SS didn't get on the plane
He texted DH at 1 am saying "I not coming. You wasted your money. Have fun with all that time off for nothing"
Yep. That's what my wonderful husband got to see. He is such a horrible little shit over text. When DH was face timing him 4 days ago it was "leaving for the airport at 3 am" "Mom is going to text you things on my Xmas list that she didn't get".
I hope to GOD her lawyer does dump her like he said. I hope the judge fines her ass like crazy. We wont ever see the money but I have a fantastic collections company that we use for work. I think they would take the case for me.
In other news, going on our little getaway now, so I guess jokes on them both for thinking DH and I would sit around here pining for SS all Christmas. Nope buddy, we have plans for breweries, distilleries and wineries and lots and lots of "adult time " with no kids home! Merry Christmas JMTB!
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Well - no surprise, but I
Well - no surprise, but I know how much it hurts.
Put it out of your mind and enjoy your vacation. Time to drop the rope.
"Time off for nothing?" What,
"Time off for nothing?" What, does the kid believe life at Dad's house is nonexistent just because he refuses to show up? Arrogant little ass. Between Dad' other son and your couple of kids (before/after their trip) I'm sure there will be plenty of holiday jolly plus the planned adult fun nights out.
The kid really thinks Dad will sit mopping crying and starring at the wall?
Talking about losing money though, makes me wonder if BM wrote the text
Some of these skids truly believe the world revolves solely
Around them because that is what bio mum has instilled in them.
So live life to the fullest and let this rude little shit know life goes on.
heck my 2 sd’s cut off all contact with their dad for over 5 yrs then had the audacity to guilt hubby for re-marrying and having 2 more kids with me. Oh how dare he!!
it didn’t matter that bio mum had been cheating on hubby in the last 2 year of their marriage and 1 year prior to hubby initiating the separation and divorce or the fact she married the ex high school sweetheart the week divorce was finalised all the while claiming how heartbreaking it was hubby divorced her and she didn’t know why.
It hurt hubby most to know she was likely sleeping around with her ex high school sweetheart and didn’t know till after the divorce proceedings were underway but it wouldn’t matter anyways since they hadn’t been sexually active for over a year at that point so any pregnancy wouldn’t have been his
Enjoy the getaway
And post the hell out of it on Facebook. OK that's the fantasy thought. Don't sink to his level. I am very sorry for your DH.
Thanks Ladies, it does hurt.
Thanks Ladies, it does hurt. My husband is trying so hard to not show it.
He did text BM this morning with a screenshot of the text from SS "I take it this means you did not take our son to the airport per the court order. I guess I will be seeing you back in court for contempt again and an emergency hearing for change of custody due to your 'lack of parental control '. "
Hey attorney warned her that this is what we were going to do because ours TOLD him. Hers told her he was going to quit her case. I mean seriously, at what point do you actually pay attention?? Talk about a God complex. She thinks she is untouchable.
She thinks she is untouchable
She thinks she is untouchable, because she HAS been thus far.
It will take something actually happening negative to her for her to listen. (Kind of like when all the wishy washy parents "talk to their kids" and feel that is enough discipline.)
While I understand why your
While I understand why your DH would want the satisfaction of taking her back to court and having the judge switch custody, I think it's a situation where you should be careful what you wish for. My DH initially forced my oldest SS to come for EOW visitation when he didn't want to, starting around age 12 or 13. He'd spend the entire weekend in his room, would not speak unless spoken to and had a look on his face the entire time like he was in pain. He made the entire family miserable. Finally, my DH gave in. My oldest SS is now 25, and he visits with his wife and 2 DDs. He and DH have a cordial but not close relationship. SS25 is and always has been enmeshed with BM, who PAS'd him severely. I believe SS25's DW is the one who convinced him to have a relationship with his dad, since her influence on him apparently is stronger than BM's, a sight I thought I'd never see. If not for her, we'd still have no communication with him. It's NOT a great relationship by any means, as you can see by my past blogs, and appears to be based on what we give them. However, they do have contact and a superficial relationship, which my DH would rather have over none at all.
