I think this post requires a bit of background before I get too into the issue. Stepson seems to be torn between the adults in his life, and tells them what he thinks they want to here, even if it's not true.

Background:

Biomom - A couple years ago, biomom was telling the kids that they don't need to listen to me, that I am a bad person. She also told them that I am the reason why mommy and daddy aren't together anymore. Stepson believed this because why would mommy lie?. The truth is that she left them and their dad years before he even met, and she had been in relationships with other men before I was in the picture, and the kids knew this and even met 1 of them.

stepkids also saw how much biomom and dad fought with each other, and I know SS didn't like it at all. what kid would?

My MIL (My husbands step mother) - It is no secret that this woman really doesn't like me. She has done and said stuff to me, even right there in front of the kids. She also told the stepkids that I don't like her, that I am rude to her (to try to get them to believe I am the issue and not her). Again, why wouldn't they believe her, why would an adult lie to them?

Stepkids see how much MIL loses her shit and argues with FIL all the time, how she has went off on me, and even their dad.

Me - I have never talked badly about biomom or MIL in front of them. I tried to be civil with MIL when she was around, until realizing that nothing was ever going to change, which is when I started to just ignore her completely.

I have never been rude or really yelled at Biomom or MIL. There was only one time I raised my voice to MIL because I was tired of her tearing me down, and I can't remember if the stepkids were even around. When me and their dad have disagreements, we rarely if ever fight in front of them. We go in a different room and argue quietly, or outside, or wait until they are outside. They may have overheard some stuff once in a while, but nothing like with Biomom or MIL.

Now we get to the actual issue at hand. MIL and FIL just visited. SS told them things that weren't true (like that we don't eat dinner together when actually he meant that we don't go out to eat at restaurants). But he also told them that he is afraid of me. As an adult, it is hard to believe that he actually has a reason to be afraid of me. But if he actually feels that way, what can I do? I have never been physical with them, I have never yelled at them, the only thing I have done is corrected them when they have been doing something wrong when their dad isn't home/is occupied with something else. If they don't listen a couple times after being told, then I raise my voice slightly.

I don't want to dismiss that he is afraid of me, he may be but not in a "hes afraid I am going to physically hurt him" kind of way. May just be afraid that I am going to yell at him when he does something wrong. However, I think he may be projecting a bit/doesn't want to tell other people what they don't want to hear. It is quite possible that he is actually afraid of MIL but is too afraid to speak up to anyone about it. He sees that even though Daddy knows how they can be, that he still lets MIL see them alone without daddy there.

What can I do? How can I show him that he doesn't need to be afraid around me. And if he really isn't afraid of me, what can be done about him saying things that aren't true/completely true? MIL feeds into it, it doesn't matter if stepson is telling the truth or not, she just uses it as more reason why I am a horrible person, which then turns around to telling the stepkids more evil about me, which continues the cycle.