Anyone else....
I hope it’s not just a sick grudge I’ve developed over time against my SD but she’s ten and I find that she tries to compete with me with everything. I’m a painter and I’m also a very crafty person I have many hobbies and every time I start working on my personal things she has to get my partner to buy her the exact things as I have. Maybe I’m exaggerating or maybe Ive finally gone mad but recently I’ve also noticed that she has sexualized her appearance if that makes any sense...she’s 11!!! She wears extremely short skirts and shirts and it would appear to me as if she’s flaunting it to my partner I know I must sound fukn crazy. It just feels like she’s trying so hard to get his attention and it’s a little sad. However he doesn’t ever tell her anything about the sexualized attitude she has and I think it’s inappropriate! Idk what to do....
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I would mention it to your
I would mention it to your partner. Not in a "your daughter is trying to seduce you" way, but rather just pointing put that she is dressing a little provocatively for her young age. Most fathers are uncomfortable with their daughters growing up or being sexualized. I think they sometimes ignore it because its so uncomfortable, but if you mention it, he might take notice and start to nip it.
There’s a slight problem
I’m very careful how I word my discomfort and I try not to use accusatory words but no matter how nice or angry I express it’s loke it goes in one ear and out the other like he’s in denial or he truly doesn’t care about her behavior. The older SS has been smoking pot for months now and my partner doesn’t care or doesn’t discipline him about it like everything is a joke. I’m not sure if that’s his way of coping, like look the other way and hope that it changes but I’m the complete opposite im very strict with my BS. I’m an authoritative parent and he’s a permissive parent we’re opposites but I’ve invested a lot in this relationship and after 8 years I don’t know if I made a mistake but I’m expecting his child. There’s just so much wrong that I now see and I feel like I trapped myself. I’m very angry and depressed and I’m transmitting that to my baby.
You might want to consider changing your avatar for privacy
You might want to consider changing your avatar for privacy reasons. You wouldn't want your blog to be found by someone in your "real" life.
Never thought about it but
Never thought about it but you’re right!
Glad you found StepTalk
We understand. I have compassion for you; it's a tough situation to be a Step parent, and to be pregnant & depressed on top of it I cannot imagine. (((HUGS)))
Lots of good people are on this website who can relate and who have great advice on how to disengage, and marriage counseling is also very helpful (with a good counselor, which may take some searching but try Psychology Today - their website has a great free therapist/counselor search tool where you can read all about your local practitioners (all verified) and choose which you'd feel most comfortable with).
Please take extra-special care of yourself. It sounds like you are a good mom who does it the right way (=parenting!) instead of raising disrespectful, dependent brats, and I hope your partner will step up and parent. Children don't hatch as civilized beings; they need parents to train them how to navigate the world successfully so they can thrive.
I really needed to hear that,
I really needed to hear that, thank you! It’s true kids nowadays are harder to raise with good ethics and strong foundation.
And this is due to
1. modern permissive "parenting" (actually the lack of parenting) discipline and consequences are outlawed both in the home and in government
2. letting children lead the family (children become insecure and often dictatorial with no guidance/authority from adults) normal parent/child roles and boundaries that have worked for centuries are reversed--due to false "enlightenment" pushed by the psychological community and thusly big pharma. The child and BM have equal, superior footing; dad is viewed as a retrobate in society and in government.
3. governmental forces that have a policy of treating fathers as criminals for parenting, yet treat them as mere walking wallets...at the same time encouraging over coddling by mothers and claiming to be pro feminist whilst treating the BM as the helpless perma-victim in the courts
I think this is fairly common
I think this is fairly common for pubescent/prepubescent girls, but it seems they don't always get appropriate boundaries and guidance from their parents. The majority of members here are dealing with dysfunction, so not surprising their divorced Disney partners aren't willing to shut this behavior down. It comes down to parenting or a lack thereof.
FWIW, I remember being about ten and my mom stopping me when I began putting on socks and shoes in front of a male house guest. I was sent to my bedroom to finish dressing with the lesson that we don't dress/undress in front of non family members. This is the sort of attention to detail I've mentioned before, and it seems to fall through the cracks with dads.
Exactly!!
Am I pushing too hard if expressed my concerns or demands from him and the rest of the family and none whatsoever is being met? Should I accept it and be resentful and bitter or walk away from a man I love otherwise, it’s not a matter of choosing between kids or me. Hearing your thoughts has put me at ease but has reinforced my anger. Like I know I’m not crazy after all and I also feel like I deserve all the bad because I am a recovering alcoholic and in my disease I did things I’m not proud of, I lived a life of agony and he was a big enabler but now I’m healthy I’m sober and I made amends.