I didnt buy food for SD
So i took DD8 and her friend to town. They havent been able to spend time with each other in a long time and wanted to go to town to shop. I didnt ask SD16 to go because I'm disengaged and it didnt involve her. I gave each girl $5 each. I had to drop off donations at Goodwill and we looked around but didnt see anything we liked. So i took them with me on my next errand downtown. The girls saw the carousel and there were 3 tokens in the car so we all rode it and they spent their money in the gift store. On the way home the girls were hungry so I went to Burger King and spent $3 on them with nothing for myself.
Later DH asks me why I didnt take SD16. (He just flipped out on me for not listening to him and being on my phone so now I've locked myself in my office.)
Anyway he got all mad at me for not taking her too. I told him I had no plans to stop for food it just happened and I'm disengaged so I had no plans to take her anyway. I think I said it better than that though. There also was a reason I didnt get anything for myself. I didnt have any money left and the outing was for two little girls and not teenagers. He didnt believe me. He felt I purposely got food without her.
(Now I just heard him tell SD that if she doesnt do the litter box its going back in her room. Progress? I think its all messed up and we better get counseling or its going to be hopeless. I'm also tired of being the one putting the most effort into making it work.)
Tell him you didn't get her
Tell him you didn't get her food because she wasn't invited. Just like you didn't get him food because he wasn't invited.
He's a jerk. Why would you take a 16 yo on an outing with two 8-year-olds?! You don't have to justify yourself.
I dont feel I should have to
I dont feel I should have to justify myself either but somehow I keep finding myself having to do it. He wouldnt have even cared except SD whined to him about me not taking her which then meant he cared about how unfair i was to her. He really doesnt notice much unless its brought to his attention. SD makes it almost into a competition and he enables it by acting on it for her.
A few years back DD8 had been
A few years back DD8 had been invited to a birthday party. She was like 5 years old and so was her friend. DH couldnt understand why SD couldnt go too. I was blown away.
You should not have to justify it
And your SD is 16. I remember 16. I was horrible. It doesn’t matter which way it played out, it would have been wrong in her eyes. If she had gone, then you *forced* her to go and she didn’t want to. If you offered her food, you should have known she didn’t want any. If you didn’t offer her food it is because you think she’s fat.
It does not matter. Any way was wrong to a hormonal, going through the seven levels of hell phase, teenager.
But your DH is wrong for being upset with you. She needs to be told to drop it.
She's been the same since i
She's been the same since i met her when she was 5. She hasn't changed much except more clever. I do see the teenage aspect factored in to it though.
Stop aruging with him. When
Stop aruging with him. When he asks why you didn't take SD, tell him why (it was for the little kids, I'm disengaged) and nothing else. When he asks why you didn't get SD food, tell him why (shse wasn't with us, I'm disengaged) and nothing eles.
Let him be angry. Don't engage with him when he's upset. If he wants to talk about it later when he's not upset fine. Walk away from him and his anger.
Don't justify yourself or you actions. He's going to be upset no matter what you say or do, nothing is going to change that. You are not the problem and so you can not fix anything.
You shouldn't have to justify
You shouldn't have to justify anything.
Next time he asks simply say "DH are you looking for a response or a fight" and walk away.
If his darling wants BK he can get it. I assume he is mobile so what is stopping him?
If she wants to go on an outing he can take her.
My guess is he doesn't want to be bothered yet doesn't want to hear her whine and the easy way out is to place blame on you.
And when he asks you to justify in front of her see above and add in, "SD, sorry if you felt excluded. This was an outing for little girls and I felt you would be bored. However your father was and is perfectly capable of taking you on an outing" and place it right back into his lap.
Never feel bad for spending time with your bio alone. And never justify that to anyone!
I’m sure your SD has had many
I’m sure your SD has had many other outings/ lunches that didn’t involve your DD. DH is being an ass.
When SD goes out does she ask you if she can bring anything back for you or DD? Does DH do that if he is out this SD? Probably not.
Whenever he gives DD something
Make sure DD gets equal value. Money for prom DD gets equal amount of money !
I never buy mine food, His
I never buy mine food, His mother gets child support so i expect him to come with packed lunch as we get no discounts and my hunsabnd pays heavily.
He is a visitor for a few hours and there for needs a packed lunch.
Let me get this straight. DH
Let me get this straight. DH went ballistic on you for taking two 8yos on an outing without including a 16yo who probably wouldn't go anyway.
16yos can feed themselves if they want to eat.
So, going forward I would buy food for SD any time you go out. Leave it on the counter and feed it to her at every meal whether it is fresh or not. When DH gets cranky about it, hand him the spreadsheet of every meal you purchase for her with the dates and cost.
Bare this assholes butt and rub he and his toxic spawn's hoses in the stench of the food issue and any other issues that require affirmative response to bullshit.
Take care of you and your 8yo.
As long as you look after
As long as you look after your child like you do I don’t think your wrong for not including her, she has a mum. And you’re doing your mum job to your child.
If your DH wants to take her to things then that’s his dad job if that makes sense
I think you also did the right thing by not bending to your DH tantrum. He needs to be a man and manage his feelings on his child. If he is that bothered then he should get up and take her out. Not your monkey and not your circus 
Lazy man