Would you accept an apology from your skid/s who have been estranged for years, after committing some really heinous acts and treating you like garbage? I was reading another recent blog about a long term estanged SD who had suddenly initiated contact to her BD, and the anxiety the SM was experiencing surrounding the fear of what will or could happen should the SD make a come back into their lives. What really jumped out at me was the poster describing her fear of being blamed by her DH for the situation.

I related so much to this as I have a long term estranged skid who ran off with BM after committing some truly disgusting acts, and a serious case of miniwife prior to this. She broke my DH's heart and hurt so many people with her actions, as well as angered us (me in particularly, DH made up stupid excuses for her actions - he is very much a disney dad at heart) with how callous she was and how she had absolutely no care or regard for the trail of destruction she left in her wake. The situation very nearly broke up our marriage. The actions she chose to take still have lingering negative effects to this day. 

Similarly to the other poster, my SD has been contacting my DH (via email only) asking to reconcile, and it is causing me serious anxiety and fear for the future. She seems to have conveniently forgotten what she did to him, (and me and my kids/family), and has not made any attempt to apologise for what she did, or try to remedy her actions. She has shown she has no remorse whatsoever and has not changed in the slightest, and has always shown strong narcissistic/sociopathis traits (which even DH says he knows is true). SD is playing a big game of acting the victim and my DH is falling right into her agenda.

SD clearly expects to re-enter DH's life, as though nothing happened and for everything to be swept under the rug while DH welcomes her with joy and open arms. This is, of course, only directed to DH. SD refuses to acknowledge he has a wife and family. We just don't exist to her. She wants Daddees attention all to herself. I suspect she wants (more) money, and to again put a wedge inbetween DH and I. Plus SD coming back means BM will be back too, they are joined at the hip and have always been in collusion. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree with those two.

The tables are already shifting from the facts of what SD did and how there is no excuse for her behaviour and how she must apologise and make good on what she did, to putting the pressure on me to forgive her and "get over it". I was honest with DH and told him I am not willing or able to "get over" what SD did, especially when she has no remorse and no consequences or restitution for what she took away from us. I set a boundary that SD is not allowed in our home near myself or my kids. So now apparently I am to blame. DH has started making snide comments about how I am an "unforgiving person" and how I am a "grudge holder" and how he is sad, as though it is my fault we are in this sitution. He also seems to absolve himself of any responsibility of creating this toxic person and is deflecting the blame for his failings and the way his daugter treated us onto me. He actually told me I should go and see a therapist to find out why I am such an "angry person who is full of hate". It is such a cop out. The person he should be directing to see a therapist for her anger and hate is SD! Why am I suddenly the problem when I didn't create them, I gave SD so many chances and DH always said I bent over backwards to show her kindness. What I am finding myself feeling now isn't hate, it is resentment for beng put in the middle of other peoples drama and not having my husband having my back!

The other poster stated how she felt physically sick about her situation and not knowing when her SD would return and her life would crumble. I feel for the poster, as I am already getting the blame and it feels horrible and so unjust. I didn't raise a toxic human, DH and BM did. I told DH it is unacceptable to blame me and that I have every right to protect myself and my children from toxic and harmful people who have already stolen so much from us in so many ways. I don't know either when/if my life will crumble because of this.

DH told me tonight that he has told SD she must apologise to me and the kids. Am I wrong in not wanting this? I don't believe it would be a sincere apology, after all she has had years to apologise. It will be a fake apology, forced by DH, to make herself look good to DH and then he will expect me to to allow her back into my and my kids lives. I don't want SD's bad influence around my kids. I just want to keep us protected from her harming us again. SD has made it clear we don't exist to her. DH wants this big happy family but fails to be cognisant of the reality of the situation. I want him to be happy, but not at the expense of our marriage and kids who were devastated when SD dumped them like they were trash. 

For anyone who read this long post, thank you. It feels good getting it out as I have no one else who understands or is in a situation like this. I hope DH can understand where I am coming from and that he has a right to a relationship with his daughter but he didn't do anything to protect me or the kids and we have the right to protect ourselves.