Of Course we got the Covid line
I know many of you are saying to not do custody swaps right now- however that is not an option in the eyes of DH and I for SS or my bios.
We are trying to schedule the summer visit starting June 10th - the day the stay at home order lifts for our state and more than 30 days after the order for SS's state. Plane tickets are insanely cheap right now. We want to go ahead and purchase them.
After no response for 5 days BM finally replies with no because of Covid. DH responded with:
BM,
While I respect what your opinion on the matter is, I still have the right to see my son. Unless there is a reason that those specific dates of June 10th- July 8th do not work for you I will proceed with the purchase of plane tickets today 14April2020 and expect that you will follow the court order and send our son.
If those dates do not work for you then please communicate with me and let me know by 1800 6pm central standard time. I have been advised by my attorney to go ahead with the purchase of this airfare and that we will file for contempt if our son isn’t sent.
Also, I would like to have the information for SS’s current doctors that you still have not supplied as well as an explanation for why you never responded or coordinated a call for Easter with me and our son.
We will see what happens... It was only a matter of time for this to be brought up. Our attorney told us to just buy the tickets and if SS doesn't show- back to court for contempt. The judge made the promise of a 30-day jail time. Seems like she doesn't care, we will do this one way or the other- her call.
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I would make certain tickets are refundable
I do think that most are, in the Corona era.
If restrictions are still on as of June 10th, I do not think any judge will hold anyone in contempt for not putting kids on a plane. I would be trying to pick dates later in the summer.
Good luck
I sure hope they do hold them
I sure hope they do hold them in contempt.
Many states and counties have issues statements saying that CO's are to be upheld. This is just another tactic for her. She found a tool and she is going to try and use it.
For a father to only get 3 visits a year- to have one be denied is absurd.
Feel for you. I think your
Feel for you. I think your family is going to have a battle until (and possibly beyond) ss is 18/out of high school/child support ends.
I should have stated that
I should have stated that originally he stated that if these dates don't work please let him know alternate dates. We are hoping (optimistically) to be able to get a long beach weekend before my kids fly to CA as a family.
She never offered a "Can you schedule for later in the summer just to be safe" or anything- just no. That is how it always is with her. If she would have suggested a later in the summer, I am sure DH would have agreed even if I was selfishly hoping for a few weeks this summer without entertaining teenagers. The way we have it now we would get 4 weeks kid free. We would actually be able to hopefully do a few things as just a semi newly married couple. Last summer I had my hysterectomy, I was barely mobile when my kids got back from their dad's. I was just hoping for some family time all together and then the bonus of time together alone with DH when we were picking dates.
When do your kids leave for CA?
You may be willing to have your kids fly, doesn't mean the ex has to. Everyone I know is cancelling camps, vacations, etc in June and July. Unless you can get money back, no one wants to get stuck.
I am sorry, but this may be too tight.
Courts are enforcing court
Courts are enforcing court orders even now. She does not have the right to not allow the kid to come because of COVID.
Huh? There is another thread about an ER mom losing her time
Of course, if kid can be driven from one house to the other I agree with you. Are you aware of any courts requiring kid to get on plane? I find that hard to beleive.
If that's the way they get to
If that's the way they get to their visitation, then yes - they need to get on a plane. This kid flew on a plane in late March, at the start of all of this - and we are talking about JUNE.
The mother does not have the right to decide the kid can't come without the judge's permission.
justmakingthebest - your DH should file now for contempt.
Our lawyer is already e
Our lawyer is already e-mailing hers and CC'ing the judge since they are all still in communication. He is hoping to end it before it gets to that point.
SS is 21 hours from us each
SS is 21 hours from us each way. While DH will do anything to see his kid- any court would see that as an extreme hardship and they should put the kid on a plane.
It doesn't even need to be
It doesn't even need to be hardship - kids are allowed to visit during the pandemic and all court orders are valid unless rendered invalid by a judge.
Why do you say this as fact?
Why do you say this as fact? It depends on the judge, always has!
Of course she blamed it on
Of course she blamed it on Covid. I think it is sick that people are using this as an excuse to keep the other parent away, Yes...everyone should be careful but this is getting beyond absurd.
Yes, of course. How very
Yes, of course. How very dare a pandemic come about and inconvenience our lives.
This isn't an inconvienience.
This isn't an inconvienience. This has been a 5 year battle.
If planes are an issue- DH will drive to pick him up. BM knows that.
She just found SOMETHING to cling to in order to withhold SS for a 3rd summer in a row.
