He sounds like a greedy user/loser. WTF should his kids get any of YOUR money or your assets?

Surely you can find a better man than that this selfish loser. In the meantime treat him like a tenant. You own the property. He pays a fair market rent for his share of the house he lives in.

Tell you absolutely REFUSE to subsidize his spawn or BM.

dup

dup

Ugh, what a sh-tty situation. Your SO is being very unreasonable. And very entitled! If I were you, I'd draw up a lease agreement for him and treat him like a tenant. Why on earth should he or his kids benefit from a house YOU PAID FOR and sunk all that money into? He's insane! I wouldn't take any money for closing costs, that way there is no mistake in him thinking he "helped you buy it" when he most certainly did not. Closing costs are chump change compared to a down payment and everything else, and I'd rather pay that stuff myself than let him think it entitles him to ownership. You're not married so you are not obligated to split any of it with him. Please stick to your guns on this. Thirty grand is a LOT of money, not an amount I'd be willing to give away.

As far as him giving more money to BM, well, that's just idiotic. That gravy train will never stop. Never willingly give more than court ordered CS, nothing good can come of that, EVER. And wow, how nice of him to be so generous with your money. Ridiculous! And for him to think that she would spend the extra money on the kids is just straight up naive.

I'd be very tempted to tell him to go live with that friend "for free." Let him go free load off someone else! What he's trying to make you do is not at all reasonable and you're not evil at all. He's trying to take advantage and that's BS.

screw that, do not put his name on the house, do not marry him, hell, I'd be tempted to kick his ass out!

IF he were paying for half the house then your half should go to your son, his half should be split among ALL his kids (including your mutual son). But he's not paying for any? He's talking about paying 1/4 of the mortgage? WTF is that? So then if he's paying 1/4 of it he can only have, at MOST, 1/4 of the house NOT HALF.

He's a huge user. Tell him to go back to his BMs, maybe they can all move in together and then everything will be fair and equal among them.

You have a leech. Tell him he can either shut up about using you and your house/money OR move out. It is your house. Period. That is a fact proven on paper. He kids are not over enough to have a space dedicated to them. He needs to stop with complaining and gas-lighting. Without you he wouldn't have a place to bring his kids over. You need to confront him with the obvious and remind him that he isn't putting in his "half" for his responsibilities. All you are asking him to do is do what he would have to do if you were out of the picture. He's being childish. It sounds like he is giving BM more money to get back at you for standing up for your right to own a house and not let his kids come own a piece of it. Maybe I am extra btchy today but I would tell him that if he has all these other options then he needs to go. If he wants to support BM's household then he should ask her if he can split her rent and go on his way.

There is always somebody out there trying to get something for nothing and your SO sounds like one of them. It sounds like all that he's concerned about, is how he and his kids can benefit from your hard work and money.

It doesn't matter that his name is not on the deed, he lives there and should be paying to live there.

Let him go if he'd rather put more money into BM's household than his own.

Really, it sounds like this is not the relationship for you.

When I bought my house, I did not put DH on the deed and he had no problem with that, he trusted me to add his name when the time was right. Nor did he have a problem with paying his portion of the house payment.

I had put down a large down payment and DH agreed that even when the house is paid off, he will continue to put his portion into my account, since I have put so much more than monthly payments into the house (I have always made extra principle payments, as well).

His name is now on the deed (we have been together 20 years) and we both agree that it's not going to either one of his kids and I'm going to have the paperwork drawn up for a transfer on death in case something happens to us both (by-passes probate).

Issues like this (money) can really show you someone's true colors. I think he's using you.

Get a consultation with a lawyer. Go by yourself. Learn what you need to do to protect yourself in your state. Ask specifically about common law marriages. Ask specifically what effect it has if you provide insurance for the skids.

A friend lives with her SO. Her lawyer told her to never let it go if any one says they are married. Lawyer said to always correct them. In my state if you let people assume you are married, you are.

In our paper the other day there was a story about a couple who split after 25 years. Because they let others think they were married the "wife" got 50% of everything that was acquired during the time they were together.

Prenuptials are great, but usually you also need a will made after the marriage that conforms to the prenup.

I am not too impressed with a guy who wants to pay 1/4 of everything and get half. I am not impressed with a guy who thinks it is your job to provide for him so he can give BM extra.

Financially you'd probably be better off to throw him out and file for child support. You probably wouldn't get any actual funds from him, but he wouldn't be a drain on your finances either.

See a lawyer. In my state, many states, property acquired before marriage remains the property of that person and is not marital property. If your state has that rule charge him rent. Do not let him pay a portion of anything. Rent = a flat fee every month. Portion of things = may lead to marital property rights.

