medicaid now, but that would tip your hand when she was notified, so wait until you are out to do that - hopefully you are healthy at 26. Slowly start taking any important stuff you have and give it to a trusted friend to hold onto. When you have enough money, get your own place in secret and move out without her knowledge.
Your other option is to go to the domestic violence shelter (call and make sure they can place men) in secret. Surely you can find an excuse to leave the house. At the very least, go there for counseling and support.
You can't worry any longer about your stepkids' well-being or whether your SO experiences consequences due to HER actions. You are in an abusive situation and you need to leave, but you need to do it safely.
Any consequences she receives
Any consequences she receives for defrauding tax payers is entirely her own fault, not yours.
The domestic violence center might be able to provide you with counseling services to help you find the courage to pursue any legal action you can to get your money back.
You deserve to live the life of a 26 year old, childfree man.
Do you have any family or
Do you have any family or friends that you can stay with temporarily?
Baby steps.
1- See if you can get out now. Take your clothes and sentimental belongings and go.
2- Focus on a job
3- Open a checking account in your name only
4-Get your own place and start furnishing it. There are tons of things you can pick up on facebook marketplace for free or cheap. Starting over in a shitty studio apartment with hand-me-down furniture will feel amazing. It will be YOURS and you will be back in control of your life.
Really?
You are worried about her having legal consequences for her fraud and manipulation.
Why?
Bring the pain. I would file your tax return accurately and firle for every available benefit that you should have. Consequences for your X and her manipulative breeding partner be damned.
You have to take the gloves off and go to war to win and to bring every twinge of pain that you can bring to bear on your X.
Her crminal bullshit is your problem because you won't hold her accountable.
Hold her accountable.
Do as others have suggested.
Leave, take everything and anything that is not nailed down.
Open your own account in a bank that your X knows nothing about and get your unemployement benefits direct deposited in a place that she has zero access to or knowledge of.
Engage help from friends and family, couch surf until you can get a new job and put this evil woman and her shallow and polluted gene pool and breeding partners in your past completely.
Congradulations on the start of your new life adventure.