SD thinks she's the woman of the house

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My SD, 15 lives with my husband and I full time along with her sister who is 9. The 9 y/o is a pretty typical kid but she does have some learning disabilities (however is otherwise witty and sweet) and we are working with her and the school to help her catch up to her peers. The 15 y/o is an absolute nightmare, though. She does fairly well in school but it is her behavior at home that is concerning. In a nutshell, she acts like she's the alpha female of the house and has no boundaries when it comes to her dad. The other day she told her dad that she wanted to rub his feet, which doesn't seem like a big deal. But as soon as he agreed to the foot rub, she went and changed from a normal t shirt into a tight v neck tank top and leaned over while giving him the foot rub, telling him over and over "look at your feet!" which were right next to her cleavage. When I told him later that this was a little odd he said he didn't notice, but that his head was back the entire time (it was, he fell asleep).

She also will try to sign school paperwork for her sister without my husband's or my knowledge, and "parent" her sister, telling her that she needs to listen to her and not her father and I. When my husband and I embrace in front of her, she wedges between us and tries to run her fingers through her father's hair, even though he's told her to stop on many occasions, and that if she wants a hug she can have a hug but when he and I are hugging don't try to break it up. she also tries to override any decisions my husband and I make, from what to buy from the store to larger family decisions like choosing jobs, etc. My husband fixes up classic cars as a hobby and recently got a new body for a truck he's working on. SD asked if he was going to replace parts on the old truck with stuff from the new body and I told her that was the plan. She got really upset, saying he can't do that to "her truck" (no one at any point told her it was hers) and that she would talk to her dad and convince him not to change anything, because if she tells him, "he'll listen".

She is taking ASL in school, which is great, and she often asks to practice at home. When it's just her and I, she dresses modestly and holds her hands up by her face to demonstrate the signs. When she asks her father if she can practice for him she wears revealing shirts and holds her hands at breast level. He has repeatedly told her this isn't appropriate yet she still tries, saying she "forgot". But she never "forgets" with me. She also constantly tells her younger sister, who wears sports bras as training bras, that she needs to cover up because it's inappropriate, if even so much as a hint of the sports bra strap is showing.

15 y/o SD also lies, and is manipulative to try and get my husband and I to argue. At first my husband defended her, but now I believe he's catching on more because he's caught her in so many lies and manipulations, however he does relapse sometimes and stick up for her which not only hurts but infuriates me.

I'm concerned that she has a weird and unhealthy idea of what her relationship with her father should be, dispite his efforts to stop her weird behavior. I want her to get counseling but I have not yet been able to convince my husband that she needs it. I have told him it's either that or she moves out when she is done with school. Or I will move out.

Luckily, my husband calls out her inappropriate behavior as soon as he notices it. I think sometimes men are oblivious to their kid's actions.

I have tried to like this girl for five years now, but I can't seem to muster up the will to do so. I don't hate her (yet--but I'm getting close) but I also will not be upset when she's out of the house... that is IF she moves out after graduation. I am not a competitive person but I feel like she's trying to bait me into a competition for her father's affection and trying so hard to do so that now her behavior has become inappropriate in an effort to "win".

I have learned so much about

I have learned so much about girls and their daddee issues on this site.

At least your H sees the behavior and does something about it. I'd google info on Electra Complex and Mini Wife Syndrome, print it out, and read it with your DH. Get on the same page about it and work together to put it in check. Don't make it a big hairy deal, or your H might get defensive. Be matter of fact and express it as concern for SD's development as she matures and gets ready to leave the nest. Because you want good and healthy things for her future, right?

Bottom line is that

Bottom line is that teenage girls have no power over grown men except for tempting them with what biology endowed them with. Our society teaches them in explicit detail how to use those endowments. Unfortunately it does not explicitly say "DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, YOU LITTLE IDIOT." That puts their father, brothers, uncles, and other relatives and honorary relatives in the position of trying to figure out what the living h@ll these girls are doing and what the appropriate steps to take would be. Generally what they want to do is roll up in a little ball and pretend that they did not see anything because the pair of jiggling boobs belongs to the same person who wore pig-tails and innocently hugged them while clutching a ragdoll. Teenage girls are the devil incarnate and everything is horribly confused now that authority is lessened due to disney daddy wanting to just make her happy.

100%

I completely agree. This is almost exactly how I ended up explaining it my husband and it he was finally able to get it. He was like "Holy sh*t. I didn't realize. But WHY? That's my little girl. How sad."

We are working on getting her help.

Is she watching porn.

I've felt that same inappropriateness with my 7 year old step daughter and her dad. He even said he had a nightmare that he was having sex with his own daughter. Come to find out she had been watching porn. She used the microphone on google to say what she wanted to see. We were too stupid to not think of parental control. I didn't know little girls could think like that. I didn't. That's why I asked you if she had ever watched porn. That's also great that you guys have come together to get help for her. I also wanted my husband to get my step daughter counseling.

Its definitely mini wife syndrome

But your husband is failing to set basic boundaries with her. When she says you can’t buy this for grocey shopping, she needs to be told NO!!! When she chucks a hissy fit and tries to play mummy its just a NOOOOOO!!! And walk away

when my sd’s decided to in front of their dad answer me back when i said don’t do that or feed that to my toddlers they said “ok we’ll do it”, all they got from me was a long condescending “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and hubby automatically stepped in when he heard that no and said listen to your stepmum

what is it with these mini wives with no basic life skills thinking they know better than a mother of several kids or a grown ass adult who’s got way more life experience than them??

"Little girl, there is

"Little girl, there is nothing wrapped in your clothing that you have that your father wants. Stop acting like an incestuous little whore and go ply your juvenile genitalia to the little boys or girls at school."