Yeah, that doesn't sound like
Yeah, that doesn't sound like SS texting. Could be, but saying "enjoy all your time off for nothing" is a very passive-aggressive adult thing to say.
But I would enjoy your time off, by both enjoying your trip and nailing BM's arse with contempt, repayment for the plane ticket, and (hopefully) losing her attorney.
We were always pretty sure
We were always pretty sure that BM was telling SS what to say in those situations. He'd say things that sounded like her, but seemed to be written by him.
And you can't tell your
And you can't tell your parent "NO, I won't say that!" Especially if you are MILES AND MILES away from your other parent and don't have a way to escape. You do what you have to do to keep life peaceful, and if Mommy Dearest has made life a 24/7 party to keep you in control, you won't rock that boat.
Like you said, it's like being in a cult. Or like the relationship between a dealer and a user. You're not going to piss off your dealer so that they cut off the supply. You'll do whatever in order to keep getting your drug (or, in the case of a PAS'd kid, privilege) of choice.
I agree
Most teen boys are not that sophisticated with their mind games to be that two faced and vindictive. Sounds like a HCBM message. I wonder what she told her son...dad doesn't want you to come?
Teen boys tend to react in
Teen boys tend to react in anger. SS would have been more likely to call his Dad every name in the book over the phone, or shown up angry and ready to fight it out. This is BM wanting to cut her ex to the core - remind him who actually has the power. I just hope to God that the judge destroys her.
Exactly. SS once texted to DH
Exactly. SS once texted to DH that he was "harsh, cruel and undeserving." I mean, really? DH said, "I wonder what my 15-year-old son thinks I'm undeserving of?"
What a lovely child with an
What a lovely child with an inflatabled sense of self worth that takes joy in hurting others. I really feel for his future girlfriends/wives. He sounds like a real pleasure to be around.
***** UPDATE *****
***** UPDATE *****
I called the airline JUST to make sure he didn't get on the plane. Turns out there was a schedule change and since he didn't get in the plane, they were able to give us a full refund!!
Of course we wont be disclosing that part to anyone but HELL YEAH! We are good people and karma is real. We aren't out a dime for the ticket and we decided to wait to buy any presents until he got on the plane, so at least financially we are 100% unscathed this go around!
Nice! Well, that's good
Nice! Well, that's good anyway.
There is going along to make
There is going along to make the hateful parent happy...and then there is this. This is definitely a special case of alienation. This punk seems to get as much pleasure out of hurting his dad as his mom does. And that's not normal, even among alienated kids.
I wouldn't even want custody to be flipped at this point. That kid is, what? Almost 16? He's going to need lifelong therapy and at least a decade of reprogramming. In the meantime? He's going to be a complete wreck and he would destroy the peace in your home. I would not be on board if DH wanted to keep pursuing this cluster-eff.
I disagree. Alienated kids
I disagree. Alienated kids are the mouthpiece for the alienating parent. They very much appear to enjoy hurting the alienated parent. That's typical.
And the last time DH saw him, he gave him a hug. He's just a brainwashed, trapped, alienated kid.
I have experience with
I have experience with alienation. A few generations of it, thanks.
I also watched from the outside as my skids slowly succumbed to it.
Do you agree that there are degrees of alienation? From mild to severe? Would you rate this situation severe? I don't think the lengths this bm has gone to destroy the father-child relationship are typical, even among alienanators. So not surprisingly, the kid's reaction is far more extreme than we usually see in alienated kids.
ETA: some kids pretend to drink the Koolaid as a survival mechanism. Others down the entire pitcher and ask for more. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this kid is the latter.
I have experience with it,
I have experience with it, too, thanks, personally and professionally - and yes, there are degrees. Any kid who refuses all contact is severely alienated, most situations don't go that far. This kid is severely alienated. My SS was too.
