That's how it seems to me now that I'm not engaging with DH when he tries to bait me into a fight or that I feel/think something with malicious intent. He's written two letters now, the one to my therapist that he did not deliver and the one that summarized his talk with his therapist (DH said the therapist said he should tell me how he feels). It seems to me like if he cannot interactively pass off his feelings to me, that he's doing so literally (like literally literally--hard copy literature).

He said we would have been better off had we parented our own kids. I agree and told him that.

He said that I did not allow him to parent his kids. Point of order: I continually suggested that we parent our own children. He fought me and wanted us to parent together. We agreed on things, or so I thought, but he did not follow through with what he said he was going to do parenting-wise. The points at which he suggested we parent separately are when I got frustrated with the non-existent co-parenting/double-standard, said something, and his response was to get mad and state to leave him alone, that he would take of his own kids. I'd back off, he'd be unhappy he'd have to be the bad guy, he'd convince me to step in again, rinse, repeat. I learned. I did stop. I only engaged in any sort of boundary-setting/parent-like activity when it affected me directly. I don't think he recognizes that.

I addressed a few things with him but said I wanted to think on more of them. Both letters are about things in the past. Things he's hanging onto. (But I'm the one who isn't supposed to bring up the past or patterns, to forgive and forget.) He even said I should forgive him. I said I already have forgiven him, but that doesn't mean I forget, ignore, or condone what he as done.

At the end of the discussion I said that I was thinking lately about a comment he made while we were traveling a few months ago: that he liked that I'm a happy person. I said I've thought about that a lot lately, and thought about how I've been across my life. And I agree, I am a generally happy and content person. And that recently I was thinking about it I happened to glance at our wedding pics and remembered the photographer continually telling DH to relax, that he was so tense. (DH quietly made a comment that he can't even relax for a massage.) I said that he seems to be a generally unhappy person.

It's been one therapy session, we shall see if additional ones so the same direction as this one.