My family tolerates SS19 and are nice to him,  but they do not like him much after all the drama and stress he has caused for me and DH.

My father had dementia and some things he didn't notice, but SD at the time was 9 years old, dad would stare at her, when we came to visit him and his caretaker. Out of the blue one day, my dad grabbed my hand, pulled me close to whisper in my ear, "She's evil, she will do everything in her power to try and break your heart, stay strong". At first I thought he was just having a off day, but over the years that one sentence has always stayed with me. Maybe crazy can see crazy for what they are, I don't know. We lost my dad two weeks after he said that to me, SD was acting like a total drama queen at the funeral, waling and sobbing, my whole family and my dad's friends were so disgusted by the way she was acting. A family member told her to stop acting like she cared, that she wasn't in dad's will. The tears stopped and she stomped over to DAH (major Disney Dad at the time) and demanded that he take her home, she didn't want to hang around if she wasn't getting anything from it. DAH did take her to her mothers and left her there.

So you can imagine what my family thought of her after that, I haven't nicknamed her Leech for no good reason, she has earned her nickname over the years. She did the same thing at her own grandmother's funeral, DAH's mother, at age 14. Even DAH family can't stand her, they tolerate her, because of DAH.

My family and friends think the skids are sweet and adorable.  They're only 4 and 6 - they're still little kids - and they're very pretty and polite girls, so it's not hard to think they're sweet and adorable.   And for the most part they are, but my friends and family don't see them when they're tired or cranky or whining for what they want.

Personally, I'm big on teaching kids that the world doesn't revolve around them and sometimes, they won't be catered to. 

My SD is 7 too, and in that situation, I would have told her straight up that it's not an easter egg hunt specifically for her - it's for younger kids and she is invited too. She can join the fun in other ways, pick up a FEW eggs, and call it a day. 

A few people in my family think my SS's are perfect little angels and the most 'amazing' little boys they've ever met.  They've called me unreasonable for having the same expectations of the boys my family members had of their own kids growing up, and I'm 'bitter' because I don't love having a third party dictate things that happen within my home, aka BM.  If I criticize her parenting, it's 'you don't know what it's like to be her', or 'well she's obviously doing a great job because they are such amazing, well mannered kids'.

Granted, my SS's aren't nearly as bad as some of the demon kids I've read about on here, but they're far from perfect and OSS in particular has got behavioural issues that largely go unchecked.  My family also doesn't undestand why I can't just parent them like I would my own, because none of them have ever been SP's themselves.  It's a test in patience, and I usually just avoid discussing the skids with those family members. 

My family treated my SD like family and included her when she was around, but probably didn't give her much thought when she wasn't. For example, they would buy her Christmas and birthday gifts IF we had her during those times but did not go out of their way otherwise, which I understood.

hcgubm, pas, narcissist and batshit crazy and co, no respect for boundaries or others. They are failure to launch, lazy, milk others. They’re just leeches playing the whole poor me i’m a cod. 

My dad sees skids as self centred and trying to eliminate me. Sio exwifes family is crazy and sd’s wholly approve and excuse her behaviour, i do not allow my kids alone with half siblings or allow hubby to take them along alone. Hubby isn’t objective enough

DH's own family can't stand Killjoy15, and I've kept her away from my parents and siblings.  My adult children barely tolerate her and think she's ridiculous.  Ever since she abused my GD, I've kept her away from them too.

immature helpless needy little babies that at 11 and 16 should still be in cribs with a bottle and blanky.

Until now....I never in a million  years thought a 6th grader was incapable of making waffles in the toaster.....dadeeeee can you make me waffles.......dadeeeeee I need a drink. dadeeeeee can you make me a soup..........dadeeeee I need a snack.

kill me

My friends and family love the Skid.  But, that is just the kind of people they are.  I accepted him as my own, raised him as my own, and his mom and I have made a life together.  

So, my friends and family just went along with it. No one asked them to. They just did it.  He is a great  young man.   Well liked by my parents, my brother and his family, our extended family and our close friends.

My family has been overly accepting of my SD, ( when I say family, I mean mostly my mom cause she's the only part of my family that I really have interaction with as my dad is dead and my extended family is all over the place). My SD feels like my mom is her new grandma, and I love that. My wife's family has had a slower time warming to my S, though it's progressing to being more and more warm and welcoming, I guess it's just par for the course and not always the easiest of things for all parties concerned to accept a new family member who isn't related by blood.

DH’s family AND BM’s family see skid as the most beautiful COD to ever walk this earth. That everyone should orbit around skid like the center of everyone’s universe that she is. 

BM’s brother has told DH and I this on numerous occasions. It’s freaking laughable.

My extended family has never met skid, due to them living far away.

DH and I have mutual friends that like skid well enough, but... have in so many words conveyed that skid is a spoiled, attention-seeking child with a tendency to be quite annoying at times. 

