Dont pay til you're on the deed. Im married and still not on the deed here but I dont pay a dime and that's the way I want it. If we divorve I walk away with my belongings. I own the 2 cars which are worth more than the equity in this house. Sounds like you need to start protecting yourself as he protects himself.

This is supposed to be "our" house.

This wasn't the arrangement going in so why does he get to decide what goes if you both are a unit? How does he make a decision like that without talking to you about it 1st? He just made that choice like you have no say and that darlin' is not the way to communicate or be in a marriage/relationship.

We settle in less than 2 months, and recently he decided that he did not want to put me on the title/deed to the new house until we get married. WTF?!

He's also setting up your relationship to fail which means he has some doubts and has little faith in what you both share. I'd step back and re-evaluate being with this man. If he's taking it upon himself to make decisions without your input...you're in for a rude awakening.

You should also not pay ANYTHING until you're on the deed.

If you're not on the deed, you're not paying a penny towards it, not.a.penny. Be very clear about this.

Time for a really long talk about the future. If he suddenly changed his mind to "protect himself", then where does that leave you inn your relationship?

Your name needs to be on there. Period.

YOU aren't closing in 2 months, HE is, since it won't be in your name.  He's OK with screwing you financially if you split, but he's protecting himself.  Nice guy.  I'd go find my own place to live. 

Easy solution:

Either you're on the deed and pay your portion, or you're not and you pay nothing. Not a dime towards the down payment. Not a dime on any upgrades. Not a dime in rent. If you truly want to live together and he truly wants to protect himself, then he can work up a tenant/landlord agreement with you and you pay him as a tenant (which protects both of you - him from losing money if you break up, and you from being kicked out immediately).

If he won't agree to put you on the deed OR to setting up a legally-binding landlord/tenant agreement with you, then don't move in with him. It puts you at too much risk.

BUT, if you are added on the deed, you need to pay half the down payment and half of the upgrades in the home. If it is truly "ours", then you both pony up so if you split, you both get back what you equally put in.

Anything less than any of this is done at his advantage and at your disadvantage. Don't let loving him trump protecting your own financial interests, especially when you have financial responsibilities outside yourself.

Who is making the downpayment?  What is the difference between the payment on the new house (mortgage, taxes, insurance, maintenance) and rent on the existing house?

Do you WANT to marry this man? If so, tell him you need to be married before you move into the house or pay a penny for it. That solves the problem of him not putting you on the deed until you're married.

He could protect himself with a well drafted tenancy in common agreement.  What do you think has changed to make him decide against putting you on the deed?  Why did you not apply for the mortgage together? Unless your credit is bad, I would think it'd be easier to be approved with 2 incomes than one.  

I am a SAHM, obviously financially I don’t contribute. However prior to being a SAHM I worked my job while maintaining the business we have (yes my name is on the business, along with both cars, and the home we rent). I do however agree with everyone else. SAVE your money, save for you, your children, etc. I say the money you would normally put into the bills, start a college fund for the kids. Don’t pay until your name is on that house deed. 

I can see this from both sides. But your blog was how you feel. For me, I wouldn't want to be on the deed unless I was married. Live with him if you want but don't make a financial commitment for him. Pay what you want and save some money for yourself.

His name on the deed, means he pays.
All of it and everything relating to the mortgage.

He can charge you rent if he wants.
That way you are both "protected".
Make sure you get everything in writing, so you at least have tenant's rights.
 

No he’s screwing you over financially. Don’t buy the home with him.

Oh hell no!  If he does not want your name on the deed then he is the one buying the house with his money alone.  You pay ZERO toward the purchase and maintance.  He can have a rental agreement drawn up and you can be a tenant for an amount that is fair market value for half the cost of renting a comparable place in your area.  Half because he would have to pay his half if you were renting together.  IF, and only IF, after this you still want to move with him.

If he wants your money toward the purchase of the house then your name goes on the deed.  The marriage issue can be fixed with a trip to the courthouse and the party can be held later if that is truly his only problem.  Even contemplating taking your cash but not giving you ownership rights is some coldhearted sh*t.  He is protecting his own financial interest but your is irrelevant?  Wow.  If this is a dealbreaker on the relationship then you are better off knowing it now before you make a major investment that you most likely will have no way of getting back.  It is not like you will have any way of forcing him to sell and reimburse you since you will have no rights in the house!  Unreal.....

my income did count for some reason. Maybe becuase he can fall back on me if something happens?

Unless you are on the loan, he cannot legally "fall back" on you. If you ARE on the loan, you better damn well be on the deed.

Sounds like maybe you two are not ready to buy a house "together".

They had a guy who lived with them, which allowed them to borrow more money to buy because he was a renter and that was income.  My guess is that is what the lender did to push through your SO's mortgage.  Your financials were used to prove that you were financially able to rent from him.

