An update on the skid wedding - which thankfully is now behind me not in front of me. Sorry it's long...feel free to move onto another blog!

I wrote down all of your gift suggestions and passed them to DH (claiming all ideas as my own). For the sake of harmony, a couple of ideas didn't make the list :) He went with vouchers at an equivalent cost to the 4 of us attending.

The wedding was in a country home,therefore guests could sit anywhere so we sat about 8 rows back .This was too far back for me see anything at all 1) because I'm only 5'3" and I had tall people in front of me and 2) I took my glasses off so everyone's faces were blurred therefore if there were odd looks, I didn't see them. 

DH tends to be oblivious to female manipulation techniques. He doesn't see them, he doesn't anticipate them and rather than admit that they have taken place, he tries to justify them. So, we get to the formal photos which were outside in the grounds. SD wanted a photo of bride/groom with the females of DH's family so the call was for aunts/girl cousins. DD looked so wretched at that (don't forget these people are her aunts and cousins too, and YSD was already in the photos as Chief Bridesmaid) that I took her up and we both stood there for that photo. Then they did the same for the males of DH's family so when the call went up for uncles/male cousins I made sure DS went up for that. SD won't realise we were included until she sees the photos afterwards as we were behind her and she didn't turn round. DH is convinced that she meant for DD/DS  to be included...not sure what part of aunts/uncles/cousins he felt they/I fitted into.

Then she wanted a photo of bride/groom and DH. DH was so pleased to be included he shot forward like a rocket and failed to notice that the groom's parents AND their partners had been included when it was their turn. His justification for that was that we had been included in the larger family photos.

I was quietly seething and clock-watching by now. We had to go back inside for uncomfortable mingling until it was time for the main reception. The only blessing was because it was a large country house, there were lots of small interconnecting rooms so you could keep moving from room to room and not get trapped. BM had also chosen a grey/silver outfit, as had I, (whoops!) but fortunately for me had completely ruined it with a screaming neon pink fascinator and matching shoes - not a good look for a nearly 60 year old. However this meant that even though everything was blurred, I could spot her a mile away thanks to this bloody pink mass bouncing around on top of her head so was able to keep well out of her way! The only time we came into contact with her was when we were waiting to go into the main reception and she randomly tried to introduce DH to her 2 cronies who were there for moral support. She ignored me completely so I forced her speak to me by asking if was having a nice day. Oh my god if looks could kill...she managed to squeeze out a 'Yes' through gritted teeth and that was the end of our interaction.

So back to the manipulation factor: now, where would you sit someone for the main reception who you didn't really want there? As far away as possible with their backs to the top table is where I would sit them. I made this remark to DH before we saw the seating plan and guess what...that's exactly where we ended up! The other 5 parents/step parents were on the top table. However on a positive note, that meant I could almost convince myself that this whole shit show wasn't happening and I was too far away again to see anything. Perfect! BM and the man who ended up walking SD down the aisle did the speech in place of what DH should have done; DH looked very uncomfortable but brushed it off afterwards saying ;"Well if that's what she wanted...". Makes me SO mad.

There ended up being about an hour between the main reception ad evening event so we did more uncomfortable mingling and moving between rooms. SD did not attempt to speak to any of us but DH kept waiting for opportunities to go over and speak. I went over to her and forced a brief polite conversation but other than that there was no communication. I could see that DD was watching SD and eventually DD waited for a gap and went over and gabbled some questions about university advice! It says something when a 16 year old can make that move when a 30 year old won't! SD did not approach any of us at all  which DH justifies by saying SD had a lot of people to speak to; he will not see it as blatant ignoring. 

Once the evening event started and DH's family were back again, it was a little easier to keep occupied. This is an informal event with a disco and people can sit wherever. I could see where BM plus cronies were sitting (thanks again, neon pink fascinator!) and was able to monitor said fascinator's progress back and forth to the bar. I estimated movement was around every 15 minutes (that is a LOT of wine!) and when I saw it stagger and fall into table, I said I'd had enough and wanted to go. That was about 9.30pm and most of DH's family left around the same time so we escaped without a scene.

I'm glad I went for DD /DS's sake. I knew DH wouldn't have their backs because he just doesn't see what's going on.. SD can do no wrong so even  though he admitted he couldn't think of ever having heard of a wedding where a father is invited but does not play the part of a father, he has convinced himself that it's not really that bad if that's what SD wanted. He certainly can't see that speaks volumes about how she feels towards him.