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Not sure how to really process this...

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 9:03am

SS10 had an appt with the psychologist this morning, Dh was taking him. Been calling Dh all morning to find out how it went and he hasn't been returning me calls or texts. Finally called me back a few minutes ago.

Said he had a really good talk with the Dr.. I ask what about, assuming about SS's behavior/ med change.

He says.... About you, and how you don't love the kids.

Silence

He says its normal though, for that animosity to be there, even when a step parent has been there from the begining that there always animosty there.

Silence

Hebalso said that its normal for kids to listen better to one parent better than the other even in normal families. One parent always gets more crap from the kids. So even though you way its not normal,it is.

And what about SS?

He was crying because he says no matter what he does he is in trouble, but I am going to eat breakfast now, bye.

So basically its perfectly normal for his kids to disrespect me and treat me like shit...

So I have no idea if they changes ss's meds, what the plan is for his behavior...... Just that I'm to blame and its unrealistic for me to expect the skids to listen to me and respect me........

Comments

SASX's picture

Submitted by SASX on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 9:47am

Sit your DH down and ask him point blank: How is it you have been raising this child for 10 years, I have only been around for 'x' number of years (and lord knows I am NOT an influence as the child will NOT listen to me)so explain to me how it is MY fault that YOUR CHILD is an asshole?

Let him try and explain himself out of that one.

While he is thinking that over, load both barrels and let them rip, aimed dead at your DH for daring to speak for you when you are not around. Then for daring to lay all blame at your feet when you are not there to defend yourself and give your side of the family story.

I do believe if I was having this conversation there would be a more than libral dose of "how F*CKING dare you" a heaping helping of "your a F*ing delusional disney dad" followed by a portion of "If you ever - ever disrespect me like this again you will find your a$$ back in divorce court" this portion needs to be large enough that it incites a purge reflex in your DH.

Cast iron skillet to back of his head.
Couch.
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PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 9:53am

I'm at work right now, doing my best not to cry. I feel like what little connection/understanding we had is now gone. What little empathy he had for what I go through for his kids is gone. He is now fully validated that its not him, its not.his kids.... It's me.

I don't really even know how to move on from here.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 10:09am

The psychologist is for his adhd. So SS doesn't usually even talk in his appts. Just me or Dh (whom ever brings him) about how his behavior has been. We get suggestion on how to deal with his issues, and we get his med script.

Not really sure why I was the topic of conversation this time, or even what was actually said... To make it come out that its my fault.

BabyDoll's picture

Submitted by BabyDoll on Tue, 04/24/2012 - 1:00pm

I'd find a different doctor as there is absolutely no excuse and I mean no excuse in all of the world for any child to treat any adult authority figure like sh*t. And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of doctors and counselors that enable this type of behavior. I have heard so much "the child must feel comfortable to express himself" cr*p that I want to vomit. Of course, a child must express their feelings BUT they must do so in an appropriate way.

My philosophy in a nutshell:

  • And as far as I am concerned, this is my house and my rules.
  • Any one living in my home will treat all the other residents with love and respect - period.
  • I demand respect and will not tolerate being mistreated from my child/stepchildren or any other person in my home.
  • No one in my house deserves a 'free ride.' I expect everyone to help to do their fair share of the chores around our home.
  • If you live in my house, you follow my rules. I don't care if you are 30 - if you live at home, you will still follow the rules.
  • If you don't want to follow the house rules or you think you are going to stand in my house and disrespect me, don't let the door hit you on the *ss on the way out.

Note: Please excuse the rant but you have got to understand that I have been parenting teens (both my own and my skids) for about ten years and have had to harden my stance due to them trying to run over me over and over again.