Mistakes I've Made
It's so easy to come here and vent our frustrations. SPs get the short end of the stick in the blended family dynamic far too often and sometimes this is the only safe place to vent. But I made some mistakes too. Here's what I've learned the hard way:
* Although I have a lot of life experience dealing with the same abuse and abandonment issues as the SKIDs, they don't want my help in overcoming their own. My well-intended attempts were perceived as an intrusion and judgement. My approach was all wrong.
* I assumed my attempts to bond would be returned. They didn't ask for my presence in their life. Trust takes time. I was impatient.
* I assumed SO agreed with my vision of our future, which entailed the SKIDs launching as soon as they were finished with school and had jobs. I interpreted his silence in planning the future as acceptance. Turns out he didn't agree with that plan at all. I should have listened to the silence more. (Yes, he should have used his words more.)
* I assumed that SO and the SKIDs were flexible and adaptable to change. I'm a gypsy. I naturally roll with change. I can't assume everybody is like me and that they may need more time to adjust to the idea of change.
* When SO finally did use his words to express his anxiety at the idea of all the changes I was expecting, I took it as a rejection and we got in a fight. SO hates conflict so he shut down and doesn't use his words anymore for fear of my reaction.
These are just the big ones. SO made plenty of assumptions and mistakes too, but it takes two to make a relationship work and blended families have to work even harder.
Just sharing what I've learned about myself in the hopes it can help someone else. Maybe I'm repeating the mistake in the first bullet again. 
Very good post
How about:
I thought my good intentions would make everything ok.
Another one
I thought every BM would want to retain primary custody of her kids.
Here is a good one.
Here is a good one. He is so wonderful that the kids who share his DNA must be wonderful too! (facepalm)
On a roll here
Once the kids move out, we won't have any problems.
Living that one
Living that one right now. Can we say WRONG??????
More and more
If I throw money at this problem, it will go away.
Can't stop
My DH would never go behind my back. He'd never tell a kid one thing and me something else, just to keep peace.
I hate to be a bloghog but cant help it
It will be fun to take all 5 kids on vacation.
Here is another.
Here is another. Of course the kids need to be the priority since they are children and I am an adult. But if there is ever anything truly serious going on with me then he will be able to adjust and take care of my needs.
You KNEW...
Haven't seen THIS old chestnut yet:
"You KNEW what you were getting into!"
Grrrrr....
Grrrr.... (throws a water balloon at StepUltimate)
I thought as SD got older she
I thought as SD got older she would see her mom's crazy antics, how illogical she is, and how much damage she causes. :/
SD has put her higher on the pedestal even more that she is getting older. Their personalities are clones too.
Too funny
Ya'll make me laugh.
I assumed that I'd be treated
I assumed that I'd be treated fairly, and that I'd be treated as my husband's wife because I was my husband's wife. Never occurred to me that many of the unwritten rules in Step World could be so different, even to the point of being the oppostie of what traditionally occurs or is expected in a relationship.
That's why I don't see a lot of these as mistakes as much as I see them as just assuming that what works good for the goose works good for the gander. Who would ever guess, for instance, that the biggest players in how well SM and SKs get along are BM and bio-dad? Generally, if you have an adult and child co-mingling, you just be nice to the child, listen, share, and you're set to go.
On the other hand, in Step World, you may have to deal with a high conflict BM and a weaker, enabling DH. Again, none of us could ever have seen this coming until we were in it.
I should have shipped him off
I should have shipped him off to Military School two years earlier and.... never bought him that damned laptop.
He turned out pretty great as it is. But, those two choices in all likelihood would have returned even better results sooner.