Things I've learned since leaving DW
-DW is now closer to her ex (her kids father) than ever. I was told by a friend now they hang out together even more and do holidays together with their kids. I guess he never found out how much trash she and her mother talked about him (he was abusive, a narcissist, a loser who is addicted to porn, booze, and weed, not cut out to be a full time father, etc) when I first got together with her and he also doesn't care how she shut him out of her kids lives and quit inviting him to holidays for several years while we were together then blamed it on me. lol.
-She is now in a long distance relationship with an artist/musician, hippie type of guy who lives over 800 miles away. He is a "love is love" "love is all you need" type of guy who believes in everyone being one happy family and mingling yet the weird thing I was told she hasn't told her ex (baby daddy) that she is in a relationship with this guy or that this guy even exists. Ex is in for a rude awakening.
-I always felt like I could never do enough for her and her kids (I didn't support them enough financially, didn't pay for enough of their expenses, didn't babysit enough etc., wasn't understanding enough, etc) yet this long distance hippie dude is going to be better?
-She apparently was angry that some of her family and friends kept me as a facebook friend and I guess after she unfriended me she told them to unfriend me and they did not do so. I'm not sure why she would tell them to do this since I was always nice to her and her kids and things just didn't work out. Things ended because she had her ex hanging around constantly, her kids were disrespectful towards me and she would get in my face and yell at me and call me names for bringing it up. Enough was enough.
-She has cut me out of her kids lives completely. I knew them for nearly five years since they were very young and she had them calling me their other dad (her idea not mine). I was nothing but nice to her kids. And suddenly she just tells me I'm gone and I don't exist? This was after helping support the for five years.
What does everyone think of this?
She sounds unstable and
She sounds unstable and extremely selfish. Also is it possible she was hooking up with her ex the whole time she was with you? Just a thought. Be glad she is gone. Her not allowing you to see her kids is very selfish and cold but kind of goes along with what type of person she is. Also her asking her friends and family to unfriend you is very immature and controlling.
I think it's time for you to
I think it's time for you to let the past go and move on. Stop ruminating about her and all that happened, let yourself heal, and learn what you can from it so that you can choose better next time.
Yep. You're grieving the loss
Yep. You're grieving the loss of the relationship that could have been, and some days are probably harder than others. And maybe the holiday season makes it worse.
Look for joy and beauty in something every day, even if it's small things.
Maybe in the future you'll fall in love with a woman who treats you with love and respect, and you'll wonder why you endured a bad relationship for so long. Let's hope that's the way it goes for you.
Who cares she's an ex for a
Who cares she's an ex for a reason. Why worry about what she's doing now that you have moved on? Just be thankful you are no longer another sucker in her string of suckers. I'm sure she's got more than just her ex and this hippie dippy dude on the line.
She and her exh sound like a
She and her exh sound like a perfect match - both shites. They can make a pile of shite together.
Sounds more like the hippie is in for a rude awakening when he discovers what a POS she is. Then again, 800 miles? For all she knows, she's one of MANY long-distance "girlfriends" this guy has.
I don't know how you know all of this, but it's really not healthy for you to stay involved with her in any way. Yes, you miss the kids. Sorry, hon. Think about the crappy things she did and be thankful you escaped.
Yep. Her and her ex are the
Yep. They did make a pile of shite together: the bratty entitled skids. Her and her ex are the perfect match. Two enmeshed losers stuck in their dysfunction forever along with their poor parenting. A manipulative lowdown loser abuser of a woman and a loser guy who is her pathetic sucker. Hippie guy is also a sucker and a loser as well. "Love is love"? Sure buddy. Some people prefer not to live in reality and deal with the real emotions of life that make us human. How about all three of them smoke dope together and have a 3way too? You are better than all three of these idiots. What is it like now dating women who are of higher quality and character than her? You know, child free women? Women who are financially stable. Women who don't have baggage. Women who have standards. Women who don't have some losers spawn around creating probems constantly. Focus on that.
"What does everyone think of
"What does everyone think of this?"
You dodged a bullet. Good riddance to the skids, let them fade from exitence. Be glad you did not empregnate her.
"hippie type of guy who lives over 800 miles away. He is a "love is love" "love is all you need" type of guy"
They can all be swingers together then. I mean, how is such a great guy single? Oh wait, he's a f*ck boi. loser.
I think that you dodged a
I think that you dodged a very deadly bullet. Good riddance to her being long gone and out of your life.
You are going through the grieving process and you are early in that process. When I was seeing a therapist during the ending 6 mos of my first marriage and the first several months after my XW moved out the Doc made it clear that the loss of a marriage is no different than the death of a loved one. You have to grieve.
The grieving of a loss takes from 2-4 years and is a cycle that most people repeat various steps. Let yourself grieve.
Do not second guess yourself of let your XW and her shallow and polluted gene pool take up too much space in your head.
Focus on you.
Ayyyyyy, you get a chance to
Ayyyyyy, you get a chance to be normal. Embrace that chance.
Have a screening checklist for the next, and stick to it.
Kids?
Crazy?
Job?
Education?
I don't even know what I would do with myself at this point if I didn't have kids of my own and was single.
Most of my old marine buddies (we aren't old, we're all around 30)
do the tinder thing, the smash and dash. But really, if you have a good job at this point, you get to travel, drink,
smoke, do whatever you want. It's the bright side of an otherwise unbright situation.
I hope she doesn't get too much alimony from you. It's a totally sexist law, considering that
you shouldn't be supporting kids who aren't yours, and in today's world,
men and women both work.
I think what a blessing that
I think what a blessing that this f@ckery of a relationship is over and you are free to live your best life.
Leave all this in the past, and move forward knowing what awesome beginnings & adventures lay ahead without all the dysfunction.
Wishing you well OP!
Next time around have your
Next time around have your checklist ready
-kids?
-crazy?
-anger problem?
-financial problems?
Politely say you're not interested and move on to the next.
Life is too short.
You don't have kids. You don't have financial problems. You can do better.
Anyone can seem desirable, especially when you're 800 miles away. It isn't until you get to know them, and are around them everyday for extended periods of time, that you find out who they really are. Your ex sold herself well but once time had passed you saw the real person and it wasn't pretty. She's a loser and a user. Be glad she's gone. Now is the time to focus on yourself.