Now? I say well why would I like her. At first it was no that's no true. But thats what he was hoping to hear, followed by how I actually love her. So he'd keep doing it. After agreeing with him that nope I dont like her he stopped saying it.

I agreed with him, I told him he was raising a kid that wasn’t very likable.  That ended it very early on.

Ive said things like yep I hate them. Thats why ive done abc & xyz for them and changed their lives for the better. I explain to him it's not the kids but how they treat him & how he reacts to them. I turn everything around on him because raising these kids is on him.

I have it easy.

MIL, SIL, cousins, etc, don't like Kiljoy.  I think if DH was honest he'd admit he doesn't like her either.

https://steptogether.org/help.html

Sometimes I tell him that his kids are unlikeable and it’s the role of the parent to teach your kid how to be a likeable person.

DH used to hope that someday I would love his kids, but I’ve encouraged him to lower his expectations. Toleration, respect, and maybe compassion are the most he should expect.

Having SSs EOWE who are demanding, complain a lot, and cannot be expected to do anything (per BM and DH) means that right now I feel like the hotel manager or cruise director when they are around. No one likes to feel like they have a second, unpaid job that they didn’t ask for, in their own home. DH wanted to be the parent, so he should take on all the “work” of parenting. He has ensured that SSs will always feel like a burden to me, so he can’t expect that I would feel happy to have this extra burden. No one is that selfless...unless they’ve chosen to devote themselves to a life of service and even those people would pick a cause more worthy than entertaining entitled stepchildren.

I would never admit to not liking my skids.....overall I like them as people and they are polite to me. I would tell DH, if he pressed me, that it's the adults (BM, DH, MIL) involved that cause the problems....that cause friction, stress and drama in my home....which unfortunately spills  over on to the kids shoulders....by no real fault of their own.

I’d wonder what he was smoking.

Really is this a common event for your house or has something happened?  I would try to work out the real issue. What happened that is making him say it?

If my partner said it I would be really confused. I’m at work today and I’ve already texted him twice asking him when he was getting my kiddos. I get super excited when we have them and I’ve been working a lot of over time because I’m saving up for a couple big things I want to do with them. Basically he KNOWS I love the children like they are mine.

Maybe you’re partner has seen something you didn’t realize? Maybe one of the kids has said something? Maybe he’s stressed out over work or other family is pestering him about something?

I would say, no, damn right I don't like your kid/s - I'd like to see you like someone who has been vile to you for x number of years. 

I was always honest with my DH and told him he and meth ex were raising a sociopath and there was nothing to like about that.

I say “They don’t like me either” that shuts him up.

This is something that my husband is unlikely to say as a throw away comment. If it was a concern of his then we would have a discussion about it. If it was true then he is a rational person who would accept that I am allowed to have my own feelings and emotions. We would then discuss if we thought that my emotions were noticeable to SD and if it was affecting her and if so, try to find ways of eliminating or minimzing the impact on her (she is still young). If she were an adult and I hated her, then I would probably just avoid her but not feel a need to fake that I liked her. 

SS was in his late 20's when DH and I got married and I still got the "You don't like my kid" speil.  In the beginning I took the bait and tried to justify and defend myself which only gave ss and DH more ammo to throw my way. Later I learned to just give DH a confused look and leave the room. Today I never bring skids up in conversation and if DH does I listen briefly and change the subject.  In short, I don't play the "You hate my kid" game anymore. It's beneath me.  

DH has never said that to me. Most of the time, he doesn't even like his own kid.

I actually like my skids. They are polite, helpful, they have launched and they generally treat us both pretty well.

It's when they do things simply because BM expects them to or they know that they have to please her no matter how it makes DH feel. When they do those things, I tell DH that I don't like their actions but I also understand that they've been trained that way.

My skids are adults and so they are never going to change. I try to hang on to the good stuff and the good behaviour.

his kids aren’t likeable or pleasant to be around. How can anyone like or love them when they aren’t related to them.

thats the truth and he needs to hear it

My answers have been:

I spend more time with him than you do, does that mean you like him less that I do?

I don't like how he behaves, doesn't mean I don't like HIM. I LOVE you, but I hate how you're acting right now.

I'm supposed to like being around someone who hasn't grasped the concept of pooping in the toilet and not the bed?

If I don't like him, why do I put MORE money in his account every payday than you have in the last 4 years?

And so on. It took a while, but the comments stopped. He also told me he resented me for "making him change". Yes, dh, I made you change. You now spend time with ss rather than thinking him watching cartoons while you spend the day relaxing in the garage. SoOOOOooo sorry... if I didn't like the little shit I'd be fine with hanging out with you in the garage while his brains rots on cartoons all day.

I can't stand my boyfriend's daughter.  His son is okay.  His daughter is a hot mess.

She doesn't wipe properly,s pisses herself, and is now capable of becoming knocked up (at the tender age of 9) which probably means that her laundry is going to be a mix of piss, shit, and blood going forward instead of just piss and shit.  She forgets to flush.

She lies through her teeth about all of it.  Deny deny deny.  That just makes it worse because I hate a kid who loves lies.

My finances are garbage because  so much of his income goes to her "support".  There won't be a penny to show for it 10 years from now. No savings account. No college fund. Nothing.  her mom and drinks at all and spends in on living expenses.  For what he pays, those kids should be incredibly well taken care of.  They should have nice clothes, nice shoes, etc.À

I feel tremendously guilty for saying it.  But tell me: what is there to like about this kid?  She's disgusting.

I used to allow myself to be made to feel guilty by statements like that from him.

No longer. His kids are not my kids, and I am under no obligation to love or even like them. 

I was very open when he asked me why I hated her. I told him I don’t hate her. I tolerate her because I love him. I disengage because I love my sanity. 

you want to carry on as though skid is 99% invisible.  If you get asked something,  respond IDK, ask your dad.

if you get ignored, continue as though skid isn't in the room.  Do not participate nor partake in anything skid related.  the only thing i wasnt able to disengage from was laundry.   I am the CEO of laundry.  I would wash dry then have Chef put skid back in to the clothes said skid arrived in. 

I always say I don't dislike her I just don't know her that well and I don't want to take up his time with her. She's here to see him not me. I play dumb about parenting like I'm waiting for his instructions regarding SD because he's the parent.