H isn’t here so why do I have to watch these hellspawn?!?
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H is going oversees for work for the next 7 consecutive weeks. This is the longest trip he's been on in the 3 years we've been together.
In his decree, he's supposed to have them every Thursday and then every other Friday nite through Sunday evening.
His Ex made a career out of making it a point due to his travel during their marriage to quit her job and sit on her ass and not raise their 2 hellspawn properly.
So the H and his ex are expecting ME to watch their disrespectful, rude children who do not even look in my eye or say address me and destroy their rooms...
I think this is absolutely RIDICULOUS! Her parents are retired and stay home. (He has no family in our state.)
WTF should I have to watch these horrible demons... THEY'RE NOT MINE!!!
Here's the thing... you do
Here's the thing... you do NOT have to. Say, "No".
Tell your husband that you
Tell your husband that you are absolutely not watching HIS kids while he is gone.
If he is overseas, he cannot very well exercise his visitation, now can he? You do not have to take over his visitation schedule while he is gone. Do not let your husband and his ex bully you, their kids are not your responsibility. They cannot make you watch them.
Absolutely ludicrous.
No. Not a fair expectation.
No. Not a fair expectation. And on top of that it's a liability. What if something happens to them while hes gone? Probably everyone will blame it on you in some way.
This is a hill to die on. Of
This is a hill to die on. Of course the answer is NO WAY.
At least in my state, CS is the same whether the NCP takes every other weekend plus one night a week or not. Any benefit from you watching the kids accrues to his ex, not to him. Your DH needs to tell his ex that he won't be exercising his visitation for those 7 weeks.
Oh yeah... CS is a mind blowing
$2k a month. For that, you would think she and her live in manny (non-working stay at home boyfriend/ maid/ babysitter) would be fine and take care of them without bothering me.
Shoot, that $2k just helped them buy another puppy, helped to buy his new sports car while his SUV is in the shop... interesting how you can be unemployed and afford all that..
the sad part is... I hate my H the most and I'm so glad he's going to be gone, with the exception of what's being dumped on me.
You're a grown woman. No one
You're a grown woman. No one can force you to watch children THAT ARE NOT YOURS. Please stand up for yourself. These types of posts make me so sad and angry that there are women who allow themselves to be pushed around by their SOs and the BMs! My answer (not that my DH would EVER even think about asking me) would be HELL NO.
Believe me...
I think the person I'm starting to hate the most is me...
So DH and BM are "expecting"
So DH and BM are "expecting" you to watch the children? Well they can expect all they want, does not mean you have to accede to this unreasonable request. Practice saying NO very firmly. It will stand you in good stead.
“No” is s complete response
“No” is s complete response to this topic. BM watches her children until your DH comes home on rotation then he can take his CO’d visitation.
The NCP does not have to take their CO’d visitation but the CP has to surrender the kid if the NCP wants their time. The CP cs for the kid if the NCP refuses visitation. This is the one major advantage the NCP has.
?
Actually that is not true that the CS means the NCP is free to choose to not see their kid... the decree is you're agreeing to $2k per month, plus all this amount of visitation. If anything changes, CP can come back to court and ask for more money...'
Nonetheless, you did not sign
Nonetheless, you did not sign that decree, your husband, the father did. YOU are under absolutely no obligation to look after children that you are not even related to. He needs to sort this out with his ex and keep you the heck out of it.
There is no reason for them to be there if he is absent. Visitation is intended for the kids to be with their father, not to be with their father's wife.
In my state, CS is the same
In my state, CS is the same whether you have no visitation or EOWE. It only goes to a "shared placement" formula when you have 90-something overnights a year. So I guess it depends where you are. There's still no benefit to OP.
If your husband is not
If your husband is not available he can’t excercise his visitation time. I’d read over the verbage used and I think you will see there is nothing that can force him to take him. I’d let him figure it out or he will continue assume you will be watching/babysitting.
The NCP cannot be forced to
The NCP cannot be forced to take their visitation. Period. If they refuse their visitation their CS may be raised but ... not likely if they are taking most of their visitation time.
Keep in mind as well that the
Keep in mind as well that the “Decree” may not be an agreement at all. In most cases it is a court order and not an agreement.
Hense why so many NCPs take exception to getting raped with insane CS orders and not enough time with their kids.
This is what makes denial of visitation the only actual control an NCP May have.
No! Not your responsibility!
I would definitely say NO! Even if it causes a fight. That's a lot of days to be watching kids who are not yours and who are disrespectful towards you!
And IF something does happen to them YOU will be LIABLE for it. Do you really want that? Rather he safe than sorry and just say No it ain't happening!
Gosh I feel frustrated for you!
OMG - NO. You aren't BM's
OMG - NO. You aren't BM's babysitter.
If you hate him, use this 7 weeks to GTFO and get on with life, not watching his kids so BM and her BF can have free weekends.
He is supposed to have them
He is supposed to have them?
Well then send them overseas on his days...
