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Depressing countdown

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Tue, 05/08/2018 - 12:37am

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Adult Stepchildren

I'm wondering how it will go: will SS18 graduate next month? Will he really follow through with signing up for comunity college? If yes, will he actually go to class? I hoth hope yes and no- yes so he (duh) GRADUATES, but no because I do not want to live with him anymore. I am burnt out after 5 years nonstop serving in the SM role, and practicing detachment (novice-level) this past year. I hate the anxiety, and the changes the stress has caused my health, marriage, and work. I hate living with a manipulative liar who I cannot trust. I hate waiting for him to come home, to wake up, to leave. 

2Tired4Drama's picture

Submitted by 2Tired4Drama on Tue, 05/08/2018 - 7:22am

which often doesn't launch until well into their mid-twenties.  If ever.  This is the new reality that must become part of the family planning dynamic.  

In my generation, most kids couldn't wait to be independent and leave home.  For many that was right after high school.  They got full time jobs and moved out, went AWAY to school, got apartments with friends, got married (too young!) etc. 

Now it seems that we have added almost a decade to that model.   I see many young adults who are just getting to this stage when they are in their mid-twenties.   Lots of issues have contributed to it, not the least being the economy/employment challenges.  But it is what it is.   Even those who initally launch might wind up coming back or continue to need financial assistance, for years in some cases.  

You must come to grips with the fact that your SS will be in your world for some time to come, in one way or another.   Now he is an "adult" you can ramp up your disengagement and cut off any financial or other support you've been contributing to him. 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Tue, 05/08/2018 - 10:25am

I am grateful for the understanding & words of wisdom. Definitely need compassion & patience for my SS18. He's an intense force of nature, a troubled teen with a PAS-nightmare NPD BM, when just being a teen in today's world is a LOT!

MaryJ's picture

Submitted by MaryJ on Thu, 06/07/2018 - 12:45pm

My FH sees through the ways on his son and will not subject either one of us to his sons behavior.  SS turned 18 in May, did not graduate high school and continues to wreak havoc on my life.

SS is moving out June 15th to live with his older brother and is not welcome back in our home.

I wish I never had to see him again, 10 months of living with this boy and I literally can not find one nice thing to say about him.

I speak my mind and say whatever I feel within reason.  

I refuse to sacrifice my own peace and happiness for a kid who gives no f@cks!

I explained to my partner that I am in no way obligated to his son and refuse to sacrifice my happiness any longer!

The stress and lack of home training from SS is not mine to claim, I want him out and can not wait until June 15th.

In the past I was so passive and worried about hurting SS and FH feelings, sssshhhh SS doesn't care about hurting my feelings or disrespecting me, boom! He's 18yo, someone should have kept it real with him and hurt his feelings a long time ago, because the future is dim for this kid.

I keep it real and refuse to enable or reward bad behavior ever!

For me, had things went differently; as long as SS was in college and/or working a full/part time job, he would have been welcome to stay.

Best of luck to you, but I think you already know the end result.