SD storing explicit documents
My stepdaughter is 15 yo and will be 16 in November and lives with us full time.
I occassionally check in on her room cleanliness and happened upon her computer screen waking up. I did not logon, it was there on the screen for me to see.
Well, did I never expect what I saw on the screen. First let me say we have had issues with her being boy crazy and dating her friends ex-boyfriends, that led to online bullying, but got nipped in the bud. I wrote it off as typical teenage girl behavior and moved on.
Well, let me tell you.... this young lady was writing document that could be classified as porn because all it was missing was the pictures, it was all very graphic and detailed and def rated R material. Yet she claims to be a virgin.
It was all written so well, she's an excellent writer, but it is very age inappropriate. It was stored on her Goodle drive and I did not want to let it be know that I was at her computer because I was the only one home and Google will save anything considered a modification.
I have yet to talk to her father about this, because I do not want to deal with it, but because it's in my home and a liabilty to me, I must! I know that internet crimes with children is a serious thing and all I could think about was what if she left her computer open around others and this type of document was shared.
I have made several suggestions to SO in the past about SD getting council and seeing a therapist, but he insist she doesn't need help.
I don't want to start a war in my home over this, but I know I need to say somthing.
Her dad and I rarely have relationship problems and we only have disagreements about SD, ugh!
My plan when I address this is to start my conversation with SO by letting him read the screen shots I took of her screen without letting him know who wrote them and carrying on from there.
Any advise or experience with these types of issues would be greatly appreciated.
Honestly, if it’s not hurting
Honestly, if it’s not hurting anyone, I’d butt out. What are you going to do next stop her from thinking? I’d maybe bring it up to DH just to make sure she got put on birth control if you feel she’s sexually active, because no one wants any mini SDs running around, but otherwise I’d leave it.
It's almost like writing in a
It's almost like writing in a journal, just because it's open on the bed does not mean you should read it.
If anything the discussion that DH should have with his daughter would be safe sex and birth control. Having fantasies isn't a crime.
Because of my job.....
I work closely with people who work on internet crimes against children, so my red flag went up, but I didnt want to overeact that's why I'm here asking for advice.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having fantasies and that is absolutely how it read.
However her father has a tendency to treat her like she's 12 and I thought this might help him realize she a young lady and to quit treating her like a 12 yo. If she can write sexually explosive documents, she should be treated accordingly.
I do appreciate your input, thanks.
Wait a minute, huh? You
Wait a minute, huh? You "happened upon her computer screen waking up?" My computer screen doesn't "wake up" unless I ask it to.
Seems like you were snooping and found something you'd like to hit DH over the head with.
So she's writing erotica. Let it go. And quit using "cleanliness" as an excuse to snoop in your SD's room.
I have no reason to lie........
When you have a SS living with you who is lazy and pisses in cups and leaves them in his room. When you SD spill paint on brand new carpet and says nothing, I will check on cleanliness as much as I want.
I did let it go for my own sake, but please don't confuse me with anyone else; I don't need an excuse to go in to any room in my house.
Thank you.
I agree with your need to go
I agree with your need to go into their rooms. My OSD was filthy. Rotten food, moldy cups, spilled soda/other beverage, moldy towels, dirty dishes in dresser drawers, closet and underneath furniture, used tissues allllll over the place, etc, etc. It smelled, so when that happened I went in.
However I did not look at anything, compter on, diary open/out, etc. Hard pass. Even if you could read it, don't. The only excuse you could possibly have is drugs....or something dangerous.
I'm not confusing you with
I'm not confusing you with anyone else, you are simply another controlling stepmother who feels she has the right to micromanage her skids' cleanliness because "her house her rules". Send your DH in to check on cleanliness and address his kids' behavior, as it should be. Or have him remove piss in cups and the close the door and let them be slobs.
But if you want to use it as an excuse to go in your SD's room, at least keep your hands off of her private stuff. I notice you didn't address this ridiculous notion that her computer just "woke up" when you walked into her room.
Let them have some privacy as everyone is entitled to, yes, even teenagers.
I did address your comment....
I replied, I have no reason to lie in the title. I was offended that you would assume I would need to lie; if I logged on her computer, I would say I did. Please redirect your aggression, because I am not here for that!
Furthermore, if I was controlling or micromanaging someone elses child I would have never had vandalism to my home because of her promiscuous behavior.
If your power managenment settings for your hard drive or display is set to never turn off, because your too lazy to be disturbed to enter a password, it will never turn off.
Not sure why you came at me with the tone in your post, but as long as my name is the only one on the title, mortgage and deed; I will keep my home as I please, thank you.
Have a good day!
I don't see the big deal.
I don't see the big deal. This is relatively normal behavior and she is not hurting anyone.
Historically post pubessent
Historically post pubessent teens would make drawings, try to peep into the locker room of the object of their fantasy, sneak a copy of mom and dad's adult magazines, etc....
Now they can just pop in a search and get access to an endless supply of the stuff.
Rather than surfing porn, though she is probably doing some surfing, she is writing sexually explicit stories. I don't see this as a problem. I would rather have a kid writing about it than pumping their brain full of someone elses immages.
She could even make a living with this if she is as tallented as you say she is. Successful authors who write bodice rippers can do very well.
I understand but would let it go
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with going in the room. And to be honest, I actually think it can be ok to monitor things like social media. Your SD got bullied online in the past and I think that’s actually a good reason to be concerned about her safety in the virtual realm.
As far as what you found is concerned, I agree that it’s essentially like a journal and might be a good outlet for her. I would not bring it up and just respect her privacy, and remember that she might feel a lot of shame and she mcarassment if she knew someone had seen it.
Regarding her sexual health - does she receive comprehensive sex Ed at school? If not, depending on where you live, there may be classes available, or even just books. That might be worth bringing up with your husband if there’s a sincere concern. You don’t even have to ask (or know) whether she is sexually active, or any of the details about that part of her life. Some good education would be relevant whether she needs it now or in the next few years. Classes like that also usually include information about where minors can access birth control without their parents knowledge or consent. So if that’s something she needs, she can access it on her own. I know that can be scary, and transparency would be a lot nicer. But a lot of teenagers just aren’t comfortable talking to parents or step parents about sex. A lot of them will make healthy choices with the right info and resrouces though!