Stopping skid coming over
I was wondering...does anyone have any tried and tested methods to make skids not want to come over anymore? I hate having that brat in my home and I just want to scream. She comes over less than she used to, but I wish she wouldn't come here at all, especially overnight. I wish DH would just take her out for the day or something...why should I be subjected to her?!
- Bex_S's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
careful
someone might think you're an eeeevvvvvill stepmother!!
I was going to start going
I was going to start going out for the day with my son and be back for his bedtime, but as he's still only a baby, it's not really feasible. But I am certainly going to do it in the future. I've had enough of playing happy families with her.
Though my goal has never been
Though my goal has never been to "get rid of" my SS. These would be my top 10 things that I partook in, in the past, that SS made clear made him not want to come to our home. All items on the list are also things he does not have to deal with at BM's house:
1. Enforce basic common civilized house rules.
2. Ask that skid pick up after himself, change clothes, and bathe occasionally.
3. Not let skid have unlimited unsupervised internet time.
4. Bedtime on school nights.
5. Not cooking specialized meals becasue skid does not like what the rest of the family is having for dinner.
6. Not buying skid energy drinks on our watch
7. Asking skid what happened at school
8. Having skid do homework before getting on the tv or computer
9. Not let skid terrorize his younger siblings.
10. When in public expect that skid behaves like a human being and not a 12 year old backtalking tornado.
Bonus item that took the least effort on my part:
-My existance
Bathe occasionally, heck bathe daily, when you smell
Are dirty, are sweaty should be basic hygiene... but you know skids love to play this manipulative bs and taunt everyone with massive bo!!
I was pregnant with bubs #2 and barely a month from due date, ss then 18 did his full load of laundry with barely any water or soap, so basically his clothes were hardly washed. Imagine the smell of someone running a marathon, then not washing the clothes he wore running the marathon, letting that body odour and stench ferment for several months with this awful soury i don’t know what.
Being pregnant and your senses more heightened i gagged at the smell. Hubby got home and hadn’t even locked the door, i pointed hubby in direction of ss’s clothes that he hung right next to ours and our baby daughter, hubby screamed for ss to get his arse out of his room and wash his clothes properly.
he knows how to wash his laundry properly but grossing us out is his mission. The look on ss face being embarrassed in front of us. Lucky for me with all the skid issues, 1 thing is hubby will never tolerate filthy body odour and hygiene at home..
Of course your list is what
Of course your list is what we WANT to happen, but most of us cannot enforce these things because our DH thinks it's too hard or to strict....
Had I known what I know now I
Had I known what I know now I would have let a lot of it go and disengaged much sooner.
Im in the opposite boat as
Im in the opposite boat as you. The skids live with us 90% and they don't want to go to their moms. They hate their step dad and he cant stand them which is why BM abandoned the kids was to be with her boyfriend now husband. Last weekend their step dad wouldn't let them watch playoff football so of course now the kids want to stay home....and they did
Their mom took them to YSSs basketball game, took them to lunch and the grocery store to shop for her husband and his kids and went home. If I had less than 4 hours in 2 weeks to see my kids I wouldn't take them grocery shopping. She also brought them home 30 mins early to run home to her husband and his kids and the skids are here for 90% of her 10%(4 days a month) if that makes sense.
Basically their step dad refused to put football on the main tv of the house that has cable. He's a sports nut but hates the skids so much he chooses not to watch football to keep them out of the family room. He doesn't want to look at them stuffing their faces and laying all over the furniture cuz they cant just sit they sprawl all over everything like they own the place so I have to look at them 95ish% of the month now instaed of 90. I have a very nice bedroom with a nice tv so I utilize my space while the skids sprawl all over.
So step dad hates the skids, he makes sure they hate being there and they stay here on the big 4 days a month that bm should take them...CO says more but she doesn't choose to exercise those rights because her DH comea first.
