Final straw with the F@cking brat and useless husband

Forums:

First you should really read my post about how SS13 went full blown psycho with a wooden sword and BEAT DH with it and threatened me that I’m next if I did not stop trying to calm him down. SS has always been unbelievably rude, disrespectful and a total spoiled brat and I always hoped he would get better or at least locked up in some nut house. Well no such luck and he’s getting worse. DH can’t protect himself from this rotten brat so forget standing up and protecting me.

I finally realized DH will worship this poor excuse of a son till the little bastard kills him or financially ruins him. Well I’m not standing around for this I want out!

Of course with everything going on with the lockdown I can’t make my move now. Anyways I have animals cats/dogs that no way in hell will I leave with those two. So will no be a fast escape.

I’m looking for ANY kind of suggestions on things I can do NOW to prepare for my escape in a few months.

Here is what I’m working with. I have NO family that can help me move or take me or pets in. So I will hopefully be able to buy a house and hire movers. I am financially stable and NO joint bank accounts with DH except a small household account with very little money in it. House unfortunately is only in DH name. Is it worth getting my name on deed now? No not looking to screw DH over JUST make sure I get what I put into the house and furniture that is mine.

Anything else??? Please I have no family to help with with this so anything else you can think of please comment

What I did when I was

What I did when I was preparing to leave exH was to gradually move bits and pieces to a friend's house. Due to the lockdown you won't be able to do this but you can make lists of stuff that are yours and will be taking with you - or if DH is not very observant, move them to the spare room or cupboards or the garage in preparation. Consult with a lawyer on the house deed situation. Well done for making the decision.

I'm glad you've decided to

I'm glad you've decided to pull the pin and save yourself.

You can only do so much while stuck at home. Is your H still going to work each day? If he is, use the time he's away to make copies of all important documents - mortgage and deed info, his financials, joint debt etc. If he's home all day, make to do lists, research divorce attorneys, and surf real estate listings. Under the guise of keeping busy and spring cleaning, start sorting possessions and bagging up what you don't want to take with you. Sell stuff on Craigslist or fb Marketplace. It's amazing how much preparation can be done in stealth mode.

Hopefully, working on an exit strategy will keep you occupied and sustain you until it's safe to make your move. Be strategic, keep calm, and give no sign of your plans. Perhaps some attorneys are able to do video consults? Get good counsel, so you can make good decisions and get everything you're entitled to.

In the meantime, we are here for support. Please take care of you.

Best decision Betty Lou!

So glad you are making plans to get out! Can you go on a walk and call a domestic hotline for advice? Only works if you have a separate cell plan. If you have internet access on your phone, maybe also using the private browsing mode and deleting all history when you are done, look up legal items you should have in place now.

Best of luck to you through all this!

- Put an attorney on retainer

- Put an attorney on retainer. Ask about putting your name on the deed or whatever it is that you need to do. Put in writing now the incident that led you to pull the trigger (SS13 beating DH). Document any other issues and send to your attorney.

- Get a list and pictures of everything you own that you want to take with you. Send it to your attorney now.

- Start an Amazon wish list of items you want for your new place so all you have to do is hit "purchase" when you go to move with the new address.

- Get pre-approved for a mortgage now. Start looking for houses you want to buy. If you find one you want and can afford to swing it for a few months, buy it secretly and pay, even if you don't move right away. This would also give you a storage space in case you need to move anything valuable.

- Keep some cash on hand in case you need to make a quick escape.

- File police reports if SS strikes out again. You'll want that when you go in for the divorce.

I'm sure there are other tips, but have as many things lined up so that when you do move, all you have to do is say the word and it all happens at once.

Great advice, except possibly

Great advice, except possibly for the part about secretly buying a house now. Since you would still be married, you would most likely need your DH to sign some waiver of spousal rights or equivalent for the title company, which could either tip your hand or screw up your closing. Make sure before you do this that your DH would not be required to do or sign anything.

Congratulations on making a good decision. I hope you get out before SS causes any more damage to you or your things.

Good point about buying the

Good point about buying the house. It may be worthwhile to rent for a year so as to not have to fight over that property, too.

No-one can buy or sell houses

No-one can buy or sell houses at the moment. We are in the unenviable position of being stuck in a chain of 6 buyers/sellers, prior to exchanging contracts and it has all ground to a halt due to lockdown. Removal firms aren't operating.

People thinking of buying cannot even view potential houses to buy, they cannot get surveys done on said houses, none of it is possible at the present time. I am in the UK but I don't imagine it is any different anywhere else.

In PA, sales and listings are

In PA, sales and listings are still happening, although virtually as much as possible. Settlements are happening in parking lots. The federal government has stated that real estate is an essential business, so some states are still operating as normal, just with additional precautions.

But 100% agree that buying secretly would pose problems.

That is not true. I run 2

That is not true. I run 2 businesses and one is for a realtor, the other a contractor. Mortgages are still going through and you can still show houses. Many are doing virtual tours but in house tours are still a thing. I have 3 on my crew doing a staging of a house today in fact.

I would not buy or go through even a pre-approval until you have a separation agreement. I would look at rentals, find an apartment and go. I wouldn't worry about name on a deed or anything of the sort. Just walk away.