When it comes to my friends, not mutual with DH, it’s not something that even crosses my mind, in all honesty - introducing them to skid. I mean, why? I don’t even engage with skid, so her knowing my friends isn’t even A Thing. 

In my (and DH’s) experience, only frenemies, or friends on the surface inquire about skid and try to act like they care about skid’s place in our family. You know, the type of friends that can never move past small talk but will always ask “So, how’s/where’s skid!?”

Ss is just there. I think my parents wish the dh would handle his child rather then pawn him off me when he visits. 

I agree with what a few have said above. Step-parenting can be a lot of things. If you're here, if probably on the worse end. My personal friends and co-workers do not know that I have a stepchild, but if you were to walk into my classroom, you'd see pictures of me and my own daughter everywhere.You can't let it control your entire life.

bumping up an old thread here but this past weekend my mom finally came out and told me that her and my dad can't stand my future stepdaughter.  I don't blame them one bit.  It sounds awful, she is only 5 years old, but to me, she clearly has undiagnosed ADHD that keeps getting worse.  My fiance keeps saying, I hope kindergarten helps her, but I keep wondering why the schools haven't said anything yet.  She has dozens of meltdowns every day.  She makes life miserable for me and my 3 kids when she is here.  She's very impulsive and can't share or wait her turn ever.  Constantly blames other people.  She tripped over a pole at the playground yesterday and blamed me.  She ruined our summer vacation by screaming all through a zoo and then all night at the hotel because she wanted to sleep where my oldest was sleeping.  (my oldest daughter eventually moved so she would shut up and then SD didn't even sleep there)

My mom has started to offer taking my kids for the weekends so they don't have to be around her.  She moved the date of my oldest kid's bday party so it's on a day SD will be gone.  She worries my younger two will start to act like her.  She doesn't want me to get married to him until her behavior improves or they do something about it.  My sisters are a little more empathetic as they are both teachers.  But they also both agree that she needs some sort of intervention.  Her mom claims that a psychologist she saw last spring says she was "developing normally."  She only saw that psych once.    

My close friends don't like my skids. They have spent enough time with them to see how awful they actually are. In short doses, the skids seem like great kids, but as soon as they get comfortable around you, their true colors come out. At this point, my friends act as tho they don't even exist and it's just my 2 daughters. They aren't mean to them when they are around, but they don't ever ask me about them, it's always "how are the girls" or "what are you and the girls up to" etc. 

As for the other portion of your post, I don't think you should have to do anything extra simply because she is older. She was invited to participate in the fun that your friend was setting up. When I throw a birthday party for my 3 year old, I don't really care if the 11 year old has fun, it isn't her party. Or if we're throwing the SS a party, I don't really care if the girls don't have something special there for them. Again, not their party. It is definitely more of a be grateful for what you get and stop complaining it's not enough scenario. When you're invited to something, you shouldn't get to say "make this better for me".   

I can't stand my college BFF's daughter.  No one I know can stand her. Even my BFF struggles with tolerating his own daughter.   I blame him.  He is the one that failed to apply boundaries and consequences and she is entirely the product of his lack of a clue as a parent.  He and my SS are very close.  He always was amazed by how well SS behaved. Interestingly he also thought that we were too hard on SS and strict with parenting him.

Now, 2.5 decades later, my BFF has clarity on why we parented the way we did.  When we have some private time together he often comments on how he used to be frustrated with us in how we parented and that now he is struggling with a difficult child he understands why we parented as we did.  We did not give our son a chance to be a difficult child.  He won't expose too many people to his daughter.  

An interesting new influence on her just came up in the past couple of weeks. She is a very overweight 11.5yo and just started her menstrual cycle.  This has injected a whole new level of escalated intolerability to her behavior.  The addition of puberty hormones destroyed a trip he took her on.  I explained to him that IMHO behavior is a choice even when hormones are involved kids must be held accountable for their behavioral choices and appropriate consequences for inappropriate behaviors must still be applied. Hormones cannot be tolerated to overwhelm the brain. 

We had our regular catch up call a couple of days ago and much of the discussion was how she ruined the trip he took her on with an escalated level of crap behavior.  So now he is planning on scheduling trips around her period.

smh

I told him, yet again, that he was not going to get improved behavior out of her until he demanded it and applied escalating unpleasant consequences for anything but acceptable behavior.  

His response.... "I know, I know, the usual kick her in the ass recommendation." I told him that his coddling non boundary parenting is what has created his frustration.   Then I reminded him of the insanity definition.

Interestingly he will not bring her any time my bride and I are in town though he wants to get together.  He rarely leaves her with his wife as she is not tolerant of the kids crap.  His lack of parenting is impacting his relationships with the people who care about him.  Even his mom limits her time with him when his daughter is around.

I can tolerate the occassional kid tantrum.  What I can't tolerate is kid tantrums that are left unconfronted by parents.  That drives me insane.