I thought things were getting better.  We have both been busy with work, so haven't had much "blended" time.  We had a quickie vacation last month alone and he brought up that he doesn't mind the relationship we have (I manage my kids, he manages his).  Which was a relief, because I really thought he was still resentful that I wasn't taking on the role of full time mom, which I refuse to do because his kid is a spaz and has very few boundaries. 

Well, I guess I was right; it seems like there was a whole 'lotta resentment.  His kid (he's 6) was bawling over not wanting to go to camp (this super amazing, fun camp that they are priviledged to go to, that *I* arranged...).  So I tried to figure out why.  I asked my boys (7 and 10 yrs) if SS had been having any issues at camp, assuming maybe he was being bothered or something since he's on the young and very small end.  My youngest tells me that SS has bene hitting and kicking and spitting at a kid on the bus.  I was mortified.  I asked my 10 year old  who wasn't in the room when my 7YO told me very vaguely if he had heard of issues on the bus with SS and he said yeah and confirmed the story to a Tee.

I texted DH who was already at work and simply said what I had been told.  He lashed out and said he doesn't trust what my boys say and that them and I have a vandetta against his kid.  Firstly, my boys aren't little liars, thank F*ing god, because it's one of the worst traits a person can get.  Secondly, they wouldn't have said anything about it had I not asked.  It's not like they ran to me to rat him out. And lastly, SS has a history of being aggressive at school and is constantly being reminded to be hands off at home.  So it's really NOT surprising.  It was honestly shocking to read that from him.  It was like a volcano exploded out of no where and I was stunned and beyond pissed.  With that being said, I don't think my kids shit rainbows, so I asked the counselor at the bus that morning to look into it and get back to me.  Well, he got back to me and confirmed the story, said the little boy was very upset and the boy showed him scratches on his arms from SS as well from days before.  

I kept my distance from DH that day.  I mentioned the next day that there were movies at the drive in and he said his kid wasn't allowed to do anything fun because he refused to "remember" what happened on the bus.  So I thought great, discipline!  Well later that day, SS went to his grandmother's house because DH wanted to finish some renovations at our business (because work ALWAYS trumps parenting, no matter how bad his kid has been) and he gets EVERYTHING he wants at her house.  She even posted videos of them doing fun stuff.  So he wins!  Again.  He is babied and spoiled and it makes my skin crawl when I see him around her.  She had to watch the kids the other morning while I had to go far for a medical test and my boys were woken up at 6 because SS was playing a f*cking guitar.  There is NO common sense our boundaries.  I gave him crap one time for acting like a little butthole at a big work event we threw and he went and curled up into her lap like a fetus and she just coddled him.  BARF.

I don't know if we can get past this.  We have talked and talked this sh*t through and I thought we were in a good place, but it's just this unresolved sh*t that lingers and is getting worse and worse and to say he didn't trust my kids (who are GOOD boys because I've been tough on them consisitently their entire lives) and that I was making false accusations about his child, for what, fun?!  It's too much.

I told him that we may need to do a trial separation.  I think he has so much unresolved guilt over his kid's life because his shitty choice in BM, that the kid can do no wrong.  Honestly, my own kid has corrected SS's manners at the table (belching loudly) without DH saying squat.  That's pretty fricking telling.

Maybe we go to counselling.  I don't know.  I spent quite a bit of time in counselling on my own this year to resolve some deep hurt caused over the years by his and BM's early f*cked up dynamic.  And it helped.  But I really think he needs someone that's not me to tell him he's being a twat.  :\