In all honesty, unless this guy is the second coming of Christ, I'd walk away now before you're too invested in the relationship.  Crazy exes have a lot of ability to make you very miserable.

Neither of you should be bringing anyone into your lives until all of your baggage issues get resolved. You're not available on paper. Like it or not, that complicates things. 

In all the years I've been on the planet, I've seen many men seek out girls in similar situations, as it gives them an excuse to play and not commit.

When you're coming off a relationship that has been less than desirable, love goggles make almost everyone look better than the last.

Proceed with caution, please, his "ex" will make life a living hell for you both. Just browse the website under the "ex" topic to get an idea of what some ladies are going through.

Until you are divorced and until he puts his X in her place and prevents her from interfering in your life I would say move on.  There is zero need to burden yourself with the toxic stew this guy represents with his X and his 20mo old.

It is far easier to find a quality new partner without baggage than one who will drag you down the toilet with him.

Give yourself time to heal, recover from your recent marriage, get back in touch with the person you enjoy being, and learn to live your life for you. When you get there, the right person will be there.  When  you least expect it, expect it.  You are apparently unburdened my children with your STBXH.  You are a truly hot commodity in the relationship world.  Don't give that status up lightly.

If you insist on moving forward with this guy... make him move to a mutual location where the two of you can make a life together far from the toxic X and where when the child visits  you can have some semblance of normalcy as a blended family.   I met my bride of 25+ years 3 years after the divorce from my XW.  We married a year later a week before SS-27 turned 2yo.  We never lived nearer than 1200 miles to SS's BioDad so we had none of the struggles of being geographically near the blended family opposition.  We did have to smack them around upon occasion to get their toxic crap under control but we were never burdened by them knocking on our door or having the frequent opportunity to pollute the SKid with their toxic crap.  Long distance is a far better place for the opposition than nearby.  Our CO gave them 7wks of visitation per year (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).  We could counter their crap fairly readily and minimize their crap infecting our home, family, marriage and the SKid.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

"But I loooove him. It's just his evil ex wife that's that problem and I'm still married."  Hopping from the frying pan into the fire...

The beauty of your situation is that though you have  your own baggage, debt, a pending divorce, etc... your baggage is temporary.  Your BF's baggage is eternal.  You really don't want that. No one does.

A kid does not have to be baggage if the parent is a quality person and parent who raises that kid with clear and strict standards of behavior and performance. A quality parent does not tolerate a child to be a detriment to their own life or the life of their partner.  A quality parent raises that kid to be a viable self supporting adult and not an eternal toxic Klingon.

To the site. Post as much as you need to, and fwiw - there is a ton of great advice on here. So take the good and leave out the bad.

OK, on to my opinion. I met my now DH when he first went out after his separation. He was "in process". We were friends for about 1.5 years before starting a relationship. He was still "separated not divorced". We have been together 5 years, married 1.

I truly love the guy, but all the heartache really made me think if this is what I want for the rest of my life. We are good now, but even in the good times, Toxic Troll BM will always be there in the background, so will SD20 Feral Forger.  WE are no contact with his eldest (her choice) and her personality is just like her mothers. Narcissists.

Your BF's toxic ex will always be there in the background if they have a child together.