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Long...such a mess.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 9:53am

OMG…My sons X and her father are going to drive me to drink.  Long story short. 

BMs father comes to my sons house and tries to remove my sons DD.  Cops were called and they “trespassed” BMs dad from my sons property.  (means he cannot step foot on the property or he goes to jail.) 

A person that used to live with BM a few months ago, told my son that BM breast feeds WHILE she smokes pot.  AT THE SAME TIME. So son called CPS. 

Son shows up to pick up he DD and the father comes out screaming that he is going to beat him to a pulp and my son is taping all of this but this man does not care.  He told DS that he would never see his DD again cause he called CPS on them blablabla.  BMs father called the cops and he made the cops “trespass” my son.  This is where he is court ordered to pick up his child.  It all all just a cluster F.

So, my DD and I went with DS to his last pick up since he cannot go on the property.  We had the police go with us.  Again, the father comes out and telling everyone that he is not letting the child go anywhere.  During this time, I hear this idiot telling the cops that I am insane and obsessed with his granddaughter.  I have not said a word this whole time and have not even talked to this man in a year or his D.  Yea idiot…I see DGD a few days a month for a few hours each time and I am ok with that,  I am a grandma.  He lives with her 24/7 and goes batshit crazy if child is gone more than a day or so. 

DS is just broken.  Cops can do nothing and this guy/BM will not let him see the kid any longer.  They do not care about the CO at all.  Cops even told them it was not good to go against the CO and he said he did not care.  The whole time BM is in the house screaming that DS just wants to take HER child away. 

It is all such a cluster F

 

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:06am

Eventually ask for 2 make-up days for every one denied.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 That is such a great idea!!

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:20am

I'm sorry OP, for your son. 

He will go to court repeatedly, court will slap her on the wrist, and she will continue to do exactly what she's doing right now, with the help of her father.  Or maybe they give you those make-up days, BM says hell no, she's not going, and this continues until she can finally get the child fully away from him via moving away, parental alienation, whatever. 

I don't have an answer here. I understand why so many men walk away from these impossible situations. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:29am

Growing up in such a dysfunctional family situation. We always hear and read about "deadbeat dads", and there are even non-stop commercials that rail against fathers that have just checked out of their kids life. But you absolutely NEVER hear about crazy BM's denying visitation, and blocking the BD until it is near impossible to sustain a realtionship with their own child.

Ill bet there is child support being paid however.

OP, Im so sorry for your DS having to go through all this crazy. So sad for child.

All I can think of is to try to enforce CO, to the fullest extent and hope for the best outcome.

Document document document.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:30am

Dont you think that at some point, the court will say damn...she is bat crap crazy so lets try something different?  I mean...how can they continue to allow this to happen over and over and over?  

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:34am

Sadly, they just do.  You have two options- spend thousands and hope for a judge that reverses custody or he will lose all hope and walk away (woldn't blame him).

It is a horrid system for the CHILD and all involved. 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:38am

Most family courts still operate from an unspoken but strong bias that mothers are the more important parent, especially for an infant.  So they will give her a "tsk tsk" but they won't enforce anything meaningful, ie, flipping custody to the father, because they fear disrupting the mother-child bond much more than they fear disrupting the father-child bond.

It's worth trying, maybe he will get an enlightened judge.  But I also would not blame him for walking away. 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Submitted by ChamomileTea4Me on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:38am

My divorce was YEARS ago, so I don't know if this is possible nowadays, but...can you ask the court for a court-ordered neutral place to pick up the child for visitation?  We had to do this for a while because my ex and his parents were very verbally/emotionally abusive toward me and caused all kinds of chaos at visitation time. In my case, he actually ended up being ordered supervised visits only at a local family resource organization, but refused to even take them.  It all laid down a paper trail of how uncooperative he was so the court was made aware of the real problems direct from the mouth of neutral parties.  

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Submitted by ChamomileTea4Me on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:42am

BM and GP actually may have laid the ground work for asking for a neutral pick up spot since they made it so DS isn't allowed on their property.  They're kind of leaving DS no choice but to ask the courts for help.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 2:14pm

I know someone who had a specific police station as the neutral location because the high-conflict side had to behave. And they could walk right in and document problems if, for example, they didn't show.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 5:45pm

And if the BM and crazy BM dad think that you and your S are so darn abusive and horrible, they should jump at the chance to have the exchange at the police station - after all, it's protection for them.  If they don't like it, their hand is shown.

bananaseedo's picture

Submitted by bananaseedo on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 10:49am

Agreed, that's a good idea.  The father not present and neutral place could probably work.

 

 

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 11:21am

I'm so sorry your son is going through this. He has a long hard road ahead of him.

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 12:36pm

when he gets to see his DD, and the minute he does get her take her and himself for a drug test? If he does not have it in his system and she does and he was not near her at all and the BM was then wouldn’t that point to her having it around the child?

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/25/2019 - 12:49pm

He has lawyer appointment Monday.  He wants to file contempt….and have some type of emergency order to meet at a neutral place.  And he also wants to get a protection order against the father.  The father actually told the cops at least twice that he was going to give that boy a beat down.  Cops just told him to cool it. 

I think that he was thinking that the CPS would run a drug test on the childs hair and probably the mother and his but he has not heard anything.  Not sure what is going on with that.   

  Let me give you a glimpse of the living conditions over there.  It is actually a medium income house. BUUUT.. The 30 year old brother to BM lives in the garage and drinks/smokes pot all day and will not work.    

 The BM is 27ish.  Has never worked and is just a very very immature skank.  (way to go son)

 The father is belligerent drunk every night.  (per the BM when she liked us)

 There is not one square inch in that house that is not covered in crap.  It is just nasty. Also a few dogs and several cats.  I am surprised DGD has not been hurt around all of that mess. 

But I am sure CPS will not care about any of that.