The minute this kid had a chance to be alone with his father he hugged him and told him he loved him. So I don't think he's atypical, he's doing just what my SS did - say whatever his mother wants. My SS feels one way when with his mother and another when with his father.
I will agree that this SS as well as mine will need lots of therapy. But I believe if he came over right now, without BM, he'd be his old self. He's just parroting what BM is telling him to say.
It's great that your SS came
It's great that your SS came around! Some don't. Some remain estranged from the other parent forever...even if custody was flipped (too late).
If I were the OP, I'd much rather wait and see if her SS comes around after he's 18 like yours (and mine) did, than support her dh in more court battles.
Well, that we agree on. IMO,
Well, that we agree on. IMO, they need to drop the rope, NOW, not after DH has a chance to talk to the kid, because that won't happen.
I basically had to get to the end of my rope, though, before DH was ready to quit fighting. And his lawyer even recommended it. More fighting in court just makes the alienation worse.
Really? Any child who refuses all contact is severely alienated
So if a child is physically abused, and refuses to see the abuser that is the result of alienation? What about emotional abuse? What about no food?
Even abused kids seek love
Even abused/neglected kids seek love and acceptance from their abusive/neglectful parent. But we aren't talking about those situations, so moving on...
That's different. In this
That's different. In this case there are no such accusations and no evidence of abuse.
Plus, kids who are abused usually want to see their abusive parent. And they feel ambivalence and even love for them.
But you said that ANY child who won't see a parent has
been alienated. A very broad statement. I guess on Stalk, if the kid does not want to see his mom, that is becuase she is a crappy mom, but if the kid does not want to see his dad, that is the result of alienation.
Yes, kids take over for mom.
Reply was suposed to go under togs.
Yes, kids take over for mom. As young as 7, 8 yr olds. The older they are such as teens. The more serious and at times criminal their actions are. Stealing, abusing family pets, abusing other children in home, fire starting. They do what ever it takes to set target parent over the edge.
Disengage
Let DH handle it. Have fun on ypour Mimi vacation , Don't give SS any time in your head. Have fun
i vote
That the BM wrote that text or at least heavily ghostwritten.
it's amazing that these BM think they are punishing us stepmoms by withholding the ferals. They may be punishing bio dad but not a step mom.
I hope you and DH enjoy your
I hope you and DH enjoy your time away together and that you all have a very Merry Christmas.
What an asshole. Seriously,
What an asshole. Seriously, him not showing up isn’t surprising, but that text is just shitty. I hope that you guys really do enjoy your time together and SS and BM enjoy wallowing in their gross enmeshment.
We are pretty sure that texts
We are pretty sure that texts like that from our SS were written by BM and then deleted from SS phone so that he never knew they were sent. SS uses shorthand and certain punctuation. BM writes long paragraphs with other punctuation and no abbreviations. She's not smart enough to pretend to be him. I would guess BM wrote it and SS either doesn't know or let her.
Enjoy all your well earned vacation days drama free!
This was my first thought too
This was my first thought too. SS could have even been asleep at 1am, never woken up in time for his flight only to be told in the morning some lie from BM.
I am so sorry. Make sure your
I am so sorry. Make sure your DH has some quiet time and space to talk. Sometimes I just let DH talk it out himself with no comment at all from me but a nod and a hug.
DH experienced this last holiday when SD didn't show up and with zero exuse. Just a no show. DH had invited her here for xmas eve and day. He got nothing.
I hope you can afford the lawyer, but it's not likely to resolve. Good luck and may BM rot.
What a Rotten
Little brat- stinks to high-heaven if you ask me. What nasty people there are out there!! I think BM had her dirty paws in that whole thing as well.........
It’s all BM. “Time off for
It’s all BM. “Time off for nothing”. Like dad has no other life but sit around SS. Doesn’t he have another kid? A wife? Stepkuds? Friends? Hobbies? Jeez. How arrogant to think he can’t enjoy time off without SS.
