All our money is gone
we have less than 200 dollars to go buy food and pay bills this week. All because SD5s birthday was on Monday. I’m all for throwing her a party and getting her a present but what I’m not ok with is my SO blowing all of the money he made this week on a legit pile of gifts for her. He gave her toys on Monday and yesterday after promising me he wasn’t going to spend all our money on getting her stuff he does it anyways. He comes home with shopping bags full of stuff for her. He also has to buy the rest of the stuff for her party today. We have no money for anything now and he doesn’t seem to care. When I told him he needs to prioritize and put feeding and keeping our lights on before buying ridiculous amounts of things for SD he argued with me telling me he’s never put buying her stuff before our bills. This has been happening since we first got together. He just expects everything to be fine. Just as long as his princess gets spoiled to no end. I’m so upset about this. Even after talking and him agreeing he still goes off and does whatever he wants. Just to add fuel to the fire that’s raging inside me rn he didn’t buy a single thing for our 1 year old on her birthday. Not one penny was spent on her by him. Now I have to attend this party and pretend yet again that I don’t see the favoritism and putnon a fake smile. I’m so ready to leave.
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Wow. And I thought mowing the
Wow. And I thought mowing the lawn while you were dealing with 3 screaming kids was a dick move.
OP, you have to find a way to stop being financially dependent on this guy. He's not trustworthy.
I know. I was planning on
I know. I was planning on getting a part time job at least while I was pregnant. Once my son gets older though I will be getting one especially since I have a car now. He keeps proving he’ll always put SD before everything else including his other children.
Can you pack up and go
Can you pack up and go elsewhere for a few days? How will you feed your kids?
I’m probably going to have to
I’m probably going to have to borrow more money from my mom to buy basic things to get us through the week. I don’t know about the lights though hopefully it won’t get cut off and I can pay them Friday.
Yeah, OP, as soon as you are
Yeah, OP, as soon as you are able, you should get back to work. By your own words, this crap had been happening your entire relationship. And to make it worse, he is treating your share children far different. They might not notice now...but they will.
I am sorry, but I don't think he is going to change. Only YOU can - you have 2 choices: accept and be ok with this or start planning your exit.
Grab the bags, take his card,
Grab the bags, take his card, and return all that crap yourself. Spoiling SD does NOT take priority over having money in the account to feed your family. Or pay bills.
I know you’ve just had a baby but I really hope you’re starting to think & plan a way to get away from this guy. You & your kids deserve better than this.
He’s already given to her. I
He’s already given to her. I can’t just take it all back now she would never forgive me. You’re right though my kids definitely deserve better.
Buy him ramen and yourself
Buy him ramen and yourself and kids regular food.
What an idiot, seriously what does he think is going to happen if he buys her less presents? That when she turns 18 she will think back to her 5th bday and go "well daddy only bought me 1 present so I hate him and will never talk to him again?"
He just doesn’t use his head
He just doesn’t use his head at all when it comes to her. All logical thinking goes out the window and he just sees his little princess he must spend and give her everything she wants.
I work for a utility company and that they
try calling and asking for an extension . Most will give it to you . Especially in the summer because bills go way up for power. Your husband is an idiot and if it were me I would let him go hungry and hoard the money you borrow and just feed you and your kid. Let him feel the pain of his stupid choices . There are so many inexpensive birthday options in that age range . He could have gone to consignment stores and thrift stores for gifts and she would have received gifts at her party
I will definitely be calling
I will definitely be calling them about one. And I am really thinking about doing this. I don’t see myself cooking dinner this week
Your SD lives with you all
Your SD lives with you all full time right? If so, and your SO doesn't have a high income, you may qualify for assistance from social services.
Find out if your local welfare system has a work program. If they do, you may be eligible for free or dirt cheap childcare. Here(NYC) families in those programs pay daycare based on the income. Some families are free. Many pay as little as $10 per week per FAMILY.
You really need to be financially independent. From there you should think about walking away from that loser.
There's nothing wrong with admitting that you fell in love with the wrong person.
