No personal experience yet, but seeing as how my SD has a biomom that is alive and well, I don't see why *I* would need to contribute to her daughter's savings.  :\  I'd just be glad your DH isn't making a big deal about it!

I have no kids, but I spent a lot and sacrificed a lot for DH's kids. And if I could go back, I would not have done it.

It's a moot point for us right now, since DH and I have no bios together yet, nor do we have any extra money to put aside.  When the time comes, though, I would not hesitate to put aside money for my child(ren), and I would not feel it necessary to save for the skids.  If DH wants to put anything aside for the skids, I would expect him to put a comparable amount aside for our children.  DH is not now and has never been a saver and doesn't have a lot of financial sense, so he'll probably do whatever I tell him to.  I don't worry about college for the skids, as they can go for free to any of our state schools through BM.  That won't be the case for any children DH and I have.

Not your problem the two bio parents didn’t save for their children.

i opened savings accounts for both my kids when they were babies.  I finally convinced DH to open an account for Spawn when she was 16.  Thankfully he never got butt hurt our bios had savings and his kid had nothing.

As step parents we are suppose to be stepping up where the biological parents don't. We are suppose to be treating our stepkids like our own therefore also worrying about their financial future. I have this same dilemma when it comes to who my beneficiaries will be if something happens to me. My husband who isn't financially set like I am wants me to put my bio kids and step kids as beneficiaries with the same percentage. How is that even fair to my kids who have been in my life for 18 and 20 years and him and his kids have only been in mine for 3 years. I work my ass off for my bio kids and now to have to share that because him and his kids mom didn't give a sh*t like I do. My bio kids will always be my bio kids and if I get divorced there are no more step kids. I don't think it's selfish at all to only want to ensure my bio kids futures. At the end of the day it's one sided because my husband isn't saving anything for my kids.  So don't feel bad about how you truly feel...it's not selfish at all.

If they want to save for there kids education. Thay can do that.  They should do that.  You have NO part in that saving.   Bio kids, you are the BM. And you can save for that kid with out being  guilty 

No. Skid is not and never will be my child, or my financial responsibility. 

and each day a little more will be expected.

you will also receive no thanks nor gratitude.  In fact, in most cases it will cause even more hated toward SM by the BM

"just who does she think SHE is, overstepping HER boundaries?... I'M the MOM!!"

I'm setting up a savings account for my BK, but I won't be setting one up for my SS's. If DH wants to set them up he's more than welcome to, but it's not my responsibility.

I've told him if he sets them up it should be for a specific purpose though, not just 'free' money to hand over when the kids turn a certain age.  I believe in helping kids if/where possible, but not giving them something for nothing just so they can blow it on pointless crap.

Then again, they're not my kids, so if DH wants to give them free money to blow on pointless crap I suppose that's his prerrogative, I just think it's a waste of money to do so.  Either way OP, your skids aren't your responsibility, so don't feel guilty about not putting money away for them.

she’d rather go on shopping sprees whilst her kids fend  for themselves. We suspect she has spent close to a million on crap in a decade. 

I intend to save for my bio kids who will be schooling in my country as i am from a western country and their quality and standard of living will be much higher. I don’t have any guilt if skids chuck a hissy fit because of the supposed unfairness 

its not my fault i’m from a more advanced country where people are more financially well off

My DH was a teenager when he had his kids, so no. They didn't have the funds to save a penny for the skids. My DS3 has a savings account I started when I was pregnant.  

As long as you and your DH don't have totally blended finances where it would be impossible to determing "his" from "yours", it is totally ok for you to save money for your biological child. 

It is also ok for your husband to save for all of HIS biological children (one of which belongs to you as well). 

Ideally each of you should have your own discretionary income.

Are you saving money for your kids? Is it same or different for bio kids vs step kids?

Yes I am saving money for my Bio Kids and never once did it cross my mind to save for my H's kids. They have two parents and whether they decide to save for them or not is not my business or concern. I just know what I'm doing for mine and you should absolutely feel NO guilt for thinking about yours.

We handle major items seperately, and try to keep spending in check, so not obvious material differences.   The biggest issue is that my DC have greater college savings.  He has ramped us his, so at least his kids can go to local community college.  

I think an ours kid would really complicate things.  There is no way I could accept one of my kids getting more than the others (absent one kid not benefiting for college, etc.), which means if we had seperate finances, I would cut back on other things (which might have to include vacations).  It may that marriage may make a parent focus on things like college, retirement savings, etc.

XH and I have as part of our divorce that we will carry life insurance that goes to DS if we die and that we each save a certain amount toward his college expenses. 

DH and BM have the same but their insurance policies are way higher than ours so if one of them dies the skids get a lot of cash. However, they have a much smaller amount going toward the college funds. 

I feel no obligation to up my insurance to make it even or give the skids money toward college. I would not expect DH to downgrade his insurance to make things even or allocate some to DS. 

My DH and I do not have any children together. He has a 17 year old girl and I have 14 stb15 year old boys. We share finances (*GASP*), but never argue about money are where it is going. We put $10 per paycheck (we get paid bi-weekly) into a savings account for all the kids. These accounts are also for saving a portion of their christmas and birthday money.

In our lives neither the BM nor BD have any kind of money set aside for the kids. Although BM sees SD, she does nothing to help financially support her. The BD in my case owes me over $20,000 in child support, has been in and out of jail for domestic violence and doesn't talk to or see the boys. This is why we (I) don't have a problem financially helping all the kids.

ETA: My stepfather did this for me until I was 18 and he divorced my mom when I was 12. I stayed in his life and even moved back in with him after I graduated high school (my mom and I did not get along). I lived in the basement and paid rent while going to college. I still call him monthly, send gifts for holidays, and visit when I'm town. He calls me his daughter. I believe this is why I am more open to "helping" my SD than others. Plus, my SD is nothing campared to most on this board. I am lucky in that department.