Am I Wrong?
Should my SKS be able to decide when they visit there mom? We have the my SKS 50/50 with mom. The thing that upsets me is that the kids never stick to the court orders. They pretty much decide when to go to there mom;s or when to come back to our house. It really upsets me because there are time we need to plan certain days and we never have a clue when they will come back or leave. My SKS are 14/17 and our kids are 6/8 so there is a huge age difference. I feel really bad when I get upset when there mom decides not pick them up but I feel that there should be rules and they should stick to them. I know there will be days that some things can't be changed but I think there mother needs to be a little more reponsible. Do I have reason to be upset?
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Comments
Ummm Ya
You have good reasons to be upset. You are being taken advantage of and held hostage by, your SK's. They do not have a right to call the shots. You have a right to know what is going on in your life. I would make my plans, make them known and then proceed with them. It's called RESPECT, something they seem to lack.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
That's why God invented the Court Order.
Whatever 50/50 means for you guys, I would insist the court order is followed to a T. Otherwise, pure and utter chaos. And that's not good for anyone.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
It seems like you are talking about two main points.
In my opinion, if you are upset then you have a reason. Whether you are justifiably upset I can't say. In my experience teenagers get a lot of autonomy on when they spend time with which parent. It helps if the parents have communication but not all of us have that luxury.
It seems like the other issue is that the teens/ parents are not respecting your time. Are you planning alone time with your husband or family time with the teens? I think you have a reason to be mad if people are disrespting your plans, but what's more important is to find a solution. If it were me I would look into making plans with my husband and going to them regardless. Fourteen is old enough to be alone for a few hours in my opinion. As far as family time, maybe make simpler plans that can have a back up plan involving just you and HB. These are just ideas off the top of my head.
What does HB say about all this? For me that was a make or break.
Well, good luck.
// Susanna
"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco
don't let the kids decide
putting kids in the driver seat of making adult based decisions is setting yourself up for huge problems down the road. Adults make the decisions for children's schedules, not children. There may be some exceptions to the rule, however, sticking to a routine that is established by adults is what you should be moving towards. Not always easy when other parents just let their kids be in the driver's seat.