Psychopath vs parental discord?? Desperate situation need advice
SS13 has always been “Sensitive” “Overdramatic” spoiled and Horribly disrespectful plus Prone to violence outbursts if things don’t go his way. What happened this weekend is the worst he’s been. Somewhat long but please read I need help...
DH, SS13 and I were outside doing yard work. I asked SS not to do something and as always he gave me lip which turned into a Argument. DH only got involved when I asked for some help. I thought it was over till SS elbowed me in the ribs as he walked by me to go in the house. I Immediately said something and SS lied to DH and said he did nothing and walked in the house. DH went in the house and SS was crying and refused to talk about it. DH Frustrated said then you can go back to your mothers and DH walked out the door..this is where things get Creepy scary...
I went back in the house and SS13 was coming out with a large wooden Sword saying he was going to kill DH. SS13 then went on to hit DH multiple times HARD with the sword all over his body. SS at the same time was screaming how DH ruined his life, how DH was trying to brainwash him against his mom, how he loved his mom better etc. When I tried to calm SS down he pointed the sword at me saying I better shut up or I’m next. DH did nothing except try and shield the blows and calm as down. SS Finally stopped and went up to his room. Were he stayed for about two hours. DH has red welts and very sore From the confrontation and emotionally upset. Finally SS came down and said he was sorry to DH but NOT me they hugged and started playing video games laughing, joking like nothing happened. DH is still upset but faking it for SS.
Big time WTF! Is this kid a full blow Psychopath or a troubled teen that’s knows both his parents hate each other and it finally came to a head. Advice????
That is extreme. I wouldn't
That is extreme. I wouldn't want to sleep without my door locked and 100% certain fire alarms couldn't be tampered with.
Actually, hell no. I would not have someone at my house that behaved like that. Nope.
Welcome to the site!
^^^^ This, 100% ^^^^
The man was
The man was actually assaulted by his son and he is pretending that it is not a big deal. He is giving the kid a complete pass and is not only not punishing him but is acting buddy-buddy with him. What a complete and utter fool. He seriously just took the beating and tried to shield himself from the blows of a 13 year old? Damn.....
Once the "seal is broken" and physical violence has occurred there is no going back from it. Action must be taken. Since he chose not to address it, what he has "told" his son is that his behavior is perfectly acceptable and that he is free to do it at will. Expect it to happen again soon and for it to escalate. I would make plans to get the hell out of dodge and to protect myself in the meantime. First thing would be to make that sword disappear and if there are any firearms in the house to make sure that they are locked up where psycho-boy can not possibly get to them.
Never be without your phone on your person and don't hesitate to call the police. Lock the door when you sleep and ensure that smoke detectors are working including a portable one in your bedroom. Keep your purse with your ID, car keys, and wallet in the bedroom with you in case you need to grab it and get out. This kid sounds crazy and your DH - I am really sorry to say - is too much of a wimp to protect anyone.
Scary thing this IS NOT
the first time SS has hit his father or me. DH is VERY upset when this happens to him but the way he acts to SS you would never know. Honestly I can’t stand the brat but own two large dogs that no way in hell would I leave behind so there needs to be some planning before I bail. SS has been diagnosed with a number of mental health disorders and under the care of a Dr and social worker for YEARS but seems to just get worse not better
So, no consequences, right?
So, no consequences, right? Just a good old "talking to"?
Not even that!
DH was so relieved the brat was no longer mad at him there was no taking to. DH just said that’s ok buddy everyone says things they don’t mean and with this virus crap going on it’s causing extra stress. Then DH said he loved the brat and they hugged and went off to play video games
Your DH is failing this kid,
Your DH is failing this kid, but I bet you know that already.
Forget the kid he is failing her!!!!
Forget this kid he is failing her!!!
There is no way that any of this is normal. This kid needs to be packed out and sent to his mother's house and not allowed back until he is seeing and cleared by a physiatrist. This is very serious behavior!!
I would be afraid to have him in my house. Just because someone is your child doesn't mean you have to be physically assaulted. OMG this is horrible!!
Being under DR care
Is not doing any good. Maybe his meds must be increased. By a lot. You are living with a time bomb . Newspapers saying kid killed his parents is in your future. The neighbors are getting there statement ready. He look like a sweet kid. You would never think he would do that
I'd call the police next time
I'd call the police next time it happens
Your original question mental or bad parenting basically...
I don't know your story but I don't think I need to. I can base things on what I see here just in this post. This kid has serious problems that can not be ignored. If they are I am afraid it is going to end badly.
It was one thing when he came after his father, quite different when it was you. That was the moment it became your problem too and one you need to protect yourself against. Personally I would have called the police. But that is me. Sooner than later you need to sit down with your DH and talk to him about the severity of this issue. Tell him his son needs serious professional help!!!!! He also is not welcome back in your house until he does. Even then when he is he needs to have visits of a few hours no overnights. No negotiations on this!! Otherwise if I was you I would leave!!
Please be safe and look out for yourself!!!!
Your DH is beyond pathetic.
