SD Frustrations *Update
Re-cap : DH says SD will be staying X amount of days. SD mother the past four times has gone MIA when it’s time to send SD on her way - DH excuses these actions by saying “she needs a break”. Meanwhile I am a SAHM to our three girls while he is a trucker and can be gone from 21 plus days. SD leaves messes sleeps anywhere she wants to etc. Annoys the crap out of me because I have a routine due to the fact I am a SAHM and obviously need one when my little army of girls -10, 16 months and 4 months- when I’m by myself.
DH came home last night after dropping SD off at around 7- so I was left yet again for bedtime with the littles by myself. We spoke Friday evening where it was understood -although not liked- that I disengage. Last night -be it the truth came out, SD or BM said something IDK now do IGAF- he expressed -long story short- that I have to have a relationship with her out of respect for him. I tried to explain that I don’t. That I disengage for pure peace within. Get to the end of our convo and it’s “if you can’t have a relationship with her then I don’t see how this will last. “
well if those are my only options then I’ll sign papers. I won’t ever make you pick her over the family you have created.
After my response I am now a child who does not have the ability to just grow up.
But guy if that’s my options then I’m going with self peace of mind.
I have sacrificed literally everything for this man. He wanted to move away from home to be closer to his daughter. At that time things were fine and we did. I stopped working. I stand behind him and his career changes. I’ve stood behind him when he’s gotten in trouble with the law - 3 times now maybe for weed possesion. I became a sahm although having an education and prior career. I keep sacrificing for a man who is clearly ungrateful.
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Another man who just wants
Another man who just wants someone else to take care of HIS responsibilities, his kids.
He is more concerned that his ex "gets a break" than he is about YOUR peace of mind and well being? Oh, hell no.
He’s gaslighting you
If he wants his DD he should be home taking care of her. Not dumping her on you. Until he gets a job where he home. His DD shoud stay at BM. He the parent, he is the one to parent his child.
Bio mum needs a break from
Bio mum needs a break from one while you have three? My goodness!
You do not have to have a relationship with her, you only have a relationship if you choose to.
His ultimatum is laughable.
His ultimatum is laughable. Do what I want or we’re done.
Okay.
That’s an opportunity, not a threat. Take it.
Now, if he comes to his senses and acts like a grownup, committed, loving partner, then there must be a loving discussion about what is and is not working and how things can be fixed.
if you can’t have a
if you can’t have a relationship with her then I don’t see how this will last. “
Your not obligated to have a "relationship" with her. She is his responsibility. You have sacrificed enough and for him to expect you to give up your sanity and well being is crazy. Lets see how he likes paying child support for 3 children. He's going to have something else to worry about instead of who is parenting HIS daughter.
Agreed !
When she’s not around he is loving. We only have problems that go on and on when she’s here. Yeah we will discuss finances etc not how we argue about his DD. His whole thing is I’m disengaged. Why should I say hello to a person entering my home? We were taught differently. So the ONE time she says bye I was busy with our 4 month old, cleaning telling the 10 year old to get things ready for school etc I said bye quickly. He’s mad I don’t even talk to her. It reality is I don’t want to. I have been openly honest that I don’t care to ask about her day. The girlfriend of the month. School. Etc. I’m sorry but I don’t. So because I’m honest and I act on my honesty I’m wrong?
With therapy I have learned I don’t need to be involved with ANYONE I don’t see bringing me joy. I’m Marie Kondo-ing a lot of People and things that don’t bring me peace.
We only have problems that go
We only have problems that go on and on when she’s here.
Hon, you are not the only stepparent on this site who say THE SAME THING. The SD is not the problem - her FATHER is.
I'm glad you are able to see that he is wrong and that he is the problem. Period.Dot. {{hugs}}