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Anyone else experienced this with BM?

gimmeabreak's picture

Submitted by gimmeabreak on Thu, 09/05/2019 - 8:21pm

So BM and my hubby divorced 5 years ago. She has been bitter and hateful to both him and me since. She decided yesterday to send him a “bill” for $10,000 including every single thing she has paid for for their 2 boys over the last 5 years. This included tiny things like Halloween costumes, gloves, a pencil case, shoes...etc. My husband has also purchased all of these things for them while they are at our home but didn’t think for a second that she should pay for half of these items as they’re everyday costs that are incurred at both households. For example, we buy Halloween costumes when they are with us, she buys them when they are with her. This year my husband paid for all the back to school supplies because they were with us on the first day back and didn’t add every single pencil to an excel sheet demanding 50% from her. Above and beyond the little things, she has also demanded half for large expenses that she did not clear with him. She has a habit of wanting brand name everything, and included $200 pair of shoes for a 10 year old, as well as an $830 bike for a 12 year old. Has she asked him about contributing to that, he would have said absolutely not...we don’t need to spend that much. But she didn’t, and now is expecting him to fork over half for every frivolous and expensive purchase she has made for 5 years. I’m looking for advice from anyone who has experienced something like this. Most of what’s I’ve googled says she needs receipts for everything (which she says she has) and that the expenses needed to be cleared with him prior to purchase. But, wondering if there is actually a chance of him being forced to pay up for this ridiculous “bill” if she takes it to court. 

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Thu, 09/05/2019 - 8:26pm

What do the divorce papers say?  Child support should be in them somewhere, that's where you should find your answer.  Hopefully you saw them before you got married.  If they aren't clear, wait for her to make a move.  She could just be blowing smoke or you might have to hire a lawyer.  It also depends on what state you are in.  Laws vary over the US and other countries that post here.  A local lawyer will give you best answers, the only thing you will get here is experiences that might or might not apply to your situation.  

Get those papers out stat!

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 09/05/2019 - 8:33pm

Tell her to take her bill and shove it.

I actually wouldn't respond to that at all. I cant imagine she would be able to take him to court over it. Having kids doesnt mean you get to buy whatever you feel like and have it reimbursed by the dad. And yes, BM did try that here on a much smaller scale - she bought SD new winter clothes and then tried to get DH to pay her half when she already had winter clothes. Most likely GBM bought the new ones (she always buys anything at BMs) and BM was hoping to make a little extra. She did the with preschool by having GBM pay without telling DH.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Thu, 09/05/2019 - 8:55pm

That is a lot of detailed bookkeeping! She must have lots of spare time. You need to look at the custody order. It would be out of the ordinary for an order to say that DH should pay 1/2 of all expenses for the skids in addition to child support. Some orders might address things like school supplies and sports expenses and "extraordinary" expenses, but they must usually be agreed upon and receipts must be provided within a certain time period and then paid in a certain time period.

If the custody order does not spell this out, check with a lawyer. Laws vary by state and you can get lots of info on Google that won't be applicable to your case.

SupposedEvilStepMom's picture

Submitted by SupposedEvilStepMom on Thu, 09/05/2019 - 8:56pm

I dont know what state you're in, but in Texas, the judge would laugh at her. What the judge told my husband's ex wife about school supplies was, "That's what child support is for." If you have 50/50 visitation and dont pay child support,  then you each buy your own stuff for them.  The only thing they can actually make you pay 50% of (in Texas at least) is needed medical expenses. Dr, hospital, meds, etc. Even still, the court has ordered my SC's BM to pay medical as well as about $5,900 of "payable as child support" issues for years, and she still hasn't paid a cent or went to jail yet. We'll be broke forever if we ever want to see her pay us the $7k + she is court ordered (multiple times) to pay us. I wouldn't worry about that crazy BM... unless you live in CA or NY. They have crazy judges.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 5:14am

Unless there is a CO order in place that say they are to split specific costs, she will have to eat this one.  His response should simply be NO.

 

Sandybeaches's picture

Submitted by Sandybeaches on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 6:29am

I don't think he is responsible for any of that!  No matter what state you're in I think most family courts would see that as her creating an issue. 

With that said that is the exact reason your DH should do absolutely nothing accept ignore it!!  I would not send her a bill and fuel her fire.  If you do she may very likely use it against you and say that HE sent her a bill and never mention that she sent one first.  Could be a ploy to get him to do something like that so SHE can point a finger instead of the other way around.  BM's can be very manipulative and sometimes best just to review the custody/divorce agreement and if you know he is in the right ignore her, document it and let his attorney know about it and decide the next action if any!!

 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 9:27am

As others said, unless it is specified in the CO, ignore it. If she says anything about it, deny, deny, deny. 

Frankly, I cannot imagine a valid CO allowing someone to "bill" the other parent after 5 YEARS. BM has her knickers in a twist over something. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 9:40am

I agree with all the other posters above. Does he pay child support, what does the court order say? I wouldn't entertain not one more minute on this nonsense. Who the h@ll has the time or energy to keep a spread sheet of EVERY single transaction and decide 5 years later to have the audacity to ask for half?

A crazy @ss that has sh!t else better to do with her life that's who......I'd delete or rip up this so called  "bill" and keep it movin'. I wouldn't even address her about it because it's that irrelevant.

Dash 1

susanm's picture

Submitted by susanm on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 2:05pm

Check your divorce agreement, custody order, or support order.  If he is already paying what is specified then ignore it as if you never received it.  If there is no agreement for support and each household is responsible for their own expenses then ignore it.  In other words, unless there is an agreement that she will bill him for expenses and there is no timeframe in which she had to do it, ignore it.  Sending someone a "bill" for 5 years of expenses that they did not agree to pay is nothing short of insane.  In my state even medical bills not covered by insurance have to be submitted by April of the following calendar year or reimbursement is forfeited under the child support rules.  If she contacts him about it in writing I would say "I have no idea what you are talking about but why on earth would you be sending me a bill for 5 years of expenses?  On what basis do you think I owe this to you?"