Your DH is beyond pathetic. Why would you want to stay married to someone who is so WEAK !! Seriously that level of denial is dangerous. Can't you pack up the dogs and stay with friends and family until you put together a proper exit plan ?
Unfortunately no
Everyone either has a cat, Child with allergies or a dog that hates other dogs. That being said once I leave it will have to be my own place.
Also, when SS went up to his
Also, when SS went up to his room after using the sword, why didn't you call the cops right away?
Is this the first time ss did
Is this the first time ss did this?
She said it's not the first
She said it's not the first time he hit her and his dad. Unbelievable. He isn't 2. He is 13. He can injure or even kill them
I would get out now. There is
I would get out now. There is nothing normal about your SS's behavior. I'm not in a position to say he's a psychopath, but he is deeply troubled; this is not just a kid playing parents who don't agree/get along against each other.
It would be one thing if your husband gave the kid consequences/called the police/sought out additional help. HE DIDN'T - HE DID NOTHING! And that means it'll happen again. This only reinforced SS's belief that violence gets him what he wants. This time you just got elbowed and your husband was beaten. Next time it could be you, and the result could be worse. I have to believe the kid will get more out of control, and he's only getting bigger.
Get yourself out of harm's way. Tell your H you will not live with his kid. Really, it's only a matter of time . . .
Quite honestly I’m in shock
Its only been a day since this happened and I’m listening to DH and SS joke and laugh like NOTHING happened. I can’t even look at the little bastard without wanting to throw him under a moving train. Not only do I Seriously think SS has some major mental Illness but DH does as well. This can’t be just Denial on DH’s part.
Why did I not call the police?? Because I know DH if I did he would end up pissed at me for causing drama. BM would side with “poor Innocent baby” blaming SS mental condition and us for being Monsters. Then god only knows what SS would do to me or say against me. I would love nothing more than to call the police and never see him again. I really need to do some Serious thinking on if I stay or go
Your DH is actively raising
Your DH is actively raising his son to be a violent human being. Not only is he failing his son, he’s failing any and all of his future victims by pretending that any of this is ok. Does he think his kid will outgrow this? That he’ll just stop using violence as a means of dealing with his emotions? Does he think that anyone who ‘loves him’ should/will just accept the beating and move on because ‘that’s just the way he is’?
I sincerely hope you’re preparing your exit, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near this budding criminal OR his pathetic enabling father. When your SS hurts someone, which will happen, I hope the courts find his father equally guilty.
This is horrible and UNACCEPTABLE.
The question is, what are you prepared to do about it? You've married into a highly dysfunctional dynamic between two parents and their violent, mentally ill teenager. You can't change them, but you can change YOU.
You need to either start standing up for yourself and drawing hard boundaries (like requiring more of your H in terms of protecting you and informing him that the next time his son assaults you, police WILL be called), or get the H@ll away from the crazy. Personally, in view of your H's disregard for your safety and wellbeing, I'd choose the latter.
DH being pissed at you is the
DH being pissed at you is the least of your troubles. Are you afraid of your DH? Otherwise who cares if he is pissed. You are in danger every day. That's a scary way to live. DH being pissed wouldn't be my concern. If you are afraid SS will make lies about you, then you should get out. It's too scary to live like this
DH should have taken the
DH should have taken the sword and gone to town with it on that toxic loin lugie's ass. Given that DH is a ball-less wonder who did nothing to protect you from this toxic procreative turd I think you should either leave immediately or call the locksmith and inform DH that he gets the little shit immediately out of your home or you will call the police and have the little shit put in the system for violence with a deadly weapon.
I have no ability to comprehend any kid that would do as your toxic spawn of a Skid has done to his father, no ability to understand why a parent would submit themselves to a beating by this little POS and why you would tolerate either of them in your life.
Write them off and leave them to simmer and fester in the cesspool of their shallow and polluted gene pool together. I would have nothing to do with either of them if I were you.
And... I would call the police on that violent little POS and get a record of his shit officially recorded that will follow him until he is 18 and hopefully will motivate more of his violent crap soon so he can be hauled off to a home for adjudicated toxic POS juveniles where some real bad ass little shits will turn this POS into their daily punching bag.
Some toxic spawn are beyond salvage and not worth the effort to even try. This kid is far more likely than not one of those. He attacks his father with a wooden weapon like it is some kind of video game then daddy rewards him by playing video games with him? WTF!
Please, get the hell out of there and never look back.
Conclusion..
This incident has been the “white Elephant” in the room. Four days have gone by and when DH got out of the shower I could see CLEARLY black and blues on his chest, arm and back from where SS13 beat him with the sword. Four days later! At that point I said something. I told DH he should have told SS if he thinks BM is so wonderful he could go live with her permanently. Know what DH said? He said yes but afraid SS would really flip out and tear up the house. I definitely could see SS throwing a brick through DH classic car window or going on a wild rampage smashing things in the house if DH said something like that to him. I told DH I do NOT plan on being around the little monster and don’t even think of getting extra time during this virus outbreak because he has no school. I really think DH knowns how bad SS is but does not know what to do. I can ONLY hope the little bastard goes after someone else that won’t be so forgiving and he gets locked up in the mental hospital.