It also never even factored in my mind to keep my kids from their dad this summer. Parents with out of state visitation get so little time with their kids.
Has the stay at home
Has the stay at home quarantine been extended past April the 30TH? People above are talking about June and July. When did that happen?
Edit to add...The governor of Texas is starting to talk about opening up non - essential businesses beginning of May. Unless I heard that wrong...
It didn't get extended. It's
It didn't get extended. It's just people having the opinion that no one should transfer kids for what, months? Years? Even though that has not been advised by anyone with knowledge of the problem. NY managed to flatten the curve without telling people they couldn't have visitation with their kids.
EXACTLY!!
EXACTLY!!
It's enormously frustrating
It's enormously frustrating to me that people advise something that not even the people in charge of the health departments have advised, and then shame others for not agreeing with them.
Never once has anyone in the state of NY said to not send kids to the other parent's home, and we have successfully begun to flatten the curve. And no area in the whole country is as bad as NY.
Maybe they also had thousands
Maybe they also had thousands of deaths because of it...did you think of that?
I'd love to see the
I'd love to see the statistics on this, how many cases would be traced back to divorced families who passed kids around. I can’t see us ever having that data, but it would be interesting.
In my state it is June 10th.
In my state it is June 10th.
I feel confident that our governor was on the SUPER conservative side when he made that order.
But like you said we are talking 2 months from now!
I'd have DH's attorney reach
I'd have DH's attorney reach out to BM's and maybe even the court. She doesn't have the right to do this. And I'm glad you aren't letting all the "quarantine shamers" stop you from trying to get him there for visitation.
Our governor, the pediatrician!
He cancelled the school year early and our stay-at-home order was the longest when he put it in. My goodness, I hope it doesn't go longer than that!
The guy from VA who approves
The guy from VA who approves killing new born babies if mom wants to, that guy?
Yeah... that's the one.... I
Yeah... that's the one.... I didn't vote for him!
Ha. You fell for fake news.
Ha. You fell for fake news. Worse yet, you have fallen for a painful fake talking point. The parents who decide to not continue treatment are making healthcare choices for their children. This talkingpoint has caused so much pain in the grieving families community. Some babies will die no matter what. My son would never have survived. But go ahead and use a cheap talking point.
MollyBrown, I am sorry your
MollyBrown, I am sorry your baby boy passed away.
((((HUGS)))))
I’m so sorry for your loss <3
I’m so sorry for your loss <3
Every state different -- NYC is saying no school this academic
year, and normally they go till late June. I think if your state is saying no school, making the kid fly is a tough one
Again, the court will enforce
Again, the court will enforce orders. This kid has to fly to get there. So unless BM gets the court to agree with her, she is in contempt.
And NYC has not yet decided schools will not reopen, though that is likely.
The Mayor has announced no school
The governor says not his call. Dont you love politics.
Not sure this is a good idea
We are keeping my stepson here until this thing ends. She pushed back but she has an infant with asmha and an elderly father. Safety first for everyone. But I would never allow my child to fly in a plane during this mess. Such a risk. And I wouldn't expect to get an answer right now. This situation is always changing. I definitely would love a break from my stepson but I would risk sending the virus over to her kids or vice Vera.
If BM is fine with that -
If BM is fine with that - then okay. If not, then DH is withholding your stepson.
Courts have ruled
Many people have said the same thing. "Well I would never...". And there are now MANY cases in Ontario court who have very been told clearly "yes you will, or I'll find you in contempt". Which means possible jail, and possible loss of custody. The CO is still legally binding as has been ruled in many countries, states provinces and challenges upheld.
The medical professional is measuring the damage against the risk. Not just physical risk. But the damage to relationships, emotional health, legal trust....everything. And they also haven't seen this child in weeks already with plans to not see for more. This is not a "skip one visit" situation. This is a skip MANY visits, and we'll see when it's over.
In my province, your refusal to allow SS to go to see his BM would have potentially dramatic repercussions for your DH.
BM would look
BM would look a lot less opportunistic if she had made the Easter phone call happen and provided the medical information. COVID had nothing to do with that yet somehow that went by the wayside. Her "but the COVID!!!" would hold a lot more water if she had done those things. Clearly she has no intention of cooperating
Yep.
Yep.
That or even saying can we wait until July just to make sure thing are clearing up.
It is her "No" that is going to get her 30 days! (I hope and pray at least)
I would be
I would be jumping on all of that with both feet. It is not the COVID - that is just her taking advantage of the situation. I don't see a judge having much of a sense of humor about that! Hopefully she looks good in orange.
