BD and I were NEVER a good match. Oil and water... we made it 3 year together and when I look back now I am baffled by how niave and desparate I was. I always gave into him and his wants needs... ect. My son si what got me out... I woke up one day and relaized I the person I was, was NOT a person I would ever want my son to become. So, I got my shit together and left. It really was the best thing I have ever done. hardest thing but I am thankful my eyes were opened. He has bordlerine personality disorder, and is a high functioning narssist, addict. 

I saw all the red flags on day 1... and even verbilzed them to family. he was suppose to be a FWB ( don;t judge me) I was young... and just barley standing on my own two feet. ( iwas better off that way). Either way... after months and mnths of persstanc, he wore me down and I started to date him... still seeing all the reg flags, the lies, late nights, partying, drinking, smoke (pot and cigs). I saw the people coming in and out of his life, I didn;t like them or trust them.... the arrests and warrants... and yet I stayed (oye vey was i weak and just staight up stupid.)  I new he was he type of man who "got around", i knew his history we went to the same small high school. But here I was blinded my the NEED to be loved, scared to be alone.... and scared to hurt his feelings.

I remeber saying to my father... Dad he seems deparate... I am not his "Type" of women.... BY this i meant i am conservative, hard working, book worm, college grad... not a partier, meek and shy and loves solidtude and early nights, I am a very tall women not fat but big boned... I am not a sixe 2 but a size 12.... He likes granous gestures, to be the center of attention (at all times) he like permiscious women.. small thin women, clevage... dancing on tables outgoing.... I just was THE COMPLETE opposite of his type. and my fathers response was your the type of women men marry... and hes getting to a point in this life were he is wanting to settle....  ( oye vey I love my Father but man I wish he had been smarter.....)

Then I let him talk me into moving 1500 iles from my family... for a new start... (dont get me wrong we had some aming times it wasn;t awalys bad) lived there for 2 years, had our son... and I used our son as an exucse to move back home to be with family. I knew I needed an out and i knew there was no way in hell I would ever leave safley. Moved home and made it 6 months ( for legal purposes> left and went back 3 times.... and of the wise words of my step mother.. You will know when you are ready to leave when you are ready to burn his shit.... now mind you you are only getting the bare bones of the story he was eeing 6 other women... and had convinced me I was crazy.... I needed physical proof to leave in my mind at leastalhtough i knew for years he had been cheating. Found out i was wrong after 3 OTHER women had messaged me.... and when I had the photos in my hand I was ready to burn is shit. (I didn't burn his shit, alhtough a huge part of me wishes i had) I dont lash out, i dont yell I never let loose I am a ver compsed person. I knew he wouldn;t let me leave.. so I waited till he went to work. packed up my sons things and whatever else of mine i could it in my car. and I left and went to my Fathers where I kew he wouldn't come. 

he begged, he pleaded.... threatened suicide, by gu, by drving off a cliff multiple times i had to call the police for a welfare check. Then had the new g move in 5 days after I moced out.... still begging me to come back. I didn;t... he went off the deeep end and only had supervized visits for 2 years. Was arrests to assualt, drugs, and domestic violence disputes. I had to file many DV reports so he would stop harrassing me..... EVENTUALLY he settled with a better not good but better gf... who calmed him down some. But I still never trusted her with my child... or him. We have been split for 3 years now... and he has moved over 15 times in those 3 years... has introduces my son to over 20 difrent women.... he does now have everyother weekend unsupervised.... But he doesn;t understand why i wont give him more time with our son. I am asking for him to have a stable life.... live in the same home for more then 6 mtnhs at a time.... screw that for more then 3 months. Keep a job.... not to get arrested.... keep yuor weekends without swtiching.... he wants to be 'friends" and i know that this concept is good for the child the whole co-parenting thing... it's not good for me.... I will never trust him... i really don;t think there will ever be a day that I trust the words that come out of his mouth 100%... and although I have put the past behind me and can be civil and talk with him about our son, I will never fully forgive him for all he did to me. But i can;t be his friend.... I can't be his support everytime life gets tough. I wanted out of his life style.... I wanted to be a better person and I can;t keep letting him drag me into his life. 

I have an amazing S/O now who is more supportive then I could have ever dreamed of. I have the family life i have always been looking for... After giving EVERYTHING up to leave my BD, i started my life over. I built a life for me and my son. It took time, tears hard work... long sleepless nights as a single Mother. a job I hated.... mayn many days of talking my self down, and reminding myself I was going to be okay. I cna;t be his friend. I can be civil but i do not agree with his life choices that havent changed. There are days that he literlly drives me craxy.... but from what i see on this website.... thats pretty typical!