Our BM told OSD that “daddy now has a new family and WE are now an after-thought” (because DH couldn’t constantly give SD money because he paid BM hefty alimony). OSD was 30 at the time. BM tired to do so many things to alienate ADULT OSD and she succeeded
These women never stop. But there is karma. It will get back to her
Wow! Just wow. What a
Wow! Just wow. What a little crap. How awful for your DH. I would be jumping for joy since he did not get on the plane. lol. Did the BM respond?
I feel so bad for your DH. No one should ever be talked to like that by their own child.
Curious george reminding of
Curious george reminding of my ex. This is so much hating underside it all. Comes to down talk of lifes she has no understand and do best to say the hurtful most thing. Feels evil.
Just remember.
Your DH marriage that BM and had children with her. Your DH has himself to blame for that. He had to know what type of a person she really was. But they will never own up to that. BM is filling SS head with crap.
You must take her back to court. If she does jail time it on her.
That’s true to a degree. I do
That’s true to a degree. I do agree that if you don’t want to co parenting with an a$$hole you should not have kids with an a$$hole.
But people make mistakes or don’t realize right away or grew up in screwed up families and don’t kiw how good relationships look. My DH was 20 when he married BM and he had no idea what he was doing plus she acted nice in the beginning. He grew up in a bad household and didn’t know any better. It’s not helpful to tell 50 something year olds that they messed up marrying jerks at 20.
"neither of you have any
"neither of you have any empathy and get off on being hurtful." <---------this----------->STEP-HURT-PORN
This post hits so close to
This post hits so close to home and brings back such awful memories, it makes me sick to my stomach. My oldest SS was severely PAS'd, and to some extent, still is. I'm so sorry yours is such a sh*t. The comment about enjoying your time off "for nothing" really does sound like a spoiled, self-centered SK, so I don't doubt he wrote it I hope you and your DH can still have a salvageable Christmas. I'm so happy to hear about your refund and that you were smart enough not to buy gifts for him! I'd have bet anything he wasn't coming--it was just a matter of the specifics of how it was going to play out. I wish I could offer some words of encouragement. In my situation, my oldest SS did finally start a relationship with DH again--the day oldest SS's first child was born when DH saw it on social media and called him. SS was then 19 and now is 25. Unfortunately, it feels like the relationship has been mostly us giving and SS and his wife and now 2 kids, TAKING, without any genuine care or concern for us, and now I don't know how to stop THAT. We just try to navigate each situation as it comes. For now, enjoy your time without him!
Omg. SS needs a kick in the
Omg. SS needs a kick in the ass for Christmas! What a little f*cking brat. How does BM think she can just NOT obey the court order?
Enjoy your little getaway. It sounds way better than spending time with that punk, although I'm sorry because I know the situation still sucks.
If I was you I would be happy
If I was you I would be happy the turd didn't come (of course I wouldn't voice it to dh).
I think trying to gain full custody of him would be a mistake and cause major upheaval in your home.
Just musing ...
but wouldn't it be interesting if the judge decides that enough is enough and throws bm in jail for a while and SS gets sent to you for the duration... ?
A little bit of justice for
A little bit of justice for those NCP dads and SM's who watch their DH get hurt via an evil, vindictive, PAS'ing BM.
If only Winterglow, if only...
I would be interested in the
I would be interested in the numeric number of posts THIS post generated.
Pathogenic parenting is the worse. The depths the mentally unwell parent goes to, to abuse her child and punishment of the x is jaw dropping. We went thru it too, heck we still are. It does not stop at emancipation. That is a horse of a different color and yet a lot of people think it's the same. It is not.
Hard to say whether mom wrote text sent to dad OR mom stood over his shoulder. It is not unheard of for either one scenario. there have been some instances an older sibling, moms adult kid assisted the younger child in writing terrible things to Target dad then applauded the kid for doing it. that type of extended Dynamic falls into the minion category. If the child is not separated completely from that dynamic as long as there's a living circle of influence bio mom, Mom's adult kids from different marriage, and uncles, aunts,grandparents cousins neighbors church friends. pathogenic parenting will not stop.