Vacations
Soooo, i have two kids, 14/17 with my ex. And my SO has two kids from a previous relationship now 9/11. I have been the finacial drive in our house, my kids with me full time and his part time. Made slot of sacrifices over the years to make everything work, all kids happy, above and beyond. My issue is my step kids have gone on vacation twice with their mom in the last year and a bit. super happy for them, sincerely. I have not been able to take my kids on vacation in five years because I've taken the brunt of helping my SO with his finances and kids. Not hard feelings, but I'm trying to plan a trip next year with my two kids, my self and SO. But he says he would feel bad going without his two, understandable. But am I required to pay for all six of us? Or choose an alternate vacay that that in which I would want because I cant leave out the other two? My two will be old enough for their own room, and my SO says on his kids can stay with mine so that we could have our room. I dont feel comfortable with this....
I can understand him not wanting to use vacation time
And go with your kids and not his. Compromise might be for you to take a shorter trip with just your kids
Why are you supporting his
Why are you supporting his kids and him? And now he wants you to pay for his kids to go on vacation? He can work some extra hours or get a second job and pay for his own kids to go. If not, you take your kids alone.
ugh! I feel your pain on this
ugh! I feel your pain on this. My skids go on vacation with their BM as well and we've taken them on 2 in the last year. I don't want to include them in all of MY vacations with my own kids....but I always feel like I have no choice. It sucks.
I am trying scheme something in the next year where I wait for BM to take skids somewhere for a week and then quickly plan a vacation for the same time period with my own kids and DH. Maybe you can try that??
I agree
If your DH wants to take his kids, He needs to pay for them. He needs to get a part time job to earn money to take his kids, he has big talk with no money. Or else you take your kids either by yourself or with DH with out SK.
i also rethink about supporting SK, make DH pay his fair share of household expenses
I'm on the fence on this one.
I'm on the fence on this one. Though we only have one kid, my SS-26, my wife would forego vacations if SS was on SpermLand visitation out of guilt over him missing it. For the first several years of our marriage I tolerated this. Eventually I got tired of missing my family vacations because SS would miss it.
Eventually we started doing things when SS was on visitation. If it was something SS would enjoy or we thought was important for him to experience we did it again when he was with us. She struggled with this for a couple of years and eventually landed in a place where she did not let the guilt interfere with the vacations. At least too much.
Generally I would say if it is a family vacation with your BKs that DH's BKs should be included. Unless, they are not available due to schedule conflicts due to BM visitation time.
While I understand that you
While I understand that you are looking at the "fairness".. as in his kids got to vacation (with mom).. you really need to keep your eye on "your page".. what is happening in YOUR home. For this reason, I completely agree with your DH in that his kids should be able to go on the family vacation. His kids may have gone.. but your DH didn't get the pleasure of going on a trip with his kids.
That being said... I am not sure why you have apparently taken on the financial tip of the spear for your DH?
I believe that HE should be paying for his vacation and the vacation of his kids. If he can't afford to do that? You should take your kids on vacation by yourself.
As far as rooms go..as an aside.. I think 9 and 11 is too young to stay in a hotel room alone for the most part.. a family suite would be a better option. (one bedroom.. with a sleeper sofa in living room area). If his kids and your kids are compatible for sharing.. and his kids are decent (no worry about going off the rails).. then I think the kids could share a room possibly.. but I would defer to your judgement on that.
You've got zero
You've got zero responsibility to pay for his kids to go on holiday with you. None whatsoever. I'm sure he'd love for them to come along with you, that's natural for a parent to want their kids to come along, but if he can't pay for them, meaning they get their own room that he pays for, then he's SOL.
I don't believe that having a partner with children means you can't ever take a holiday without the kids tagging along. There have been plenty of times I've gone away with my DH without the skids, and now that we've got our own I'm sure there will be times we go away with just our bio as well. Such is life in stepland.
