I think people just want to give a quick answer and tend to overstate what they really mean.  For example, rather than saying you should do this and this and this and maybe it might work, theysay something along the lines of, "That would be a deal braker for me.  I'd leave."  Some people respond from their phone, for instance, vs. computer too, and that can limit the words, grammar, time, etc.

I think what they really mean when they say something like "leave," is more-so that you need to look out after yourself.  They mean that rather than putting up with that, you need to be more direct with your DH or SK, etc., and just lay it all out for 'em, and if they don't change, then think about it more, go on to see a counselor and maybe, just maybe, down the road it might be serious enough where you have to contemplate leaving.  That is how I've come to look at it, anyway.  BUT, it is much quicker to just save, "I'd leave him" than spend a whole paragraph or two spelling things out.

Me, I'm always going on and on.  I have the opposite problem, so I have no problem spelling things out more-so.  I don't think anyone means to be rude or such.  They just mean as I stated above.  However, sometimes it does come acrros that way.  Personally, I try to avoid telling anyone that, but if it is something nearing an abusive situation, then I'd probably tell them something like see a counselor ASAP and think about moving on.  However, at the end of the day, it is 100% up to the SM.  I'm sure there are some things here I put up with that others wouldn't and vice versa.

My main concern is that my marriage is viewed and treated as a marriage.  Others may have the concern that their SK appears to be sucking all of their and DH's resources.  So our problems certainly all differ and what we are personally able to put up with differs too.  We come here to share all of our SM experiences and issues and problem-solving and (most importantly) provide validaation, but, yes, I admit, sometimes we also tend to be too dang! blunt (mayself included).

^^^THIS^^^ what P said.

Can I add number 6. When bm controls your private home and dh does not say NO. This includes non emergency calls and texting from Bm.

Honestly, that is my advice in certain situations. If you are only DATING someone who has kids and already having issues similar to alot of the crazy stuff being posted her, yes, LEAVE! 

If I can convince anyone to avoid making the same mistakes I did, hell yeah I will. I don't wish this hell upon anybody. 

My advice is: Love YOURSELF. if you love yourself enough and know your worth, trust me, you won't be taking half of the shit most of the DHs on this site put the OPs through.

OP what do you believe the circumtances are inside a marrige that gives the green light to end it?

Terri, thank you for answering my question.

Only the person in the relationship can determine if leaving is the best choice.

I know that I read about a lot of situations that I would never stay in. Relationships do take work, but some of the things I read about, well, they are just too much. I have put up with a lot of crap from the BMs in my DH's life, but if I had to put up with disrespect from him or bad parenting and a bratty kid because of it, or abuse of any kind, well, I just wouldn't and I don't think that anyone else should, either.

Everybody should have the option to leave a bad situation. I have always made sure that I was in a postion of telling the man in my life to get lost, if need be. I am nobody's punching bag, emotionally, physically, or by proxy.

If you don't want to leave, don't. People say that love isn't always enough but if you believe it is, rock on. Only you know if your partner is worth putting up with the other crap that comes with him.

I agree that you shouldn't just LEAVE if you simply have all the usual run-of-the-mill problems that we all have. And by run-of-the-mill problems, I mean the Disney Dad, the money-hungry ex-wife, the skids who aren't likeable, but are fairly inconsequential. But you can look past those issues and stay, if your life is still bearable on the whole, you get an adequate amount of quality time with your SO, and you only have the skids part-time.

However, like ChzyBob20 said, there are some deal-breakers. 

My list is: 

1. You're now lumped with the skids 24/7 which you didn't sign up for, and it's killing you to live with them.

2. The skids are violent, or steal.

3. Your SO takes you for granted and treats you like a piece of furniture, or servant, and you NEVER EVER spend any kind quality time with them whatsoever.

4. Your SO and their ex have an inappropriate relationship.

5. The skids / ex partner cost obscene amounts of money, which your SO enables, and you have to do without as a result.

Any situation that puts my career, licenses and pension in jeopardy, is an INSTANT deal breaker.  ANY call to CPS (even if it is unfounded) will have the same result.  No man is worth me losing the everything I've worked hard for.

