Help...pretty sure we are gonna end up divorced.
My step duaghter thinks the world revolves around her and my husband makes her think its true. She began living with us in September 2016 she was almost 11...she made my life a living hell for the first 6 months no rules crying nightly she wouldnt sleep alone and my husband let it happen. Finally I lost it and he sent her to his moms (grandma) to live for the last year. Grandma is fed up with it now and is sending her back to us after she returns from her summer visitation with her mother, shes already making demands even though she isnt back yet. before she moved out the first time she demanded she have my sons (9) room which has been his for 3 years so we moved him out of the room even though he didnt want to move and gave her his room, now shes demanding she wants the room hes in becuse shes older...and my husband is giving her what she wants again with no regard to my son. I went thru this a child and it has lasting eddects on you to know that you are not the child who gets everything they want and clearly I have to do something RIGHT? theres no talking to my husband im a narcacistic ass**** per him.
Sounds like your narcissistic
Sounds like your narcissistic ass**** husband is projecting his shit on to you.
On the one hand he gives his daughter away when she gets too tough, on the other hand, he expects you to just do whatever she wants.
Divorce sounds good to me.
Sounds like a bunch of narcisstic people here
Not a good idea to send kid to live with grandma (absent military deployment, prison, etc. of single parent). Of course his kid is resentful of being sent away, which is FAR more serious than choice of rooms.
Marriage probably not working.
Unfortunately, your DH didn't
Unfortunately, your DH didn't deal with the "problem" initially. When the girl was having issues the first time she lived with you.. he decided to shuttle her off instead of.. IDK.. being a father and getting his child in line.
Now, she is several years older with the added baggage of knowing her dad could so easily cast her aside when things got tough.
she is pushing boundaries.. making people jump to her bidding. Your DH needs to STOP all of this with her.
(btw.. where is mom in all of this?).
He needs to set her straight.. set boundaries.. make her stick with her original choice of rooms..
Unless your son is not currently living at home (like away at university or something).. no reason to unseat him.
If your husband won't work to fix things and work to save your relationship.. not sure what you are really losing there.
the back story
The back story is...shes living with us becuse her mother dumped her off and went to Illinois 2000 miles from here to get married. She had custody of both her and her brother when she lived here...she didnt want to take her..she knows what she and him have created by never having rules. When she lived with her mom she had no rules..slept on the couch watching tv nightly and did very poorly in school. My son is only 9 he has a great relationship with me and his father we co parent efficently and always have,he gets pushed around by my step duaghter she tries to get him in trouble...hes not perfect but hes a kid he gets in toruble...I belive in a punishment for a crime not a reward for a crime like my husband.
So the kid is dropped off by mom
Where is it written that then DAD has to drop off on GM. Can you not see how she might be damaged.
Ok, so?
How does knowing the girl is damaged help the poster protect herself and her child? We can talk all day about what Dad should have done, what has that got to do with OP. She is not dad.
I am not allowed
I am not allowed to say anything, she daddy princess....I have my kids...I can effectively co parent...he doesnt let me be a part of his daughters life unless its being her slave or letting her sh** on me. I dont know why he made his mom deal with it??? because he doesnt know how to be a parent he wants to be her friend?
Damn, that girl just keeps
Damn, that girl just keeps getting dumped off on people. That’s got to be doing something to her mentally. Maybe the bedroom demands are her way of gauging how important she is to her father. If she demands and he gives in, this reassures her that she matters. It’s not a healthy way of getting validation, but it’s a way no less. She probably needs therapy. But it’s important your son doesn’t get lost in all this either. Best of luck.
Spoiled
Shes extremly spoiled she gets every item she ever asks for. She has every gadget, Mom dad grandma and moms family shower her with gifts....my 9 year old and our 1.5 year old get a fraction of what she gets. My hsuband even forgot Valetines day and ran out of money because he took her shopping the day before.
You know what? It may seem
You know what? It may seem like she is spoiled and gets everything she wants but in reality, she is very poor.
Your son has been given a set of values and manners and the ability to be a productive member of society. THOSE gifts are head and shoulders more important than any Iphone.
It seems like all the adults are trying to buy her things to make her forget that none of them want her around. THAT is sad.
Everything she needs and
Everything she needs and wants except a mother and a father.
Sorry, but I think you need
Sorry, but I think you need to prioritize your son over this broken, dysfunctional family you married into. He deserves to have a peaceful, normal upbringing, and that just isn't going to happen because you married a non parent. Your H has made some very poor choices, and his daughter isn't going to magically straighten up some day. Nope, she's going to get much worse.
Do you really want your son exposed to the drama, strife, and constant chaos? Do you want him growing up thinking that he's a second class family member and then hooking up with a woman like your SD because that's what feels normal to him??
The world is full of men, but your son gets only one childhood.
I second this You're not much
I second this You're not much of a parent either if you allow your son to be treated like a second class citien in his own home. Expect him to ask to stay with his Dad if you allow this to continue.
This^^^^^^
I'm no longer surprised about the people who are willing to lay down and take ANYTHING for the sake of "love", family, but, pretty much, just lacking a backbone. If people rolling all over you is ok with you, vent away (thats all those types do).
But good lordt, dragging your children through all this crap because...love. Yeah, no.
I came here for help
I guess I'm not much of a parent thank you. This is what I didnt want..I will leave.
You are an equity life
You are an equity life partner with your SO and that makes you both equity parents to any children in your home regardless of kid biology.
"NO!" is the solution. No to the demands by the toxic Skid and No to DH coddling her and moving the rest of the residents in the home around at her beck and call. NO, is the solution and DH and his toxic crotch nugget need to hear it .... often.
The room is a hill to died on
she does not make demands before moving in. She will take what ever room there is. You can not let her play these games. If you do , your life will be hell.