Yesterday, my husband and I had meeting with my SS (16) and SD (14) therapists and providers. We left that meeting feeling attacked.  I never really understood the child centric thing until yesterday. 

We explained to the therapist and the provider that she could not come to our home at the conclusion of her stay at the hospital. We explained the reasons: 1. Unsafe sexual behaviors with much older boys and men 2. Violent outbursts 3. Expulsions (3) from group homes and schools 4. Self harming behaviors (cutting, standing on our roof threatening suicide). 5. She put a young girl into a coma during a fight. 

I went into very much detail about her attempting to throw my disabled daughter (age 17) from a window on our second floor. I explained how we found out she was meeting 26 year old men for sex. Explained how when we tried to press criminal charges she would lie to police and protect the men OR on one occasion say she was sexually abused by a member of household. It went on and on. We were open, honest and asked so many questions that I still haven't processed it all. I sh*t you not we were told this is OUR fault. Our fault, because we don't trust her. Our fault because she feels alone (maybe that one is our fault- we are scared to even touch the girl or she may hurt us). We left very discouraged and with very few answers. "Too soon" to make an official diagnosis they say.... We will now be calling her mother to take her. God help her birth mother. I hate the woman, but no one deserves the wrath of this child.  They took group home out of the picture. It is no longer an option. She will receive 2 months (6.5 more weeks of intensive therapy) and then she is supposed to come back here. It cannot happen. Mom has got to step up for once. 

So, then we go meet with SS (16) therapist and doctors. We have some issues with him stealing, lying and doing very poorly in school (he has a 7 in History right now). He is certainly calmer and has a more pleasant demeanor than SD does..... anyway, again we were met with excuses for behaviors and told that we have to stop pressuring him to meet goals. What in the holy hell does that mean?!  We should just sit back and allow him to do nothing? Essentially that is what I hear when they say this. He graduates next year and we have been told that at this point he will receive the same diploma (it's more like a certificate) my daughter will. My daughter is 17 with the mind of a 5 year old for reference. How is that acceptable? This boy is intelligent. So smart it is frightening.  We have been told by the school that he cannot be held back in high school. 

I give up. For 12 years I have tried and tried with these children and I just get nowhere. I'm so incredibly tired of it. My husband says he gives up. I feel like we are prisoners to the hamster wheel of abuse from kids that has become our lives. I very much love the kids, but I'm feeling pretty hopeless and like there is no real help out there. How can they expect us to help these kids if everyone makes excuses for them and tells them this is who they are? What happened to building people up and setting goals and consequences?

Anyway, how do I disengage? I hate to do it so late in the game, but I feel like if I do not do it - I'm going to give up on my marriage. I do not want that. I love my husband. I don't blame him for these problems. I really do just think these children inherited the crazy gene from bio mom.....