My husband bought a 180
My husband bought a 180 pounds watch a few years ago for my step daughter. This was followed by a letter a few weeks later saying if we didn’t pay rent within the next ten days we would be given a eviction notice. He hadn’t discussed any of this with me. Said husband knows if he pulls a trick like that again he can go and live somewhere else. I am sorry you are in this position. Said husbands family hate me ‘because there is nothing wrong with buying presents blah blah’ but they have a lot of money and don’t understand what it is like to live on a month by month basis.
OP, let the electricity get
OP, let the electricity get shut off. Let the car run out of gas. Let your SO live on a loaf of bread and peanut butter for the week. My point is, engineer opportunities for your SO to FEEL DISCOMFORT and have to suffer for his poor choices. Don't do his laundry, because you're "out of detergent" . Don't cook for him, because there's no food. And don't enable him by borrowing money from your poor mom. See where I'm going with this?
Please, please tell me you're on birth control. You do not want to have any more babies with this idiot. Heck, since you're not married, you might want to look into filing for c.s. At least that way, you might get $$ straight from his paycheck.
Yeah, I was thinking too
Yeah, I was thinking too about the child support - she can file for it since he won't support his two kids with her.
I dunno about turning off power in Texas in July with two infants in the home, though. Other than that, I agree with letting him deal with the fall-out from it.
This^^^^^^^^^^
Absolutely go and file for CS first thing Monday morning. Make it come out of his check and into your personal bank account.
Do NOT go to that stupid party.
Take the $200 and go to your Mom’s for the week. When he figures out how to get the electricity turned on and feed himself and his kid, then ... I think you should still run. This is NO way to live. Putting wants ahead of needs.
YES. Girl you need to do
YES. Girl you need to do everything - and I mean everything - you can to protect you & your kids from this man financially. File for CS, get a job as soon as you can, and file for any government help you can get. Keep every penny of it separate from this guy, he’s proven time & time again the only two people who count are him & his first kid.
I know you’re in love with him, but you need to look at WHY. Why are you in love with him? Is it really him you love or the idea of him? Because this guy just spent nearly every penny you’ve got on a 5 year old’s birthday party when you’ve got 5 mouths to feed & bills to pay. Not to mention all the other crap he feeds you on a daily basis. Take care of you & those babies of yours.
I agree with this. Borrowing
I agree with this. Borrowing money from your mom to bail him out does not let him see the consequences of his actions. Frankly, in your shoes I'd be throwing myself on the mercy of my family and asking them to bail ME and MY children out because I was leaving him. And I would leave him and I would not go back. I could not live with that level of financial insecurity, especially if it was at least partially a result of spending unnecessarily on one child.
I would consult with a lawyer ASAP and file for child support. I suspect on your own with two babies you will qualify for assistance until you can get on your feet. There's no time like the present.
You and your child deserves
You and your child deserves better
You and your child deserves
You and your child deserves better
He is putting the wants of a
He is putting the wants of a FIVE YEAR OLD above the NEEDS of the rest of his family. Two babies, at that. He’s an @$$#%^. I think you should go to your moms, STAY THERE, and let all the utilities get shut off and then he can figure out how to perhaps act like a responsible adult.
Her mom lives with her sister
Her mom lives with her sister. Her mom is not an option - and she has worn out help over the YEARS, suffering this SAME issue with her husband spending nearly all (maybe all of in some instances) of the financial resources on wants for sd.
OP, it is PAST time you leave him. If you do not this will be your life and your childrens lives forever. Your children will learn that 1. They are not as important as sd 2. They will learn irresponsible spending behaviors that will have lasting effects into their adulthood. Please don't do this to yourself or your children.
Perhaps think about going back to school. Government assistance will help. There is nothing wrong with getting some assistance to make yourself self sufficient and able to care for your children. Soapbox: just don't make government assistance a career; that isn't good for you or your children either.
OP: you CAN do this. Effect positive change.
When he came home with that
When he came home with that pile of loot.. I would have shown him that electric bill.. how we gonna pay this???
If he didn't have an answer.. then she goes to those bags of loot.. gets the reciept.. goes through there and picks out X number of gifts that match the utility bill and tell him.. Ok.. then we need to return these gifts.
I am also in the camp of OP should probably resign herself to going back to work.. whether she stays with this maroon or not. Obviously he can't be trusted to be fiscally responsible for the household.