In our state, if my husband were to die, it auto goes to the wife unless we BOTH sign something saying otherwise. Anything he acquired after marriage & any of his 401K or whatever, it all goes to the wife. Check the laws in your state, with a lawyer, before throwing a huge fit over this one & watch what he has you sign. I'm not saying to drop it, because this is a huge problem, I'm just saying maybe focus on the unfairness of it versus we need documents asap.

I don't know if this will help you, but this is what we have done with my assets. I have a prenup because I came in with two houses already. In the course of my marriage with DH, I have acquired another (with myself as the only financier). We have one child together.

My name is the only one on any of the deeds. If anything were to happen to me, the houses will go into a trust for our daughter and soon to be second daughter and DH, if he dies, the house defaults to our two daughters. If we are to divorce, he would not be getting any part of this (we do not live in a community property state.)

Finances are split this way: He pays the property tax for the house we live in, and gets the entire joint tax return when tax time comes. (So it mostly evens out and therefore he's not putting in capital to the house should there be divorce some time down the line.)

I pay the utilities (and the mortgage when there was one), the upkeep, groceries, other household expenses, etc.

He pays for our family's car insurance and medical insurance.

Our main issue was that in the event that we were married and his name was on any of the deeds, that would mean that despite the fact that these assets were mine to begin with and acquired by myself alone, it would be considered a part of his estate. Normally that would not be a problem but there's a small possibility a part of this could go to SS, and because SS is a minor, under the control of BM. Hell would freeze over before we allowed that to happen.

Likewise, there is a precedent in some other states that if a person dies, it does NOT absolve them of child support and it can be collected against his estate BEFORE it goes out to the people they willed it to. Scary. So basically there's a possibility I would have to continue paying CS with my assets, since two of the properties are income properties and had his name been on any of them, it would be considered part of HIS income. Crazy, right?

He wants to voluntarily give BMs more money? It's rare to hear of someone doing that.

It is not your place to worry about the other BM's and what their offspring get. Inform your DH of that. If he feels bad that the skids don't have everything your bio has, tell him to give BMs a call and explain to BMs they need to get a better job and provide more for skids just like you do for your bio. That only seems fair. If you can do it so can they. They can improve their position in life and you should not have to suffer in anyway (emotionally or financially) if they choose not to.

Please do not marry this man. He is not entitled to half of your house. Please do not make arrangements that he is. If you do move in with him, set up a rent agreement and he pays his fair share of the bills via rent via his own seperate account. DO NOT subsidize his income so he can give your money to BM. No court in the world will make you do this, with the exception of college. Please consider that, a court could make you pay for his kids to go to college. He is way too interested in what he can get from you.

My advice is to live seperately and just date him, if you must. If you move in or marry him, he is going to sink you financially.

NOPE.

That's all you have to say. No way. If he doesn't like it, he can leave.

Reading your post brought back painful memories, although everything is fine now. My SO also had no money (though a good income), so I paid for the downpayment and closing costs for my house (I was the only one involved in the real estate search for the house). He wanted to be on the mortgage because he wanted to improve his credit, but doing that meant he was on the deed as well. I was very hesitant but ended up allowing him to be on the mortgage. But, doing that made me realize that he wanted everything of mine. Everything that I had worked hard for, while he was wasting his money and not making BM responsible for her kids. He wanted to be the beneficiary of all my accounts, yet he had no accounts of his own to reciprocate. He was upset at me for not wanting to take care of him and his kids and I was resentful that he would ever want to put me in that position.

It's all fine now. Though lots of frustrations to get to this point. DH and I will never see eye to eye on certain things. But, he has given up on trying to make everything "fair" for the kids. Also, I've quit my job since DS was born, so now he pays for our entire household. He doesn't pressure me to go back to work, but instead says that my contributions have made it so that we have a nice house and the mortgage is low enough that he is the only one that needs to work. When he says things like that it makes me happy that we are together.

What is up with the moochy men in these blended situations? And hell the F no would I stay with someone who thought it was ok to give the BMs more money because he feels sorry for them. They can get up off their asses and improve their own financial standing. So frigging what if the OP makes more , this "man" still need to pay his fair share to the household.

Lmfao, leave his ass has have him pay you CS. I wouldn't marry him, he seems like a gold digger who is looking to secure $$$ for himself a and his kids. Financial stuff is typically tricky in blended situations....often there is one party who has $$$ and one who didn't . I know I worked my whole life to have what I have now - I earned it ,no one else.

I just moved into the house last week.

The longer you let him live there, using that address, he will most likely acquire tenant rights and you will have to legally evict him to get rid of him (if you decide this is not the guy or life for you). Check your state laws on that.

I would tell him to go live for free with his friend, or go live with one of the BMs, since he wants to support them.