Adult SS Disrespect
My SS22 already has two kids with his "wife", 21. Recently, they moved to our Northern state from the South. SS22 has had a patchy at best relationship in the past with DH, and I have had experiences with this kid being inappropriate towards me when he was 15. SS22 decided he wanted a relationship with DH, (I'm assuming he wants to sponge off of his dad and get money and other things from him, as he has tried this in the past).
Recently, SS22 and family were at our house. SS22 was drinking with DH and we were playing yard games and hanging out. I asked DH if he had gotten a video I sent him about a non-political topic. SS22 decided to butt in with incorrect information, and he became EXTREMELY disrespectful towards me to the point that I told him to get he eff out.
Guess whose side DH took?
In my own home, SMH.
Disrespect
I don't mean to be are hard a$$, but you really need to put DH on notice that this will not be accepted by you in your own home. It simply will not fly.
If you have known SS since he was 15, it is assumed you've been with DH for some time, more than 6 years. It's going to be a bit harder to 'refine' DH's priorities, and marriage counseliing might help. Be sure you 'fit' with the counselor, and they specialize in blended families.
Thus is a hill to die on. Don't back down. If you don't straighten this out now it won't get any better. Be prepared to ask DH to leave for a while to think about his priorities.
My exDH did this for 30 years. There were few times that I really needed his back, but he would always 'leave me in the lurch' to defend myself - especially with SD. With each 'episode', I lost more respect until there was no way but divorce.
You are worthy of his support as his wife. Period.
He's a Lucky Man
That would have been a "cake throwing" moment. (backstory....a SM friend of mine, dealing with toxic behaving SKs, finally had enough at her birthday dinner. Threw the darn cake across the table and told THEM to clean it up. Got up and left.)
I strongly support sandye21's comments. This IS a hill to die on.