Hello everyone, 

My wife and I got married last year of 2019 and have been together for a total of 5 years. I have 1 boy of my won who is 5 years old and my spouse has 2 boys of her own a 6-year-old and 9 years old, each of her boys has a different dad. I walked into a relationship going from 1 to 3 kids right away and let me tell you it has been a ride. I am extremely in love with my wife and she is my best friend but oftentimes I really feel like she does not understand where I am coming from. I can not see myself without her and would love to spend the rest of my life with her. 

I will be honest here I had no idea what I was walking into. My stepson's dads are extremely difficult to deal with at times. Having to go through legal issues with the 6 years old dad. The 9-year-olds dad doesn't put much effort into seeing him, he often sees his son 1 every 4 - 5 months. My stepsons are very disrespectful to their mother and I, especially the older one (9 year old). 

For a total of 5 years, the nine-year-old constantly disrespects us. His mother hates it when I give her options of what type of discipline she should do. Our 9-year-old has ADHD and other disorders. He takes 4 pills each day to keep up with ADHD, anxiety and other disorders. He has had to go to a behavioral detention center for wanting to kill his 6-year-old brother. He actively gets suspended from school for disrespecting the teachers and students. He has had to go to a behavioral school for 2 years. He calls me names constantly and has hit me before. He tells me that he hates me all the time and I know I shouldn't take it seriously but after a while, it just gets really tiring. He constantly talks back at us, calls us names, really rude to his brothers. He has picked some of my own personal belongings and throw them on the floor. 

There is way more where that came from. I just feel like I have put so much time into my stepson (9-year-old) to build a good bond and in the end, I constantly get disrespected and her mother will often times discipline him but she gives him slack. I feel like we have tried EVERYTHING for him and getting into therapy and nothing seems to work. I am getting tired and have expressed my feelings to my wife and sometimes I feel like she really doesn't understand the other side of things. My boy is very loving and caring towards my wife. I am not just saying this because he's my son but he is the most well respectful kid in our home. I told my wife 1 time how if things would be reversed she would be blowing up as well. 

We argue many times because of what are nine-year does. When I put my foot down she gets angry at me instead of being angry with her son about how rude he was. I just feel so lost right now. I don't want our marriage to end because of this. EVERY single day he is just so aggressive and says and does disrespectful things.

Anyways, never expressed this online and hope to find any suggestions. I am just tired.