Is it realllllly worth

Is it realllllly worth getting your name added to the deed?

what will you loose IF you do not.

I’m Truly overwhelmed from the support

it means more to me than you could know. Unfortunately I don’t have any family( parents passed, no kids of my own and only child) support.

Today I left with the dogs and plan on staying out till the Demon Spawn goes back to BMs this evening. Just driving around maybe go for a hike in the woods. I told DH I’ve had it with SS and want nothing to do with him. DH Apologized because his brat so rude to me. Actually feel bad for DH but I need to protect myself and Pets.

Some Wonderful advice from everyone on here so appreciate it. Unfortunately DH is working from home so Copying any documents or paperwork will be near impossible. One thing going for me is DH is so Preoccupied with Demon Spawn and all the problems he causes he will never question what I’m doing as far as selling stuff or packing things up.

Making a list is a great idea as we have a huge house and it’s very easy to forget what I have. I’m going to start packing what I can and put it all in one area in the basement. Grab and go when the time comes.

Honestly I don’t know how DH will react when I tell him. Could be crying begging or anger and Resentment. Not sure so I need to make sure I have all my eggs in the Basket as my grandmother used to say.

Good point about not buying a house without him knowing. I need to find out how that will work as i wanted to buy the house and then tell him since I’ll have a place to go. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends that could put me up with my pets and I would be VERY afraid to leave them there after I left.

Buying a home while still

Buying a home while still legally married could backfire on you. Depending on your state laws he could be entitled to half. Be safe and do a short term stay/rental, or a month to month. Marriage is a legal contract with the state that you live in and there are all sorts of issues that come into play when finances are comingled.

How long have you been

How long have you been married? How long has he had the house?

I don't think you should put your name on anything. Just take what is yours and leave.

If SS start something like hitting you.

Call the police and have him removed. Then DH will have to move out to be with SS What solves your problem

If your goal is to get out

If your goal is to get out and get out fast then continue to keep things separate and do not put your name on the deed. This will only cause a huge legal fight and draw the process out. Putting your name on the deed in the "11th hour" before filing for divorce will be suspect in the eyes of the court and could lean proceedings in DH's favor. You may succeed in taking 1/2 the value of his home but you may also be required to pay his legal fees, which could be substatial if this dragged on. You can ask for compensation for what you put into the house, but again going through the courts to do this may cost you more than you actually contributed to the home.

About moving out; If storage facilities are still open in your area you could always rent a unit and discretely move items over. Also, get a PO Box, start sending your mail and any legal paperwork there.

13 years olds even on their best behavior are hormonal, selfish little monsters. I have one, I know. Your dh has hands full and if there is drama with bio mom that exacerbates things further. It sounds like he needs to hunker down, be dad for the next five years, and raise his son right. Many single parents (especially dads) are scared to parent their kids. This is terrible for everyone but impossible for the new spouse/SO coming into the home. Sounds like the best scenerio for you is to cut your losses and run or Live Apart.

Best of luck to you and your fur babies.

I see your point but I’m not looking for half the house

JUST the money I put into it and my furniture I paid for. My fear is if my name is NOT on the deed when I move out if DH Chooses to be a dick about this could make it difficult for me to get my Belongings mostly the furniture which I paid Thousands for

If you have receipts, you can

If you have receipts, you can include in divorce that you are allowed to take furniture. If he is a descent man he should allow you to take them, but if he is an unfair childman, he will fight you! You should know best what to expect.

depending on the state, the

depending on the state, the furniture could be considered community property. I agree it would be pretty sh*tty for him to keep furniture that she paid for, just like it would be crappy for her to take 1/2 the value of the home he paid for.

Did you pay for the furniture

Did you pay for the furniture with a credit card? Can you dig up digital/paper receipts showing that you paid 100% with your personal finances. If the furniture is that importat and there may be a fight, it would be best to wait until COVID has blown over and move your furniture out and into storage while he's at work.

Just to put things in perspective, it will probably cost at least 5k to retain a lawyer to start divorce proceedings if you wish to fight and get your fair share from this relationship. It's an unfortunate time for this to be happening but keeping things on the down low and having a bit of patience until things blow over will make it easier for you.

Order a POD and a packing

Order a POD and a packing team to come load your stuff and get it out in a hurry. See your attorney to investigate if you can out a lean in the house for what you have in it financially.

COVID is a perfect "excuse"

COVID is a perfect "excuse" to start cleaning out filing cabinets, closets, basements to "keep you busy". Really, you are packing to get the f. out.

Good advice so far!

And there's no reason you cannot take pictures of documents. If you are worried about access, you could use a camera with removable memory and copy the pictures to a personal computer.

You could also get a storage locker and take things to it as you run errands/'donate' things.

Financially I’m in much better shape than DH

This could either work for me or work against me not quite sure yet. As far as working for me yes it could cost 5K to fight him BUT DH would need to pay the same to fight back. Due to Step brat getting EVERYTHING he wants, Bio hag draining DH dry and divorce Attorney bills from BM DH has NO extra money. Actually he’s about $40,000 in debt from attorney bills from BM. This being said it’s highly unlikely DH could even afford our home without me.

How it could work against me is because he has NO extra money he could be Furious or panic thinking how will he pay the bills without me so could try and get $$ whatever he can from me.