A decade or more of their life being wasted and lied to by their spouse and treated like crap. Issues like disney parenting, guilty parenting and mini-wife syndrome doesn’t disappear overnight and some parents refuse to see that disgusting behaviour and continually excuse.

you can continually repeat yourself demanding chnages but it means nothing to them.

having BPD doesn't mean you should stay in a bad situation. Being afraid to leave due to BPD is understandable but not a reason to stay in inappropriate situations. No psychiatrist or therapist would suggest that. I hope you getting mental health help 

I think you misunderstood what's being posted on your blog. There was ONE post suggesting you leave this man. Not "everyone" or even "many"

age migh not be an issue but you described horrible full of drama and misery situation. It doesn't sound like your BF does much to improve it.
 

Your age plays part of the equation becayse at 30 you have freedom to date all kind of men and also find ones whth no kids. Staying with this man and deal with horrible situations you described might not be the best. In addition it's bad for your health and especially mental health. So suggesting you leave might not be far fetched 

it says you were a member on here for 3 days. How do you know what's going on here on a regular basis if you are a new  member with one post 

Initially and for many years I was on team never let a kid or an X end your marriage.  Then... as those who come here over the years have become more tolerant of toxic and enabling behaviors perpetrated by their SOs I have shifted to being team no bullshit and kick them out if their behaviors and treatment of their spouse is indicative of a POS who has no business being tolerated.

This includes an SO who refuses to deal effectively with their prior relationship children and their X(s).  Even if that SO is Mr/Mrs Wonderful soul mate, love of one's life, blah, blah, blah.  We see countless stories about wonderful soul mate spouses who are perfect.... except tor......... (fill in the blank).  

I have lived both a terrible marriage to a toxic POS and incredible marriage to an amazing person of character who is my equity life partner.  Anything less is one of those things you know when you see it.

I have no qualms about recommending a zero-tolerance policy for toxic kids and Xs and defending a marriage with every tactic and resource possible. Nor do I have any qualms about recommending that a decent person purge a POS loser idiot partner from their lives when that idiot tolerates an X, extended family or prior relationship spawn to interfere in their marriage or the life they make with their new spouse.

I am sure that it is obvious to most here that there is not a lot of grey in my world. I am pretty much a black and white kind of guy.  A situation is either tolerable or it isn't. Either way, the status quo is not something that I tend to invest in.  I like improvement so I make an effort to improve situations.  Eliminating a toxic element from one's life if they refuse to improve is improvement in my life.  So, that is what I do.

You’re in or you’re out.  I do not sit on the fence very often when it comes to people who do not step up and perform as an additive influence in a person's life.  When a person has a history of crappy behavior, I deal with them from the perspective of what their history indicates is the likelihood that their behavior will remain crappy.  It takes more than a single instance of effective and tolerable behavior for me to consider them more than what they have historically proven themselves to be.

A person can polish the turd of their historic character all day long but at their core they remain nothing more than a shiny POS.  It takes millions of years of constant heat and pressure to turn carbon into a diamond.   It takes no less of an effort to turn a turd of a person into anything more than a POS.

POS people have no place in anyone's life.  It matters not if that POS is a spouse, a Skid, a BK, etc....

IMHO of course.

Things that are fairly common that should receive advice to leave. Or better yet, gets the idiot put to the curb.

* A spouse who worships their prior relationship children above their spouse and new family.

* A spouse who not only tolerates crap from their own X but facilitates that X to interfere in the lives of their new SO and family.

* A spouse who gaslights a new partrner when that partner points out the baggage of illbehaved SKids, interfering Xs and their own partner not making the relationship and marriage their priority.

*A partner who jeopardizes the financial security of their new marriage and new spouse to benefit their X and prior relationship children.

*A partner who is violent, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, manipulative, allows their extended family to exclude their spouse, etc, etc, etc....

There should be standards that everyone sets for how they will be treated and they should broach no violation of those standards.  We teach others how we will be treated and anyone incapable of learning those lessons should not be tolerated and should be removed either by booting them or by leaving.

IMHO of course.

If your partner was as awesome as you state, he'd make sure his son doesn't make your life he$$