DH and I do one adults only vacation a year
But I would not want to do a vacation with him and his kids and not mine
That's your call. Would you
That's your call. Would you expect your DH to pay for your kids to go on holiday with you two & his kids if you couldn't pay for your kids? My guess is no.
Life isn't fair. Steplife definitely isn't fair. The kids aren't missing out, they go on holiday plenty with their mother. If their father can't afford it but his wife can, then he can choose to stay home or enjoy the holiday without his kids. Such is life.
No, as I said in my first post
I think that OP should just go and take her kids
There's nothing wrong with
There's nothing wrong with her husband joining them, if he should choose that as an option. Why does it have to be 'my kids go or nothing', when he's the one who can't afford to pay for them. That's incredibly narrow-sighted.
I don't have kids of my own
I don't have kids of my own but we no longer take SD on vacations with us, she is 100% going to ruin them so we vacation when she isn't with us or make other arrangements. She never wants to go where we are going to go, we are not going to NYC to shop and we are not spending thousands to go to Disney. We camp, we stay cheap with our travel and she hates all of it. So she can go to NYC with her mom who spends $300 on a sweatshirt for her at Supreme.
Is stepland, those of us who
Is stepland, those of us who are actually in stepfamilies know that not all kids can go on every vacation every time. That’s life. And especially as the main breadwinner there should be zero problem with you taking a vacation like the one you suggested. People get their panties in a wad over stupid crap and trying to make everything equal and fair. Life’s not fair and steplife is also not fair.
I think it's also worth
I think it's also worth noting that going on holiday with a 14 yr old (youngest bio) and a 9 year old (youngest step) are 2 completely different holidays.
A 9 year old needs alot more looking after than a 14 year old. Call me selfish but I wouldn't want to go on holiday with a 9 yr old that's not mine and I would see it as completely different to taking my 14 year old.
Holidays come once a year for most of us, if you don't want to spend your holiday catering to the steps that's perfectly reasonable in my eyes. Any 9 year old will need catering to its not their fault its just the way it is. You're talking about the difference between a nice relaxing holiday and a holiday centered around the children and as this holiday is for your bios as they haven't had one for a while it should be for them, they probably won't want to do the same things as a 9 year old will want to do.
My Vacation not hers!
I usually plan my vacations to include(d) SD's now that OSD25 doesn't need to come with us anymore its just DH, SD15 to worry about. SD has been lets say, not nice lately and not deserve of anything big. She takes vacation with BM as well during the summer. Its my vacation time that I am taking so its not based on her and what she wants to do, and it shouldn't. I work hard each day of the year to deserve a break. For the past 2 yrs if she is available and wants to come she does if not she doesn't. I no longer feel bad to not include her. Its my time, I earned it and I earned the $ to pay for it and should spoil ME not her.
In the end don't feel guilty to not include her. Its not written in stone that you are required to do this.
Enjoy yourself and your kids, if he wants to come along without his then that's great, if not he misses out too!!
In the 15 years Dh and I have
In the 15 years Dh and I have been together (I have 2 dd, he has 2 ds), we have never taken his bio kids on vacation with us. I support this family, so I'm the one paying for everything. If he were to come up with extra money to take my SSs, I'd be all for it. I have paid for smaller vacations--like a long weekend at the local beach (renting a beach house), but for overseas vacations, we bring the dds only.
You're certainly not
You're certainly not obligated to pay for everyone to go on vacation. Your DH should be paying for himself and his two kids. The only exception I'd make to that would be if he is a SAHD or works reduced hours by mutual agreement for the betterment of the entire family. This is especially true if the reason you haven't been able to take your own kids on vacation for FIVE YEARS is because you are picking up DH's financial slack. If he can't afford to pay for his kids, then his kids don't go. And I would not change the type of vacation I would give my kids (eg, a separate room) to accommodate the skids.
I would
never, ever, take my DH’s son on vacation with us. It is not even a question of money, even if I am the main source of the income in this family. I work hard and I need to have a break with my family only.
Now my DH is free to take another vacation with his boy anytime he wants.