Make a wish and divorced families
My SD12 has Hodgkins Lymphoma, she is almost done treatment, she is finished chemo and will be wrapping up with radiation. My fiance texted me a bit ago and said that BM was contacted by make a wish to go over SD case, im really nervous about this. I was involved heavily with my SD treatments and being there for my fiance when he would take on the long appointments and so on, i had metioned this on my other forums. Recently BM got a wild hair up her ass and has ghosted me from everything, has even started trash talking me. Im so hurt because I invested so much love, time and energy into my SD. So, why am i nervous? I am nervous that i wont be a part of this, i have this feeling that BM will do anything possible to make my life hell and to put strain on my relationship with my fiance. I am excited for SD to be granted a wish, but how does it work with divorced families? Will it be just BM and my fiance? Am I included too or should i be included? What if she picks a trip, i dont feel comfortable having my fiance and his ex go on a trip together...*unknw* I need help on overthinking this, so much has happened, and i am so left in the dark, should i not even be involved with her diagnosis at all? HELP!!!!
You should be on DFs' arm and
You should be on DFs' arm and there with the SKid to celebrate. BM should get no say in that. Your DF should insist and shut BM down firmly if she slings any crap.
BM gets on board or risks losing the Skid's Make-a-Wish opportunity. If BM remains commited to her toxic crap, daddy and you need to have the facts ready bare her ass for her manipulative crap.
IMHO of course.
So, would you say that i have
So, would you say that i have the right to be there as well? My fiance will be married at the end of this month, so by the time a decision on which wish she chooses, we will be married. I feel that i have every right to be there as much as the bm, i just dont know why im so worried about all of this. Im mainly worried that if i cant be a part of it, my DF will be like "sorry for your luck!"
Duplicate
Duplicate
Absolutely you have the right
Absolutely you have the right to be there. As your STBDH's wife, you have access to every right that your DH has, which is clearly the same rights that BM has.
After all, it has been you who has been heavily involved in your SKid's treatments, and the whole journey you, DF and the SKid have been through together. It was not BM or BM's SO who was there while you were there.
I would be firm with your DH that you will be at his side during the whole journey... including the Make-a-Wish celebration for SD.
Who gives a crap if BM takes issue with that. How she chooses to react is entirely on her and has nothing to do with your family, your marriage, your participation and support of SD through her Dx and treatments and should never be a consideration for the choices that you and your DF(STBDH) make in your life together and within your family.
Just my thoughts of course.
I agree. This will depend on
I agree. This will depend on DH. He needs to cut BMs shit and make it clear that you are his wife and will accompany him, period.
This would all be easier if
This would all be easier if BM and myself still got along, she chose to hate me. If we got along than i would be certain i would feel included.
Yes, it would be easier, but
Yes, it would be easier, but this is a good test for your fiance. The only way this will work is if he sets limits on BM, doesn't let her mistreat you, and doesn't let her control everything that happens in regard to SD.
I like you Tog Redux! Always
I like you Tog Redux! Always resonable and communicates in a way where i dont feel stupid! I feel maybe hes afraid to stand his ground with her on a count of her threating to take him for child suport or go for full custody. I know she is the BM, but i would like to think that the new wife has a place in his life...
Yes, it's important that he
Yes, it's important that he stands up to her regardless - if he lets her control everything, your life will get very challenging.
And thank you for the compliment.
Youre welcome! *biggrin*
Youre welcome! *biggrin*
I always feel like im second guessing everything, should i even go through with this, or it cant be like this forever.
I think a few sessions with a
I think a few sessions with a counselor might help you and FDH iron some things out before the wedding. As in you both need to be on the same age on how BM will be handled. This could be a turning point for him and I would hate to see you get married , forsaking all others if he let BM steamroll over him and you. I would hat to think if you at the altar nursing hurt feelings about this. His loyalty should not be in doubt. I see a bigger issue here compared to this make a wish thing. If FDH can't put BM in her place and put you first as his wife to the rest of the world, you will have years of pain ahead of you. Fiancée should hold just as much weight since the wedding is planned. IMO.
Definitely know that you should be included
Because you have been there for SD through all of this, as a vital part of her support syste, Im thinking she would WANT you there. More support is BETTER.
So go forth and work it out with DF. See how he acts and reacts. This is important to establish early on because after the marriage happens it gets HARDER.