The decree is between Mommy and Daddy and applicable to them only.
Which one are you?
Oh neither?
Well then, leave kids with Mommy.
These two twats can find a way to care for THEIR kids without your involvement because childcare is not your issue.
Not for one day, not for seven weeks.
Why?
BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT YOURS.
(I find it mind blowing how they EXPECT you must step in to take care of their kids - beyond belief and entitlement!!)
Even more concerning is that
Even more concerning is that it seems like the OP is going to go along with it.
That might be why she hates
That might be why she hates him - he bullies her into things and she can't/won't stand up to him. Pure speculation on my part, but I would sure hate that.
She shouldn't.Not unless she
She shouldn't.
Not unless she is a willing doormat, in which case the right to complain does not exist.
The parents have a custody order and it does not involve OP.
She has no duty to do anything concerning the children.
Willingly giving 7 weeks of free child care options to BM?
LOLOLOLOLOL!!
do not assume...
Actually I've been finding reasons to stay late at work and so far the only time I had one of them was to take them to dinner for their birthday...
the sad thing is I dropped her off at home and apparently her mom took every else out to dinner but her... shouldn't you take your own child out for a bday dinner,?!?
I just can't get over the
I just can't get over the number of women who allow their husbands or boyfriends to bully them into taking care of their kids. Maybe I am just a bitch but there is absolutely no way I would take this crap. Nor would I be with somebody who expected me to.
Never, in a million years, would it have ever occurred to my DH that I should take his daughter for the weekend if he couldn't even be here, himself. I am flabbergasted.
SK don’t want to see you.
They don’t come over to see you. You are not there parent. Say No, that up to DH and BM to figure out. Part of that is NOT you babysitting SK
I doubt the decree stated
In the event none of the bio parents can care for their kids, their respective partners or spouse must care for them. The courts can’t enforce this when the parties in question never existed at the time or agreed to being free babysitters
exwife needs to be told to suck it up... you aren’t free babysitter and if she doesn’t want the kids, she can pay for babysitting so she can party
So the H and his ex are
So the H and his ex are expecting ME to watch their disrespectful, rude children who do not even look in my eye or say address me and destroy their rooms...
HELL NO is a complete sentence. Do not do this to yourself and DO NOT allow them to manipulate you to do so. HELLLLL NO!!! They can go and miss you with that BS. They are his kids not YOURS!!! They need to figure it out because you are not it.
Nope...No...Not happening
No way In hell would I watch the spawn of DH wasn’t here. I just had three amazing days of peace and quiet because DH had to go out of town for work and it happened to fall during skid time. No one dared ask me to keep YSS whole DH was gone. And sure as hell wouldn’t keep him for 7 weeks. You need to tell DH and BM and it isn’t YOUR visitation, it’s his and if he isn’t there to partake then it doesn’t happen.
Take a stand now or you will regret it and resent your DH even more.
Nope...No...Not happening
No way In hell would I watch the spawn of DH wasn’t here. I just had three amazing days of peace and quiet because DH had to go out of town for work and it happened to fall during skid time. No one dared ask me to keep YSS whole DH was gone. And sure as hell wouldn’t keep him for 7 weeks. You need to tell DH and BM and it isn’t YOUR visitation, it’s his and if he isn’t there to partake then it doesn’t happen.
Take a stand now or you will regret it and resent your DH even more.
Say 'No' vey firmly. Do not
Say 'No' vey firmly. Do not go and pick them up or make sure you're out at the time they'd be dropped off. Simples.
My boyfriend does the same thing!
My boyfriend also randomly leaves me during his visitation time stuck with his asshole ss! Doesn`t even always let me know in advance :/ I really hate it when he`s here, he NEVER leaves the house, is ALWAYS on the Playstation, which I had to pay half for cause his dad doesn`t have a job!! Always helping himself to things without asking and just generally annoying the hell out of me :(
He is 17 and a half and I thought that if I could only hold on till he`s 18 and hopefully leaves that somehow everything would be ok, but after reading these threads and finding others in the same predicaments I`m really scared about the future.
I don`t have any kids of my own, in truth I have always been scared too since I lost my own mother when I was 7 and never really knew my dad, I don`t have a very big suppport system familywise and therefore scared of ending up raising a child on my own.
Thing is though, that I really love my boyfriend and he has been the first I have wanted a child with. But it scares me seeing how irresponsible he has been with his own son that I now wonder if it`s a good idea at all.
Breaks my heart to have these thoughts and after 4 years of this it`s starting to get to me physically too!
Sooo nice to just get it all out!!
Feels liberating :)
Glad you feel better. Now for
Glad you feel better. Now for a question. What exactly is it about this guy that you love. From the sounds of things there isn't much about him to love. He is a failed father, dumbs his spawn on you, and begs you to subsidize the gifts for his child.
Sounds like a write off to me. Time for a do over on selecting a quality mate who is actually able to be your equity life partner rather than one who needs a sugar mama.