Call her on it every time she pulls this Lolita shit. Public embarrassment works wonders in correcting teen behavior.

Lol i got images of this movie called “the perfect man” where

A woman tells a teenage girl “look at you and your little speedbumps”.

i’m actually curious if sd here was actually massaging her dads foot trying to show imaginary cleavage like as if she was giving him a blo* job... yuck... just yuck

It’s your DH bad parenting that is causing this.

He know what she is trying to do. He does not stop it. Why agree to a foot rub ? In a normal family this may not be a big thing. But with SD it is, But he goes along with it. Until you call him out on it. Not only DH is a bad parent, he must be enjoying it, or else he would stop it ASAP

I disagree

I honestly disagree. He was sitting back in a recliner with his feet up and fell asleep. He has to wear work boots and is on his feet all day and his younger daughter had given him a foot rub the day before this happened so it didn't seem weird at all until the older one made it weird. Also, it wasn't until this point that I even noticed that she was being weird. They haven't lived with us for very long so this is a new situation for all of us.

As soon as I told him how I felt, my husband said he didn't realize because he'd fallen asleep and wasn't really expecting that behavior so he wasn't really paying attention to it. But once we discussed it and I pointed things out as I noticed them, he was like yeah it's pretty odd and we will put a stop to it. He feels uncomfortable around her and it makes him sad, but he's trying and not denying that she's being weird. Any time she so much as tries her crap he puts the kabosh on it.

The fact that mom is an

The fact that mom is an addict and lost custody of them should be enough to get those girls in therapy. Living with a junkie mom put her at much higher risk of being sexually abused. Her behavior screams "get me a therapist STAT."

She and her sister are both in therapy

Thank goodness for that, too. When we first got custody of her and her sister, we placed them in therapy and as far as we know from the investigation into their mother, there was no abuse of that nature but she/they still could have been around things that are causing her to act out and that is why we are now continuing the therapy as of yesterday, they have both been scheduled.

Just realized that came off as confusing...

... What I meant was they were in therapy at the start of the investigation into their mother, we got custody, they stopped going for a short time but now that we see there is a definite need for continuing therapy we are beginning it with them again. At first my husband was under the impression that because they had talked things out with a therapist and us in the beginning, there was no need up for additional therapy but after all of this (and us having discussions, etc) he's now convinced more therapy is necessary. Thank goodness, lol. Men can be really dumb to these kinds of issues, especially him because he grew up in a home where feelings were not ok or discussed.

Your H needs to snap his

Your H needs to snap his daughter off her alpha female horse and let her know that she is not running sh!t in his house. Call her out on her nonsense EACH and every time. This behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You have brought it to your H's attention, now he has to step it up and take action on shutting her disrespectful behavior down.

There's no room in the house for two alpha females and she'd be sh!t out of luck thinking she can.

Sounds sooo frustrating and I

Sounds sooo frustrating and I can relate...it's good your DH is supporting you but he really needs to call her out on it every time. And you need to call him out on it when he doesn't (IMHO)

Now I can't

Say that I have seen my step daughter do any of the inappropriate things that yours has but. I FEEL THIS ON SUCH A LEVEL. She tries to act as her brother's mother she gets pissed when I tell her to back the fuck off our babygirl then goes to complain to dad about it because Im not letting her do anything with her baby sister. No I'm not letting you be her damn mother that's my job. Not yours. It's always been the hubby our stepdon and her ( if I don't count the hubby's many little playthings before he found me) so she had been the only girl in his life but she's just an annoying bitch. I am at that level of hate and that just happened a year ago when they found out we were having a baby.

I totally understand

My SD is an annoying b*tch as well, and as much as I don't want to feel that way, I do. We have gone to great lengths to support her and her sister but she continues to try to be manipulative as all heck. She has lied to us, stolen from me and from her great-grandfather (who would've done anything for them but now distances himself and I don't blame him) and gone to great lengths to get rid of me. I have at this point done more for them than both my husband and their BM.

She has told both my husband and I and multiple therapists, etc that nothing inappropriate has ever happened to her, so I don't understand where that aspect of the behavior is coming from. I chalk it up to what one commenter said above which is that she's either testing her sex appeal, but confused, or since she's tried everything else to get rid of me but nothing is working and so this is her last ditch effort. Either way it's not only frustrating but it's destroying her relationship with her father because the more she acts this way, the further he distances himself from her.

Its

Her lost then. My husband could never do that to his children but he was so fed up with it because she was in and out of the mental hospital three times because she tried to kill herself because according to her " I was treating her brother better than her" and I feel that that was one of her ways of trying to get her dad to side with and get rid of me but it only drove him closer to me because she stressed him out to such an extent that he barely took care of himself now normally that would be okay well not okay but fine I guess? Other than the fact that he is a diabetic and he was so worried about her that he kept forgetting to take his insulin or he didn't pay attention to go much he was taking with the amount of food he was eating. She first did that the week before her dad and I were due to get married. She hated that the focus wasn't on her. Thats the only thing I can think of she did it for attention. She got out and went back because she thought about it again then she went back because she tried to drink bleach the night before our gender reveal party. The attention wasn't on her she she made it on her.

'then she went back because

'then she went back because she tried to drink bleach the night before our gender reveal party.'

Hmmm...I bet she didn't try very hard.

Well

She was staying winter break with her grandmother which I can't fucking stand and she stopped her. Dad had to drive two hours to got get her after just getting off work and with barely no sleep and I had to be at work within those two hours. Her first attempt was taking 76 of my Tylenol which was fun to deal with because the hubby was at work and her little brother was freaking out so we're the dogs and at that time I was about 4 or 5 months pregnant.