They never go away...
Just an update/vent today. I've not been active on the site for about 3 years. Things have acutally been kind of quiet. SD moved in with her baby daddy and SS actually did graduate from HS and got a job (a serious miracle). Neither one of them will ever achieve much but it seemed like a small bit of progress had been made. Life got quiet, peaceful. I knew logically, from reading this site and getting great advice from my fellow step parents, that adult skids can be just as bad, if not worse than the younger ones, but it was so easy to file that away and enjoy the quiet. I fell into a sense of security. SS and SD both talked to their dad about once a week. They maintained their relationships with him and I didn't have to be involved at all. I didn't see them, talk to them, interact with them...it was bliss. I actually thought "this all might work out and this could be our life". Sigh. You know this post isn't going to turn out that nice, right? And I knew...I knew it wouldn't last...I just really wished it would. SD left baby daddy and all hell has broken loose. Without too much detail, we decided to help SD a little only to have her squander everything we gave, use guilt and insults to try to get more out of us and overall act like an entitled, ungrateful, spoiled brat. DH thankfully put his foot down and now she is giving him the silent treatment. Which is fine with me but I know it's not over. (It's not this simple, it never is, but this is the basic jist.) Honestly she was the "good" one when she was a teenager and now she has turned into...well, her mother. I told DH that BM has raised them thinking that they are entitled to everything he has worked for and he is only good for money and now he is suprised that his daughter is treating him exactly how BM treated him. Thankfully he is not as clueless now and definitely sees what she is doing. But I'm trying to warn him that her next manipulation will be to try to "reconcile" and that will just be another way for her to ask for more money. She doesn't want to work, she doesn't want to do anything. Baby daddy took care of her and now she wants her real daddy to take care of her. It disgusts me. She has blown through thousands of dollars (not all ours) and the one job she was able to get, she blew off. Now it's our fault that she jobless and homeless. Yeah, it's not and I have no sympathy for her. I told DH she isn't even allowed to visit our house until she gets her stuff together. I'm done being nice and accommodating. Now that I see how life can be like, I'm not going to allow those two back in. I told DH I won't stop him from having a relationship with kids, but it has to be somewhere else besides around me or in our home. Thanks for reading. I hope everyone here remembers that you are not alone. I'm sure I'll have more info in a few days/weeks when she realizes that the silent treatment is not working.
The only way to deal with
The only way to deal with this, is to put your foot down and not let the drama into your home, so good for you.
My SD28 is not speaking to DH because we won't allow her to bring her convict husband, who treats her like dirt, over to our house. What was he convicted of, you ask? Burglary. And not just once.
I have no sympathy for my SD, either. She could have had a different life.
Well...
I did leave out there is also a new BF for SD who is also a criminal. Where do they find these? I swear she is like a loser-magnet. Although she is a loser too. He is also not allowed in my house. It's like not just watching one train wreck but a series of them over and over. She has had every opportunity and squandered them all. We are so done.
Where do they find these?
Where do they find these?
Water seeks its own level.
Good job sticking to your boundaries!
My SD met her current husband
My SD met her current husband through her brother. She met her first husband (not a criminal but not exactly a winner, either) through her mother.
She is not socially mature, doesn't work, has no hobbies, so doesn't meet people. Plus, she has no personality
Yes, this. It only gets worse
Yes, this. It only gets worse when they are adults if your DH or you are willing to get caught up in their drama and play their games. If not, things can get very quiet and stay that way - but DH has to have the stomach for not giving in to his kids' every whim.
My cousin's daughter is like
My cousin's daughter is like this. A magnet for criminal loser morons. Then she gets all brooding over how life beats her down. She has HS friends in prison for murder who according to her are "good people who just needed a break", drug addicted breeder moms by the score, a POS DH who can't keep a job after being booted from the Army for failing several drug tests, blows the college tuition money my Aunt and Uncle provide for her on tattoos then cries about how her Nanna cut her off, waaaaaaaaa!
Every time she posts a testament of how people stiff her for tips I cringe. It is all I can do not to lay out a full litany of her stupidity over the years. But... extremely out of character for me... I bite my tongue.
Stupid is unfixable. Sadly she is very intelligent just incapable of identifying that she is the root cause of all of her problems. She complains constantly about the shithole city she lives in but will not leave, complains about her idiot husband but won't boot his ass out, complains about how the police in her town are mean but refuses to recognize that the police only arrest criminals, and cries about not being able to afford food while posting pics of the dozens of pets she has "rescued" that have turned her home into a dog and cat crap infested shithole.
smh
Now that I see how life can
Now that I see how life can be like, I'm not going to allow those two back in.
Yes now that you got a taste of how sweet life is without them in it, why would you want to go back to that chaos....You'd be crazy to sign up for that nonsense. You did right in sticking STRONGLY to your BOUNDARIES. Your H wants to see his kids by all means have fun with himself but they are not allowed in your home. That is your safe haven and to bring that negativity back in would be insane.
Ah, yes, the peace that
Ah, yes, the peace that mostly is when the spawn aren't around. You dare not get too comfortable because you know things will change over and over again. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your husband. Hopefully he'll have the cajones to take a stand and maintain boundaries.