Exactly - she sent him on 3
Exactly - she sent him on 3/30, when the COVID stuff was in full swing. She's just using it as an excuse. OP, please send us mugshots.
OMG, if she does go to jail
OMG, if she does go to jail you bet I will make my facebook public just to post that and invite everyone here to see it!
As I said before, this is the
As I said before, this is the perfect excuse for an alienating parent to use to alienate the other parent even further. In situations where both parents can be reasonable, I see nothing wrong with them deciding together that they will change or postpones visits until all of this is over. But in your situation, I would absolutely stick to enforcing the order.
Agreed, if they both decide,
Agreed, if they both decide, or if one decides they want they kid to stay with the OTHER parent, then fine. But one parent deciding unilaterally is not okay.
She wasn't afraid to send him
She wasn't afraid to send him in the midst of pandemics when things were really dangerous but says no to sending him after shut down is possibly over. Why wasn't she afraid to send him when it was actually dangerous? How does she explain it?
she put him on a plane in the middle of a dangerous situation in March but wouldn't do it in June?
Why isn't DH addressing it in email? "You were ok sending him in March why wouldn't you do the same in June?"
Oh she was NOT ok doing it
Oh she was NOT ok doing it then either but the judge told her 30 days in jail if she didn't.
She followed directions once, now she thinks she can get off the hook. She believes she is above the law.
I am surprised DH isn't
I am surprised DH isn't bringing it up. I'd ask why June is more dangerous than March
If we get more push back I
If we get more push back I will remind him to bring that up as well.
She followed directions once,
She followed directions once, now she thinks she can get off the hook.
Yep, she's good for another year, now. Haha! What a dope. I hope the judge gets REALLY fed up with her antics.
I wish Twotierehips would use
I wish Twotieredhips would use covid to keep her kids. I'm not so lucky.
UPDATE:
UPDATE:
Now her mom has "cancer" that's why he can't come out.
We are suggesting that he come to live in VA for the summer and next school year to help keep her mom safe if she is that concerned.
Then she can keep him away
Then she can keep him away from her mother entirely now, if that's her concern.
Don't back down just because some people are of the opinion that kids shouldn't visit the other parent until there is a vaccine, or whatever the belief is.
No way in hell are we backing
No way in hell are we backing down.
Good. While I do take this
Good. While I do take this very seriously, I'm not of the opinion that it's necessary for kids to not see their other parent for months and months, unless there is good reason and both sides agree on it. Until I see an expert say otherwise, I'm going with the people who have made this stuff their life's work.
SS can't come because
SS can't come because Granmother has cancer. That makes no sense. Is BM saying that SS is her caregiver?
Cancer. That's a word that covers everything from easily treated stage 1 basal cell skin cancer to a non treatable stage 4 metastatic cancer. Unless the treating doctor is providing the court with an affidavit that SS's presence is necessary for Grandma's treatment, it should be a non issue.
SS can't come because
SS can't come because Granmother has cancer. That makes no sense. Is BM saying that SS is her caregiver?
Right? Is he her oncologist, or what?
Well, sh*t.
Well. sh*t. You never told us that he was Doogie Houser, MD. That changes everything!
I have a feeling that BM is going to regret making that assertion when your atty requests a proffer and she is unable to provide one.
I swear we have the same BM.
I swear we have the same BM. But our courts are better.
Satan pulled the cancer card so many times. We couldn't be that lucky.
This move is directly from the Psycho Playbook.
Judges should have this crap memorized by now.
I really hope that the judge
I really hope that the judge involved in this case keeps his resolve and charges her with contempt and 30 days in the clink when she refuses to send SS. If he bends to the whole COVID is a reason then he is just as much a part of your problem as the BM.
Does her mom live with her?
Does her mom live with her? Cancer, regardless of stage puts you in high risk category, just like diabetes, asthma...this is fact. That said, if she sent him in March, why not June? Did her mom just get diagnosed? Can she 'prove' this? Your BM has been so particularly vile though, I wish the bitch WOULD lol- can't wait to see her a** in orange.
No, she lives almost 45 mins
No, she lives almost 45 mins from her. Just another straw to grasp at!
She already screwed the pooch
She already screwed the pooch by sending him in March. Things will likely be better in June and her excuses will be invalid. Stay the course, buy a refundable ticket for him, and move forward with your plans. Dh needs a makeup call since it didn't happen on Easter.
Good Luck!
I am shocked that there are
I am shocked that there are so many people against travelling in June. The family court in BM's home state has ordered me and DH to be on court on May 19th with SD13. Apparently the family court system isn't too concerned.