He doesn’t know what to do?
He doesn’t know what to do? Therapy. Mental health facilities. Call the police on him. Literally anything other than just pretending it’s not happening. I’m glad you told your DH you won’t be around the criminal, I hope you follow through on that. I’d also put up cameras until you leave, I wouldn’t trust that kid for a second.
So your DH
So your DH has classic Battered Woman Syndrome. From his 13 year old son. Wow. I can only suggest getting him into counseling ASAP and you getting the h@ll out of there before the kid does something irreparable.
Please do yourself a favor
Please do yourself a favor and find a confident man to make a life with.
please read my posts about
please read my posts about similar situations. Im no longer with DH as he wouldnt hold SS12 accountable for his actions and i was continuously disrespected for years in my own home. SS12 would be suspended from school for beating other kids, if he didnt like something i said , he would slash my fridge with a chefs knife , he would key me car, he took an axe and hacked the side out of a tree that had my initials carved in it , he would slash my tea towels with chefs knives, slash my kitchen benches with knives, slashed my microwave, we found he was googling violent porn and school fight videos on a secret instagram account , steals money , lies, manipulates and has absolutely no respect for women , any women including his mother and even grandmother. My DH would have 'talks' with him and that would be it ,, it would get swept under the carpet leaving me feel shit and not only disrespeted by the SS12 brat , but also my DH. Same as you , i think DH knew how bad his brat was , just didnt want to admit it. As i was looking after this kid every weekend when DH was working, when he slashed my fridge and stole my money and DH did nothing about it ,, thats when i lost my shit and told him to leave, take his violent brat and parent his kid, but not with me or in my house. I went through 8 years of dealing with this kid getting worse and worse ,,, i feel he should be diagnosed with a conduct disorder or something like that because his behaviour isnt normal for a 12yr old. Since they both left 6 weeks ago , the kid has been suspended from school again for bashing someone and hes even started to turn on his father by ramming into him (this kid is large and overweight) and would even go to strike him in the back as dad walks by. I went through everything with installing cameras etc but honestly nothing changes it. either the child needs serious therapy and so does his dad on how to deal with that behaviour. Once the child has initiated violence , theres no going back from that ,, it will only get worse. Its easy to say leave the marriage but we all know things arent just that simple , but honestly i would be very carfeul which direction you go from here . goodluck
You did exactly what had to
You did exactly what had to be done. Unfortunately you waited ~7.5 years too long to do it.
Your DH willfully doesn't
Your DH willfully doesn't know what to do. I can think of ten places to start asking some questions to get some help, first and foremost the doctor SS is already seeing. Good Lord, your DH has to get over his embarrassment or whatever it is and make some damn phone calls. His son is in desperate need of help and likely need an inpatient treatment facility to better diagnose and treat whatever is going on.
Your DH is quite literally risking his life, and yours too.
Get that SS OUT
If DH doesnt know what to do, you need to.
1. Document everything and take photos of the bruising.
2. File a report.
3. Get SS out of the house.
4. Get nanny cams.
Um. This is easy
1. Take pictures of your DHs welts. Note the date and how long ago the incident occurred. Do it when he disrobes if you have to if he won't cooperate.
2. Hide all the knives and anything you think could be a weapon.
3. Find a place (even if you have to drive away from the house and lock yourself in your car) to be safe.
4. From your safe place CALL THE POLICE and press charges.
5. Then you leave and do not go back.
Doesn't matter that there's a shelter-in-place order. It's not shelter if your lives are danger in that place.
Every time I read this my
Every time I read this my head just about explodes.
smh
Your DH is disrespectful
Your DH is disrespectful towards you.
How? He has failed to adequately give discipline and consequences for the following incidents:
1. SS giving you back-chat and elbowing you in the garden.
2. SS saying "Shutup or you're next" to you, while beating his father.
3. SS sulking in his room, then coming downstairs, and saying "I'm sorry to you Dad, but I'm not sorry to HER!"
Did it not occur to you, to follow these up with your DH ? Why would you want to stay married to a man, who isn't doing his job as a husband? Husbands are meant to protect their wives. To honour them. Comfort them. Cherish them. It's in the vows.
He is not obeying his wedding vows.
seriously...plan your exit sooner than later (like now)
I agree with others on this post...your SAFETY is first and you don't seem to be safe in your own home. This situation will NOT get better with DH and his head in the sand of denial and SS having untreated mental health issues. DH has his own dysfunctional coping mechanisms.
The deal breaker would have been when DH did not try to physically defend you and he certainly has not had your back on the adult relationship/human/husband emotional level. So you are left with the emotional trainwreck that DH and SS bring to your life and how is this going to change if YOU don't make a change? This is not normal, this is not healthy, this is not safe. Calling the police and having SS admitted to an inpatient psych facility is what would work...even now.
Stay in contact, we are not fussing at you, we are genuinely concerned for your emotional and physical well-being.