If I were you, OP, I would run in the other direction of this guy. 

I understand your point, but I also understand his.  If I heard this story from your BF, I would tell him to stick to his guns.  

There are several SM here that do not have their SOs/husbands on the deeds of their homes.  The advice here has always been to keep in that way in order to protect themselves and their children.   

In my opinion, that line of thinking should hold true in this situation as well.  I think the only difference is that dad should be requiresd to put in writing how their joint child will be included financially if the home is ever sold.

He CANNOT pay this house alone without my help, he even admits that. 

If he can't afford the house on his own, yet doesn't want to put you on the deed or loan (but expects you to pay half of the mortgage, upkeep, and improvements), then he is not ready to buy a house, or not this house. Because if he wants it to be HIS house, he needs to be able to afford it.

If something were to happen to the two of you, how would he afford HIS mortgage payments after you move out?

When I bought my house (DH and I had been together 5 years, at that point), I bought what I, and I alone, could afford. DH was not on the deed, nor the loan. He paid me a certain amount for "rent" and utilities, but I paid for improvements, real estate taxes, homeowner's insurance, blah, blah, blah. Eighteen years after buying it, and 23 years together, things are different, now, but....

Had we split up, my house was my house and I could have afforded it without him. Otherwise, he would have had a right to be on the deed and have equity in the house (of course, on the loan, too).

I also bought within my means because if something happened to one of our jobs, I wanted to make sure we could afford payments on one salary.

Everybody is different, everybody's set up is different, but there is something about this that is not sitting right with you and that's what matters. You have to work something out that you are okay with, whatever that is. It doesn't matter if others agree with you or not, as long as it works for YOU.

I wonder why it was just recently that he decided he doesn't want you on the deed? Maybe you need to talk about that, maybe somebody is in his ear, telling him he will get screwed.

There is nothing wrong with him protecting himself but you have every right to protect yourself, as well. Paying for improvements and renovations, without having equity in the home, is not in your best interest.

In your relationship, if you really have one.  No way would I invest a cent in this deal without your name on the deed. That’s including paying for his kids,  the money switch.  

You really must care full look into a relationship with this man, He showing his true colors,  Remember this is the best time in the relationship, and he’s screwing you.  Think about the future, when times will not be this good.  He can put you out on the street with no money or recourse in that home.

If you are not going to own the property with him then write up a rental contract and get him to sign it. Make sure it is legal where you live so that you have rights as a tenant. I might also contact the bank to let them know that you are no longer going to be party to this transaction and ask them to remove your information from their calculations. Discussing the situation with a lawyer may help you to work out how to cut your legal and financial responsibilities from this property. If you dont own it you should not be liable for anything beyond what is stated in a rental contract. 

I had a boyfriend buy a property once when we were dating and I moved into it with him. It was never intended that it would be ours and he used his own money to purchase it. The laywers made me sign a document though to formally declaire that I had no claim to the property to protect his rights. I was happy to do so at the time. Admittedly I did not sign a rental contract with my boyfriend but I did agree to contribute some money towards expenses. It was lower than local rents if I had been renting a room to myself but helped out with the bills and mortgage a bit as I was living there and wanted to contribute. He could afford it all on his own salary though, which was handy because we broke up a few months later! It was nice to not have complicated legal stuff to deal with and I just needed to find a place to live.

My husband and I have bought property together based soley on his salary and credit score but I have always been named as a joint owner on the deed despite not being a direct party to the mortgages. This was especially important to me as if he died as the sole owner, his daughter would have been entitled to half the property and I would have inherited the other half. But as I am a joint owner if he dies I would still own the whole property and his daughter is not entitled to inherit it. (She would get a large pay out from a life insurance policy though as he does want to provide for her). 

I don't understand how you're good enough to carry his child and help him raise it, along with the other kids in the household, but he can't provide for you AND HIS CHILD financially for the future? I would have a big problem with that. In case you "don't work out." Hmmm...has something happened relationally in between house hunting and getting approved for the loan?

First, I would contact the bank, and withdraw any information of mine that may've been used or contributed toward the loan, ANY OF IT.

Next, I would notifiy him that I would not be living in his house as a boarder, renting a room from him. I would serve him notice that I was moving out and getting my own place, since I could afford it.

I would then tell him, "I'm not sure how you're going to pay the mortgage and your bills without me, but that isn't my problem. I will be contacting an attorney regarding the child support you will owe me monthly."

That will crash the house buying party. He will either have to come to terms with why he is the only one on the loan and deed, or agree and move forward.

"Family" enough to pay for HIS kids and to pay for half of the home... but not family enough to be on the deed? 

You need to leave this "man".

Let him take on a huge mortgage without your name on any of it nor on the deed and leave him as soon as he closes on the house. Don’t out a dime towards the closing. See how he likes that.