Wow. Just because you can't
Wow. Just because you can't stand the skid doesn't mean you should do things to sabotage the time your H has her. I doubt he started out expecting to be a part-time dad. He deserves time with his daughter, no matter how much you dislike it or her. If you deliberately do things to make SD not want to be there, it could be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
SD is there to see her dad; not you. So do your own thing on skid weekends. Make plans with your friends. Go to a museum. Volunteer.
I agree. I'd expect DH to
I agree. I'd expect DH to divorce me if I tried to make his son hate our home. OP - I'm sure SD was a pain in the rear when you decided to have a child with him, so you have to deal with her - just find something else to do.
I'm hoping you didn't mean it
I'm hoping you didn't mean it this way, but can you read your post out loud to yourself and see how incredibly selfish & insensitive it sounds? I'm hoping it's not real. If it is, even if your SD is the worst behaved kid on the planet, she still deserves and needs to spend time with her dad, and being in his home is the most relaxed, logical place. Try thinking about it from your DH's perspective. My Oldest SS stopped visiting due to PAS around age 12. My DH had years of sleepless nights, vomiting in the middle of the night & severe depression. It was awful. Would you want your DH to suffer from his daughter not wanting to visit? How about when your SD visits, you spend time away from home to give them some alone time and give you a break? Chances are, as she gets older she'll naturally wa t to spend weekends with her friends and stop coming anyway.
It does sound shitty tbh...I
It does sound shitty tbh...I could have phrased it a lot better. It was written in anger.
Dont feel too bad. It's not
Dont feel too bad. It's not too much to ask to have a home to raise your child without a nasty skid around. I thank God everyday I do not have children with this man than I am married to. Skids are here constantly and no child should be subjected to this home.
Your want to not have her
Your want to not have her there doesn't trump your SD's need to spend time with her father. There is no ethical way to force her out of your home.
If I never saw or heard from
If I never saw or heard from any of the 4 skids again, I wouldn't blink an eye. I really dont like them
Selfish or not they could fall off the planet and the world would be a better place.
Having gone through
Having gone through alienation, I would never try to cause my husband to lose his relationship with his kid.
I would have never tried to
I would have never tried to stop bm's kids from spending time with dh. BM and the kids did it all by themselves.
Something noteworthy- when safety is a factor that changes everything. Just saying.
If you don’t want someone
If you don’t want someone else’s kids in your home, you shouldn’t marry men with kids. I didn’t want minor kids in my house (mine is grown) so I would never date men with young kids.
I don’t understand women marrying men with kids and then getting pissed that kids come visit. Really? And you likely knew that kids were poorly behaved, so why did you marry him? Or you didn’t bother to investigate?
I was never trying to find a
I think a lot of you have misunderstood what I meant. I was never trying to find a way for my husband to not see his child. I would never stand in the way of that. But why should my son, who she victimises, and I, who she has no respect for (and has told nasty, CS involvement level lies about to name 1 thing), have to deal with her all day? If he goes out with her for the day, she gets the 1:1 time she wants with her father, and my son and I can relax without having to deal with her. She also doesn't have to spend the day with 2 people she clearly hates. It's a win-win for everyone. We even have a caravan by the seaside he could take her to for a Daddy-daughter weekend if he wanted to.
I've tried for nearly 4 years to build a relationship with her. I've treated her as my own, and for more than 2 years now, she's made it plainly obvious she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and now DH and I's son. She purposely breaks the rules and tries to make me mad. The only reason to come into my house is to see my son and I, but she doesn't want to do that, so why bother? She only wants to see her father. So we return to the above paragraph.
I always knew her not coming here was unrealistic, and I'd never really stop her unless she presented a clear and present danger to my son (which she skirts close to, believe me). I was venting. Isn't this site supposed to be for exactly that?!
This site is for venting, but
This site is for venting, but it's also for advice. If you pose a question, you're going to get an answer.
It's perfectly fine for her to only come over and stay to visit her father. That's what minor children do. If she is presenting a danger to you and yours, then that is different and something that has to be handled directly, not passively.